It’s easy to think that all men want the same thing in bed. But, as men age and mature, so do their wants and needs. What 50-year-old men want in bed is significantly different than what men in their 20s or 30s want. By their 50s, older men have found what works and what doesn’t work for them socially and sexually, and they want a woman who understands their needs, as well as her own.

So, do you want to know how to really please a man in his 50s in between the sheets? Here are seven things men in mid-life are looking for sexually:

A lover who can communicate in bed.

We know that communication is key in all types of relationships. And it’s no different for older men-what 50-year-old men want in bed is women who aren’t afraid to tell them what they want. “An older guy finds it sexy when a woman knows her own body and can communicate her needs without feeling shy or uncomfortable about how to make her body work and how he can give her pleasure,” says board certified sexologist and author of, Getting the Sex You Want, Dr. Tammy Nelson. Van Kirk adds that, most men in their 50s have had enough partners that they know not every trick works for every woman. So, give your 50-year-old lover a bit of your owner’s manual.

A lover who is confident in bed.

Ask any man of any age, and they’ll tell you just how sexy it is when a woman is sexually confident. Men appreciate a woman who understands her own sexuality and for good reason. “Older men want someone who is comfortable in her own skin and who isn’t afraid to be intimate,” says licensed sex and marriage therapist, Dr. Kat Van Kirk. Most men over 50 know that a woman’s body and hormones change as she ages, so don’t feel so self-conscience about every little wrinkle, dimple, or freckle, Van Kirk adds.

More than “just sex”.

What 50-year-old men want in bed, is women who aren’t in a hurry to get to the main attraction. These men know there’s a lot more to the bedroom besides just having sex. And, just because they’re older, doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate oral. “Masturbation and intimate touching is still important to the over-50 club,” says Van Kirk. He wants to please you and takes great pleasure in making sure that happens, whether it comes from intercourse, touching, or cuddling. So, take some time to really kiss and touch each other before jumping into sex.

Exclusive: A new book by Eric Rosswood explores the questions, answers and other issues involved with being a gay parent.

As all gay dads know, parenthood comes with ups and downs. It will bring you indescribable joy but will also draw upon all your emotional strength.

LGBTI parents face their own challenges. Some of those faced by gay dads are explored in the excellent new book, The Ultimate Guide for Gay Dads, by Eric Rosswood.

Rosswood wrote the book partly from his own experiences of being a parent. He also believes a book aimed directly at gay dads was needed.

‘For example, you won’t find information on how to hold a baby and get the perfect nipple latch during breast-feeding,’ he says. ‘Instead, the book compares donor breast milk and formula to help gay dads decide which is right for their baby.’

(Husbands Mat and Eric with son Connor)

Besides covering childcare, there’s also a section on the awkward questions gay dads sometimes get asked. And advice on how they deal with them. Below are just a few, with some words from Rosswood.

"How much did she cost?"

‘The most awkward question (in the beginning at least) was, “How much did she cost?” At first we just laughed uncomfortably and changed the subject, but two years in we tend to say, “As much as a Prius.”

‘That turns the table on who’s uncomfortable. Who really asks how much a human being costs?’ – Chad Scanlon

"Which one of you is her daddy?"

‘Before our daughter could talk, we would often get, “She is so precious, which one of you is her daddy?”

‘We would then begin this eloquent and awkward dialogue of saying, “We both are,” multiple times until we finally got the tilted head stare. We refer to this as the “dog- whistle look.” You whistle, and a dog will tilt its head.’ – Trey Darnell

"Who is the sperm donor?"

‘The awkward question that we get most frequently is about the genetic relationship we have with our children. Again, we understand it is a natural curiosity, so we try not to be offended by the question.

‘We have two sets of twins and both are mixed-race Asian and Caucasian, so it becomes a bit of a guessing game trying to figure out which half of the interracial gay couple is biologically related to each of these kids.

‘Once, when our older children were still babies, we went out to lunch and the waitress asked us almost immediately after introducing herself, “Who is the sperm donor?”

‘We were so shocked with her forward approach that I frankly don’t recall if we responded with an order for the avocado egg rolls appetizer or our standard response.

‘We usually tell people that we keep that detail private because we want to be treated equally as parents to all our kids. The waitress’ gay coworker overheard the exchange and was so mortified. He came to our rescue and took over our table for her.’ – David Hu

Although it may be hard to tell, gay men are just like any other population: We come in all shapes and sizes. And at our healthiest, we would still look drastically different from each other.

Yet there is one body type that we are often expected to attain. A passing glance at the media and the advertising industry’s portrayal of the modern gay man is a portrait of massive pecs, bulging biceps, a teeny-tiny waist, and thighs the size of tree trunks. This impossible pinnacle of perfection is what we are led to believe is that of a healthy man, but for a countless number of gay men who are killing themselves to achieve it, it can be anything but.

Here are six reasons why the "gay gym body" isn’t a healthy body.

1. Comparison creates an unhealthy body image.

Whenever you set unattainable fitness goals, the progress you make can sometimes be what makes you feel as if you will never be good enough. Your body can only look like the best version of your body, and by comparing yourself to someone with a wildly different body composition, you will always feel as if you are “less than.” This notion is generally shrugged off as “motivation” to work harder, but it also can create a very unhealthy body image. Define your successes by what your best body is, not the body of someone else.

2. Steroids and harmful supplements offer a temptation to "cheat."

The reality is, many gay men will never look like the boys in the underwear ads, simply because of genetics. What is one man’s pinnacle of personal fitness can look quite different from another’s. But regardless of what a person’s peak level of fitness looks like, there is still one measure of the perfect body, which is why gay men are six times more likely to use steroids, unnecessary testosterone boosters, and other harmful supplements to cheat their genetics. And no matter how hard your trainer or your overmuscled friend may try to convince you, these supplements are bad for your body. The end. 

Life is all about development, evolution and progression, and as we go through this maturation process, there are often typical stages we experience as we continue to grow.

For example, you will likely recall you went through certain stages and phases of identity development as you came out to yourself as a gay man and started to come to terms with your sexuality.

Here is an article about the well-known “Cass Homosexual Identity Development” model that details this process.

Well, relationships are the same way

In much the same way that as individuals we grow and develop, so do our relationships.

When you start dating someone and work toward a long-term partnership, there is a common developmental trajectory you will likely follow.

There are a variety of stage models that attempt to explain intimate relationship development, though the great majority are descriptive of heterosexual love.

While there are many similarities in the qualities and characteristics of relationships with our heterosexual counterparts, gay/lesbian relationships also have some unique differences and challenges that may not necessarily follow some of these other relationship theories.

Alas, there is one such model that speaks to gay male pairings!

In 1984, David P. McWhirter and Andrew M. Mattison published “The Male Couple: How Relationships Develop.”

The authors conducted a research study over the course of five years in which they interviewed 156 male couples in loving relationships lasting anywhere from one to 37 years.

Their intent was to discover how male couples function in everyday life in terms of domestics, finances, sexuality and relationship issues.

What actually emerged from the study was a groundbreaking discovery that regardless of the differences between men, their relationships pass through typical developmental stages in the same way individuals grow and develop.

McWhirter and Mattison share their research findings in this book and identify six separate developmental stages gay male couples go through that’s essential for the growth and healthy maturation of their relationship.

“Each stage can become a building block to subsequent phases.”

The six stages are labeled as:

1. “Blending” in year one.
2. “Nesting” in years two and three.
3. “Maintaining” in years four and five.
4. “Building” in years six through 10.
5. “Releasing” in years 11 through 20.
6. “Renewing” in years 20 and beyond.

McWhirter and Mattison describe the various characteristics that are reminiscent of each of the stages, which also can become building blocks and bridges toward passage to subsequent phases and can identify other influences and possible crises or challenges that are common.

These oftentimes are inherent in the growing pains necessary for the development and health of the relationship and the partners within the system as well. Here is an article that details these stages.

At a mock wedding in a Belfast cabaret club, a groom cries tears of anger. Same-sex marriage is legal everywhere else in Britain and Ireland, so why not here? The answer lies with Theresa May’s partners, the DUP.

We’re going to fight tooth and nail with them. I’m done putting on the kid gloves, I’m done pretending this is OK. What are we meant to do, wait another 20 years?” Shane Sweeney has just exchanged vows with his fiance of two years, Eoin McCabe. It could be the happiest day of his life, but instead he can’t conceal his anger.

Their “marriage” has taken place in a Belfast cabaret club, officiated by a drag queen and witnessed by a room of activists and allies. The mock ceremony is part cathartic art performance, part protest. Shane and Eoin pepper their vows with jokes and laugh along with the audience, but standing in front of family and friends in suits and corsages, the emotional impact of having to fake their own wedding hits home. As they are pronounced husband and husband, one of the grooms wipes tears from his face. Many in the congregation cheer and clap, but others simply cry in silence.

(Shane Sweeney and Eoin McCabe kiss after their mock wedding in a Belfast cabaret club. Photograph: Gareth Myles Greenfield)

Despite being part of the UK, Northern Ireland outlaws marriage for same-sex couples, and same-sex marriages carried out elsewhere are not recognised here. Marriage is a devolved issue, so only the Northern Irish government can decide whether to alter its legal definition. Same-sex marriage was legalised in England and Wales in 2014, with Scotland following suit a year later. Over the border in the Republic, Irish people voted for legalisation in a high profile referendum in 2015, and, this year, Leo Varadkar became the country’s first openly gay prime minister.

An Ipsos Mori poll last year found 70% support for marriage equality among Northern Ireland’s citizens. But the unique circumstances of the country’s post-conflict parliament in Stormont means its largest party, the Democratic Unionists (DUP), continue to obstruct its legislative path. That’s the same DUP currently providing Theresa May’s working majority in the British parliament, granting them unprecedented influence on Downing Street.

Stormont uses a parliamentary system designed, ironically, to prevent discrimination against minority and marginalised groups. Parties can effectively veto or obstruct individual pieces of legislation. The DUP has made use of this power five times to block same-sex marriage from being legalised, despite equality having majority support in the chamber since 2015.

The legal differences between civil partnership – which is legal for same-sex couples – and marriage are minimal in Northern Ireland. Civil partnerships cannot include religious elements in the ceremony, while the grounds for a dissolution cannot include adultery, unlike a marriage. Some bureaucratic documents list separate tick boxes for marriage or civil partnership, effectively forcing individuals to disclose their sexuality.

What’s at stake, couples say, is more than specific legal rights. They want their public representatives to recognise that gay couples are deserving of equal dignity and acceptance. “My love isn’t second-class and neither should the legal recognition of it be,” says Shane.

“You can’t call your partner your husband, it’s your civil partner. If you’re religious you can’t have any of that element to the ceremony. It’s the ‘here, this will do you, now be quiet’ nature of civil partnerships that sticks with me,” he adds.

Shane and Eoin have been together for five years. Like many LGBT couples here, they are running out of patience and options. Wedding invitations wait unsent, dresses hang in the back of wardrobes. Shane explains that they feel like second-class citizens, denied by Stormont and ignored by Westminster.

“We get asked a lot when are we setting a date. My response is always the same: whenever it’s legal,” he says. “I do get frustrated at times. I would’ve loved our grandparents to be there but they are quite elderly now, and I don’t know if they will be around, which is quite upsetting.”

“This is my country, my home, so why do I have to be separated? I live here, I pay my taxes, I’m governed by Westminster, so why do I not have the rights of someone in England, Scotland, Wales. Am I different?”

Eoin agrees. “We had a really good time tonight, but ultimately we’ve had to stand up there and try to prove to people that we have worth, that we’re the same as you. No straight people have to do that and that’s the frustrating part.”

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Ask anyone why they have sex, and they're most likely to say they do it for fun. And while that's certainly a valid reason for a good romp between the sheets, sex has other physiological effects on the body.

And yes, there are people who study this for a living.

Two of the most famous sex researchers were William Masters and Virginia Johnson. They studied what they termed the sexual-response cycle, which involves excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution.

Though each of those phases look different for each individual (and even sometimes each sexual encounter), sex has roughly the same effect on everyone. So if you really need another reason to have sex (or you're just curious about what's really going on in your brain and the rest of your body), keep reading for five ways having sex affects your body.

1. Sex Can Help Relieve Pain and Lower Stress

The chemicals your brain releases during sex can also help relieve pain and lower your stress levels. A 2010 Princeton study found that rats who were more sexually active were less anxious, as sex stimulated cell growth in the hippocampus (an area of the brain associated with anxiety regulation).

While there's not a one-to-one correlation between rats and humans, there's plenty of anecdotal evidence to suggest this holds true for people (maybe you even have an anecdote of your own). And the endorphins released during sex act as natural painkillers. So Betty Dodson, PhD, a sex educator in private practice in New York City, recommends having sex or masturbating to help relieve menstrual cramps.

2. Sex Puts Your Body in Overdrive

You already know that sex is exciting, but your brain and body know it (and show it), too. Sex causes your heart rate, blood pressure and breathing rate to elevate. Blood is routed to the penis, vagina and nipples, making them hyper-sensitive to sensory input.

The rest of your skin may also become more sensitive to touch as well, and your pupils will often dilate. And when you climax, muscle tension and blood-vessel engorgement reach a peak, too. Some orgasms also result in a grasping-type muscular reflex of the hands and feet.

As the marriage equality vote draws toward its close, a comprehensive study published in the Medical Journal of Australia shows children raised in same-sex-parented families do as well as children raised by heterosexual couple parents.

The review of three decades of peer-reviewed research by Melbourne Children’s found children raised in same-sex-parented families did as well emotionally, socially and educationally as their peers.

The study’s findings will undercut one of the arguments that have been used by the No campaign: that children need both a mother and a father to flourish.

The study’s authors said their work aimed to put an end to the misinformation about children of same-sex couples and pointed out that the results had been replicated across independent studies in Australia and internationally.

Titled The Kids are OK: it is Discrimination Not Same-Sex Parents that Harms Children, the report comes as the postal survey voting period enters its final days. Votes must be received by the Australian Bureau of Statistics by November 7 and outcome will be announced on November 15. So far polling has indicated that the Yes campaign is headed for a convincing win.

Among the studies reviewed were the 2017 public policy research portal at Columbia Law School, which reviewed 79 studies investigating the wellbeing of children raised by gay or lesbian parents; a 2014 American Sociological Association review of more than 40 studies, which concluded that children raised by same-sex couples fared as well as other children across a number of wellbeing measures; and the Australian Institute of Family Studies’ 2013 review of the Australian and international research, which showed there was no evidence of harm.

“The findings of these reviews reflect a broader consensus within the fields of family studies and psychology. It is family processes – parenting quality, parental wellbeing, the quality of and satisfaction with relationships within the family) - rather than family structures that make a more meaningful difference to children’s wellbeing and positive development,” the researchers said.

The researchers said that studies reporting poor outcomes had been widely criticised for their methodological limitations. For example the widely quoted Regnerus study compared adults raised by a gay or lesbian parent in any family configuration with adults who were raised in stable, heterosexual, two-parent family environments, which may have distorted the outcomes.

I’ve had an influx of emails in my inbox recently from gay men expressing their struggles with perfectionism, depression and feelings of loneliness for being old in a youth-centric gay culture.

Putting sexuality aside for a split second, these are pretty shitty struggles to face. It pains me to know that this is the reality that many gay men face. When I read stories of men coming out in their 50s after being married to women for years, and guys in their 20s who have been rejected by their parents for being gay, it doesn’t come as a shock to me that we collectively hate ourselves for our shortcomings and insecurities.

Do we hate ourselves because we’re gay? Or do we hate ourselves because of the way we’ve been treated, the choices we’ve made or the circumstances we’ve faced? I argue it’s one or a combination of these claims.

Self hatred is a bitch. When we don’t feel adequate or good enough because we know we’re gay, our realities become heavy and burdensome. Unfortunately, most of us never had positive gay role models and we never got the education we needed to fully accept and love ourselves unconditionally.

Being gay is something we can’t change. It’s a circumstance we can come to accept or keep running from in a never ending game of denial. Life is much better when we accept it, but it doesn’t mean that the process of acceptance is easy. Acceptance means that we see reality for what it is, not what we want or expect it to be. That means if we feel the desire to kiss, love and have sex with another man, we honor that with our whole entire being. We don’t allow ourselves to miss out on the opportunities that our hearts and souls drive us toward.

I was sick and tired of hating myself several years after I came out of the closet, so I did everything I could to reduce the feelings of guilt, shame and loneliness. That’s when I immersed myself in studying mindfulness, self care and positive psychology. From these studies, I learned how to reverse self hatred and love myself unconditionally. These are some of the lessons that you can use immediately to reverse any lingering feelings of self hatred:

1. Believe that people are good. 

We have a choice in what we think and choose to believe. Do you believe that people are genuinely good or genuinely bad? Freud wanted us to believe the latter, but positive psychologists encourage us to believe that the former is true. One of my professors in college always said, “You won the sperm race! The thousands of other sperm lost. You beat then and you won the race. You’re a winner.” It’s true. Believe that you’re a good person because you really are. Once you believe this, you’re entire perspective can change.

Modern millennial men get more out of "bromances" with their best male friend than romances with their girlfriends, a new study has claimed.

Modern straight men have ditched the macho image and are prepared to embrace their emotions saying they find their close relationship with other men more satisfying, academics suggested.

They felt less judged and less likely to be nagged than by their girlfriends, while being able to express their emotions more to their male friends.

Scientists said the increasingly intimate, emotive and trusting nature of bromances offered young men a new social space for emotional disclosure, outside of traditional heterosexual relationships.

The findings showed how men who would once have avoided showing their emotions to their male friends for being labelled as gay has been cast aside.

Adam White, a postgraduate qualitative researcher at the University of Winchester said a recent study analysed straight undergraduate men's perspectives on a bromance.

He said: "That study showed that young men openly pronounce love for their bromances and engage in highly intimate behaviours, both emotionally and physically, which have until recently been socially prohibited in same-sex male friendships.

"In this article, we examine whether close male friendships have the capacity to rival the intimacy and affection traditionally reserved for romantic, heterosexual relationships."

He explained "the level of physical and emotional intimacy expressed between heterosexual young men is dependent on a number of socio-historical variables" and "homosocial intimacy flourished before the modern era."

Are you gay and want to hook up with a straight friend? We has several gay tests, tips, tricks, and advice on how you can hook up with your guy! The percent of men who are 100% straight is incredibly low. Studies show that most heterosexual identifying men have had curiosities or fleeting fantasies of engaging in homosexual activities. Several just don’t know where to turn. Very often they fantasize about their friends, that one guy they know who’s ‘kind of cute’. There’s even been evidence that men give other men better sexual satisfaction based on the fact that they already know what they like and how it works. There’s never been more opportunity to take a chance with that friend you’ve had your eyes on for years and years.

Gay Test or Simple Observation?

Are you gay and looking to score with that straight friend? Fact is, straight men that have sex with other men is far more common than you think! You can take a gay test to try and determine if he fits the profile of someone likely to hit the sheets with you, but you might not need to after you’ve read this!

There is something exciting about being gay and hooking up with another man that identifies as straight. Somehow, you’re special. You’re that one man. He shared a moment, fulfilled a curiosity, enjoyed a fantasy with you and only you. It might be only once, or it might be on and off, but that one moment full of heat, and passion, and thrill is all it takes to make you want to come back for more. Even just thinking about it might be enough to drive you mad!

Heteroflexibility is when someone is, for the most part, straight and enjoys heterosexual sex but gets off on a fling or two with their gay pals. Not everyone wants to identify as gay and participate in gay culture, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to have some fun every once in awhile. Most straight men simply identify more with the straight culture and stereotypically straight activities. That doesn’t mean they are only attracted to women. Sexuality is so fluid these days its hard to know what ‘kind of straight’ your man is, or if he’s even straight at all.

Can you hook up with your straight friend? Absolutely! Can you hook up with straight guys that are looking for a little variety in their sex life? Totally! If you’re interested in your straight friend, maybe trying to find a man you aren’t close with first is a good step. Wait until you’ve experienced sex with a straight man before you try and approach your friend and ask him the big question. MANPLAY.COM can cater to you, whatever you need. There’s plenty of men that are looking to experiment out there waiting for you. Tones of straight men have gay fantasies. They just need the right guy!

If you’re the straight man who is looking for a little something, There are plenty of places where you will find you exactly what you’re looking for to give you the best experience. Experiment and feel the thrill of being with another man before you approach your gay friend. No strings attached. No awkwardness afterwards. No need to go through any gay tests. Just pain good fun.

Gay Test 1: Hey, Are You Gay?

Whoa, slow down there! Most guys talk about sex all the time, but if they aren’t explicitly comfortable about their own sexuality or sexual fantasies they might not ever stray from the heteronormative. Asking them, "Are you gay?” right off the bat might not be the best move. Your straight friend could very well have been wanting to experiment with you for years without you even knowing it!

Better than asking the question so explicitly, consider a more modest approach. When you go out, make some offhanded comments and ask a couple of vague questions about sex and sexuality. See what their reaction is. See if they’re comfortable with a brush of shoulders or a nudge. Assess their comfort level around you and around sexuality.

If you have a mutual gay friend, why not ask him ‘did you know he’s gay?’ and see what his reaction is. Test the waters. Find out whether homosexuality makes him uncomfortable or not.

Gay Test 2: Horseplay is Your Friend

Most guys are physical and sexual beings. They love to DO and EXPERIENCE. They enjoy getting out there, getting their hands dirty, tumbling around and goofing off. You can use this to your advantage. If your straight friend is one of these guys, suggest a cottage trip in the summer that’s jam packed with all sorts of activities. Fool around and have fun. Get a feel for his interest level or flexibility on the matter while you’re out there being messy. See how comfortable he is with you being close to him.

If you play sports, you probably know this already: guys roughhouse and ‘flirt’ with one another all the time. Push each other into lockers, slap one another with towels, and generally get physical and silly around one another. Use this to your advantage! If you play your cards right, you can plant that little seed of curiosity and cultivate it in good time. Then when the time strikes, you’ve got the answer you want to the big question. Want to experiment? Absolutely!

It was a humid evening in Indiana and the first night of a five-day national Boy Scout conference. I was sitting at a large table at the local bar surrounded by friends I hadn’t seen in at least a year. We spent most of the night catching each other up on our lives and reminiscing about our common Scouting memories. Although I gladly shared my life’s news with the company, I was also dwelling on a more personal mission I had that week.

I got up from the table, walked over to the back, and sat down with one of my closest friends. After a few minutes, and a few more beers, I mustered up the courage to say, “So, I’m gay, and I’ve been out of the closet for two years.”

In my experience, Scouting hadn’t been an unsafe place for people to be out. In my early years I’d never heard of a boy being removed from my local council because of their sexuality. Later when I served on the national level, I knew several LGBTQ Scouts, both in and out of the closet.

Ryan (second from the left) at a conference with Mike (far right) and some other Scouting friends.

So this conversation went rather smoothly. “Oh really? I had heard a rumor before,” he told me. “That was expected,” I thought.

He and I spent the rest of the evening discussing the things which I had been brooding on: The state of the LGBTQ community today, being out in the Boy Scouts, and my place in this web of complexities.

Breaking Away From The Norm

In our conversation that night, we talked about the notion that being gay and being straight should carry equal weight in conversation and in our daily lives. This struck close to home for me, because in my own coming-out process I grappled with this issue, and I ultimately came to a very different conclusion.

We assume, to nobody’s fault, that each person we meet is straight-it’s just a matter of probability-so when we strike up a conversation with a new person we often use this assumption. LGBTQ folks have to place extra weight on their sexuality every day when they bring it up in conversation to change somebody’s assumption. This adds to the heap of societal pressures already placed on LGBTQ folks. Accepting, navigating, and overcoming this challenge, without blaming society for our struggle, is taxing.

It’s true that I had never seen direct discrimination because of a Scout’s sexuality, but the climate our anti-gay membership policy fostered for years did not lend for an easy path out, and complicated things once you were out. So many people, fearful over one thing or another, either remained in the closet during their Scouting life, or tip-toed around with a cat’s precision. As Alex Call and Dwayne Fontenette describe in their stories about growing up as gay Scouts, there is still so much work to be done to build a safe environment for LGBTQ Scouts today.

So at this conference and in my general life, it became my mission to toe the line between this freedom to discuss me being gay in conversation and not forcing acceptance upon those not immediately accepting.

“Until our quest for world domination turns at least half the global population gay, we have to accept that our sexuality is unequal,” I quipped later in our conversation. I left that night having gained what I’d hoped for: a closer friendship and another trusted confidant.

‘On my trips out on the gay scene, I actually shook in fear of being discovered and exposed as a gay policeman’.

I was born when it was illegal to be a gay man in the UK.

When I grew up in the Home Counties in the 60s and 70s, nobody seemed even aware of any other sexuality other than heterosexual. I knew I didn’t fit but didn’t know why. There was a gay society at university but that didn’t apply to me – or so I thought.

I thought I knew what a gay person was, and I didn’t see myself in that stereotype. What’s more, I could prove it – by dating women.

But while I knew I wanted to have a family, I wasn’t sexually attracted by women. There were no role models for me, and I was left extremely confused.

Malcolm Cuthbert of Equality Wealth (right) is now a proud father.

I was shocked to find my fellow police officer entrapping gay men

Back then, I was both idealistic and naïve. So, aged 21, I decided to become a police officer. As PC 1048 Cuthbert, I wanted to change the world and make it a better place – to repeat, I was naïve.

The UK police force of the 1980s was not only a very macho culture, it was also deeply homophobic and sexist. Gay sex was technically legal. But I was shocked to find the police were prosecuting what was called ‘gross indecency’.

I remember the criminal law statute said gross indecency included men entwining of their legs. To make matters even worse, some forces were using entrapment to find and prosecute men for this victimless crime.

My first trips to Soho were fearful affairs

About the same time, I discovered the bright lights of Soho. Back then, gay life was very different to now, but it made me realise I was gay.

Like most gay men at the time, my gay life consisted of occasional fleeting visits to Soho. Sadly these were fearful affairs. I actually shook in fear of being discovered and exposed as a gay policeman.

It now seems so far away and so strange but at the time the fear was visceral. A police friend of mine who I didn’t know was gay, was exposed by the News of the World for having an affair with another man. I actually got in touch and offered him my support. But I didn’t dare come out, even to him. That was far too dangerous!

It was very clear there was no way I could continue as PC 1048 Cuthbert.

It was only at the age of 35 and with the help of a fantastic gay friend that I came out to my friends and family. This was what I call my liberation phase. Like many gay men of my generation, I think of this time as my ‘teenage years’. It was a period of self-discovery.

In general, people have a tendency to shy away from things that are different or not completely understood. Fear and prejudice are usually two elements that accompany a lack of understanding. It's evident in the complex issue of sexuality all over the world, but especially here in America.

The reality is that there are some things in life that you truly have to experience in order to grasp the full scope. Being a member of the LGBT community is one of those things. When you yourself aren't living the experience, the next best mind opener is to witness someone close to you go through them.

Fortunately, my life presented me with those opportunities early on. My parents basically had two sets of children and there's a huge age gap between my oldest siblings and me, which lead to me having several nieces and nephews so close in age that we were raised like brothers and sisters instead of me being recognized as their uncle.

My eldest nephew, in particular, is a month older than I. Being just a month apart, we naturally built a strong bond basically from birth. Life has taken us in different directions and we don't communicate much these days, but there are some things that being around my nephew taught me that I will never forget.

From the very moment that I could remember, there was something different about by nephew. The most obvious moment was when my unofficial first kiss was with another guy. I'm a heterosexual male, but yeah, my nephew kissed me when we were kids.

BOGOTÁ, Colombia - Pedro Santos, the nephew of Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos, was 14 when he came out as gay to his parents nearly a decade ago.

Pedro Santos’ father, Francisco Santos, who is Juan Manuel Santos’ brother, was Colombia’s vice president at the time. Pedro Santos told the Washington Blade on Sept. 28 during an interview at a coffee shop in the Chapinero neighborhood of the Colombian capital of Bogotá that he planned to tell his parents over dinner at a restaurant, but he had to abruptly cancel the reservation because his brother was admitted to the hospital with appendicitis.

Pedro Santos is the gay nephew of Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos. (Photo courtesy of Pedro Santos)

Pedro Santos instead brought his parents to a McDonald’s near the hospital.

“Now imagine my dad is in office,” Pedro Santos, who is now 22, told the Blade. “He has 100 bodyguards. My mom has 100 bodyguards. I have 100 bodyguards. They evacuate the McDonald’s. The McDonald’s is secured for my mom, my dad and me and we’re in this small table for three people in this regular McDonald’s with 100 people listening to me coming out to my parents.”

Pedro Santos described the scene to the Blade as “crazy.”

“I’m just sobbing and sobbing for one hour until my father tells me, ‘You’re gay, right?’ and I tell him, ‘Yes I’m gay,’” he recalled, noting his parents’ reaction was “beautiful.”

‘I can talk from a place of privilege’

Pedro Santos sat down with the Blade against the backdrop of the expansion of rights based on sexual orientation and gender identity in Colombia and the implementation of an LGBT-inclusive peace agreement between the country’s government and the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia that his uncle helped to broker.

Gays and lesbians have been able to legally marry in Colombia since the country’s Constitutional Court in 2016 ruled banning marriage between same-sex couples was unconstitutional. The Colombian Congress in May rejected a proposed referendum on whether to rescind adoption rights to same-sex couples.

Juan Manuel Santos’ government in 2015 issued a decree to notaries and registrars that said transgender people could legally change their name and gender on identification cards and other government documents without surgery.

Angélica Lozano - a bisexual woman who is the first openly LGBT person elected to the country’s congress - in March told the Blade during an exclusive interview that she plans to run for a seat in the Colombian Senate. Her partner, Sen. Claudia López, is running for president as a candidate for the centrist Green Alliance (Alianza Verde in Spanish.)

Violence and discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity remains commonplace in Colombia, in spite of these advances. Former President Álvaro Uribe - under whose administration Francisco Santos served as the country’s vice president - and former Inspector General Alejandro Ordóñez are among the most vocal opponents of LGBT rights in the country.

Pedro Santos - a photographer who lives part-time in Brooklyn, N.Y., and spent the bulk of his childhood in Spain - last spoke with his uncle five years ago at his sister’s graduation. Pedro Santos told the Blade that his uncle is “somewhat” responsible for advancing LGBT rights in Colombia, but acknowledged violence and discrimination remains a serious problem.

“I can talk from a place of privilege,” said Pedro Santos. “I’m a gay male and there are a lot of trans women and trans men that don’t come with the same luck as we do.”

Erections are a normal part of every man’s sexual health, and they occur for various reasons. Sexual arousal is the most common cause of erections, but prostate stimulation can also cause an erection, even if no direct sexual stimulation is involved. In fact, men can randomly get erections throughout the day for seemingly no reason at all. However, there is one type of erection that mystifies both men and women: the morning erection, sometimes colloquially referred to as “morning wood”.

Common Myths About Morning Erections

One of the biggest misunderstandings regarding erections upon waking is that they are caused by the need to urinate. Men should know, but for women and for men who don’t understand how the penis works, it doesn’t become erect when urine is flowing through the urethra. In fact, the urge to urinate has very little to do with the urethra at all. The pressure felt when one needs to urinate is coming from the bladder, not the penis.

And, again, as mentioned, during urination, the penis does not get erect. In fact, for men, it can be incredibly difficult to urinate with an erect penis. As such, an additional theory is that the penis becomes erect during sleep in order to keep a man from urinating during the night, but there are many other processes within the body that regulate urination during sleep that this doesn’t seem plausible.

Another myth about morning erections is that a man is sexually aroused. It’s certainly possible, but a morning erection does not directly correlate to being turned on. This misconception can actually cause trouble in relationships when a man has an erection, is not in the mood, but his wife believes that he is. She tries to make a move, he rejects her, and then feelings are hurt. She’s thinking that, because he has an erection, he’s automatically ready to have sex, but this is not necessarily the case.

In addition to that, some people believe that morning erections are the result of sexual dreams prior to waking. While this can be true, and while men do get erections throughout the night, sexual dreams are not directly correlated to morning erections. In fact, sexual dreams may not result in an erection at all as the body and brain have a somewhat disconnected relationship during this time.

So What Does Cause Erections Upon Waking?

According to an article in Cosmopolitan Magazine, there really isn’t much that science has that conclusively gives a singular reason for erections upon waking. This is partly due to a lack of studying the subject, but it’s also because of the complex nature of sexual health in general.

The reproductive organs of both men and women are complicated enough, but the related hormones, emotions, and mental components make things even more difficult to understand. All of these things play into why erections occur in the first place, and because a man is sleeping when the erection occurs, he can’t exactly tell a scientist what was going on at the moment.

REM Sleep and Erections

One theory is that, during REM sleep, certain parts of the brain shut down, meaning the penis, and other parts of the body, are acting on their own. This has been theorized due to a study by the Society of Endocrinology that showed how active different parts of the brain act during different times and types of sleep.

It’s already well-known that the body twitches, jerks, rolls around, and the mouth makes audible noises during sleep, and some people even sleepwalk. In fact, to a larger point, the body can even get up, prepare meals, eat, drive, and do all kinds of other activities during sleep with the person having no recollection of these activities upon wakes. As such, it makes sense that the penis can also “have a mind of its own” during sleep and prior to waking.

In the men’s toilets of most nightclubs, you’ll find a range of aftershaves, lollipops and chewing gum - more often than not, accompanied by a piece of advice: if you don’t have the right spray, “you won’t get your lay”.

In a gay club, the picture is similar, but turbo-charged.

Products. There are so many products. Hair spray, mousse, wet-look gel and powder promising that tousled surfer look. Often, the queue to wash your hands is endlessly drawn out by people preening in the mirror.

Body image is an issue for many men, regardless of sexuality. But it seems to be more of a problem in the gay community.

When it comes to appearance, gay men hold themselves - and one another - to far more exacting standards.

(Huey -David)

I spoke to a few men anonymously about this on Grindr. As one told me, “what’s seen as normal in straight men isn’t the same with gay men. “You can be ‘straight thin’, but ‘gay fat’.”

A leading gay lifestyle magazine, Attitude, has just published an entire issue dedicated to body image problems in the gay community.

In a recent survey by the magazine, 84% of respondents said they felt under intense pressure to have a good body. Only 1% considered themselves “very happy” with their appearance.

According to Attitude’s Editor-in-Chief, Matt Cain, “There is an epidemic of gay men taking shirtless selfies in the gym, desperate for affirmation.”

David Leveseque, a gay vlogger who recently posted a video on this topic, told me, “I’ve definitely had an unhealthy relationship with my own body in the past, and I think Matt Cain is right. Part of the obsession some gay men have with their appearance definitely comes from seeking validation.”

He said, “Gay people often don’t feel accepted. But, the thinking goes, if people think you’re good-looking, they like you. They look past your sexual orientation.”

Attitude’s former Editor, Matthew Todd, wrote about this in his book Straight Jacket: How to be Gay and Happy.

Todd argued that homosexuality is often accompanied by feelings of shame stemming from a lack of acceptance in society. Those feelings can lead to a lack of acceptance for ourselves, which leads to an unhealthy fixation with our appearance.

“Everyone experiences not liking how they look sometimes, but when you really don't like yourself then it will manifest as really not liking the way you look,” he writes.

In 2014, the International Journal of Eating Disorders found that gay or bisexual men were three times more likely than straight men to have body image issues.

It seems to be the other way around for women, with a 2013 study finding thatlesbian women reported less body dissatisfaction than heterosexual women.

Want to arouse a guy and make him sweat while hanging out with him? Just try these 9 steps on how to make a guy horny and you’ll see how easy it can be!

Are you sexually attracted to a guy, but don’t know what to do about it?

Or do you feel the sexual chemistry tingle each time both of you hang out, but you don’t know if he’s attracted to you too?

Fret not, because arousing a guy without ever making it obvious just got as easy as snapping your fingers!

How to make a guy horny?

There are so many ways to turn a guy on.

But it all starts with sexual attraction and arousal.

If you’ve made a guy look at you in a more-than-just-friends kind of way, you’re there already. All you need to do is bat your eyelids and he’d jump into bed with you.

But even if you’ve never ever made it obvious that you like him, or even if he has no clue, you can still make him desire you and want you sexually just by following a few simple steps.

The art of seduction without making it obvious.

Here’s the first tip you need to remember. Guys love mystery. As much as we guys may hate to admit it or believe it ourselves, evolution has always made a man crave for something he can’t easily have.

Remember this when you’re trying to seduce a guy or trying to make him horny. Don’t make it obvious. The more mysterious you are, the more the suspense and the more hornier he’d get!

Take it slow and play it cool. If you’re trying to make a guy horny when sitting next to him *and you aren’t dating him already*, making your intentions too easy to read can kill the mood. If he realizes that you’re trying to seduce him, he may do one of these two things.

He may take advantage of the fact that you’re desperate to get into bed with him, and sleep with you *and forget all about you the next morning because you were just an easy lay to him*. Or secondly, he may assume you’re tricking him into something wicked like a bad prank and he may cold shoulder you or back away by asking you to take it easy!

Either ways, it’s not going to work in your favor because the outcome would just be humiliation or embarrassment.

Don’t be funny when you’re trying to get a guy horny.

Here’s the second tip you need to keep in mind to make a guy horny effortlessly. When you’re trying to seduce a guy while sitting next to him or having a conversation with him, it’s obvious that there would be a few awkward pauses and silent moments now and then.

But don’t kill the sexual mood by laughing, appearing awkward, or talking incessantly. Look away if you can’t handle the awkward tension, but don’t ever laugh. Laughing loudly kills the mood instantly, lifts both of you out of the haze of sexual tension and flings the two of you down to the ground.

How can you tell if he’s getting aroused?

The most important thing you need to remember when you’re trying to seduce a guy is to make him want to touch you. When a guy is horny, however respectable he may be, he’d just have a hard time keeping his hands off of you! *it doesn’t matter who’s around, he’d just want to grab you*

If you’re sitting alone with a guy, have anywhere between fifteen to twenty minutes of alone time with each other, try these tips mentioned here, and if he’s getting a horny stiffy in his pants, you’d know it as soon as he starts looking for excuses to touch you, or lingers each time he runs his hands over you.

The breakup was terrible. I cheated on him and lied about it for months. I finally told him the truth, answering his oft-repeated inquiries about my infidelity with a final, fateful “Yes.” Yet we remained locked in a toxic back-and-forth, shouting insults at each other for another month.

Late one night, in a parking lot, after spending an angry hour on the phone, I made a decision that was an act of mercy for both of us: I decided never to speak to him again. And I didn’t - that is, until my phone buzzed with a text message from a name I never expected to see on my screen again: “Do you want to get coffee?”

I did. I needed to tell him I was sorry; he needed to tell me how much I hurt him. We both needed to hug. Since that day, I’ve reflected on the lessons the relationship taught me, and what I learned from him because he was bisexual.

1. Bisexual people are not predisposed to infidelity.

I was the cheater - not him. Sure, he may have technically had more options than me. He was drawn to men and women, while I was only drawn to men, but that didn’t make him any more promiscuous or untrustworthy than the next guy. Far from it. In fact, he was unbearably monogamous and loyal to a fault. This led to his heartache, since he was trying to date me: a gay guy who’s not monogamously inclined, a guy who was too immature at the time to say, “Hey, I’m not really looking for a relationship.”

There remains this bizarre notion that someone who is attracted to multiple genders will inevitably miss having sex with people of the gender they’re not currently sleeping with and will therefore cheat. Even if a bisexual person cheats, it’s hardly evidence that bisexuality leads a person to infidelity­ - no more than my cheating is evidence that homosexuality makes homosexuals cheat. At most, it’s evidence that the cheater is not presently cut out for monogamous dating.

2. Bisexuality is real.

Yes, he truly was attracted to both men and women. His claim to bisexuality wasn’t a transitional phase or halfway point between straight and gay.

I understand where this misconception comes from. Many gay guys (myself included) claim to be bisexual as our first “baby step” out of the closet. We’re too scared to swing the door all the way open with a fabulous “We’re here!”

Unfortunately for my ex, and other bisexual men and women, those of us who use a bisexual identity as a “halfway house” contribute to the widespread negative notion that anyone who identifies as bi is actually a flimsy, half-hearted gay man or lesbian. It’s one reason why so many bisexuals - my ex included - feel excluded from the LGBT movement.

Let’s acknowledge the real blame lies with queers like me who didn’t fully come out in the beginning. Our temporary claims of bisexuality damage the credibility - and the dating field - of those whose bisexuality is far from temporary.

Karl Kreile and Bodo Mende, the first to take advantage of the country’s new law, walked down the aisle in Berlin.

As they entered the golden room of Schöneberg town hall to the strains of Mendelssohn’s Wedding March, Bodo Mende and Karl Kreile were only doing what tens of thousands of other couples had done before – tying the knot in front of friends and family in the southern Berlin district.

But they were also making history as the first same-sex couple able to marry in Germany, after a new law came into force which finally puts gay and lesbian couples on an equal legal footing with heterosexuals.

(Bodo Mende (left) and Karl Kreile celebrate after saying their vows. They have been in a civil partnership since 2002. Photograph: Steffi Loos/Getty Images)

“After 38 years together, this is a day we’ve waited a long time for,” 59-year-old Kreile told the Guardian ahead of Sunday’s ceremony. “We’ve actively campaigned for decades for the state to recognise us as equals. and finally we are able to celebrate a day we once thought may never come in our lifetimes.”

Mende, 60, said it was a “huge honour” for the couple to be the first in Germanyto marry. “I remember the shame we felt when we were turned away from a registry office 25 years ago when we confronted the registrar as part of an organised protest. They made us feel like second-class citizens.”

Instead of feeling like pariahs, Kreile and Mende were on Sunday elevated to the status of heroes. Many of those who had campaigned with the couple over the years clapped and cheered alongside them as they kissed after saying their vows and signed their marriage documents.

Germany has now become the 14th European country to legalise gay marriage, and the 23rd worldwide following a historic Bundestag vote in June.

Gordon Holland, the registrar overseeing the ceremony, said Schöneberg was proud to be “firing a symbolic starter pistol”. Since the 1920s, the district has been a centre for gay and lesbian life, its free-spirited culture immortalised in the novels of Britain’s Christopher Isherwood, who lived in the district. It has also been the centre stage, over the decades, of strident battles for homosexual rights, a reputation it first earned when it held the world’s first gay demonstration in 1922.

“Schöneberg has been shaped by the way it has stood up for gay rights for the best part of a century,” said Mende, who has lived there for years. “The world’s first gay and trans bars started here, and it has survived two world wars and many attempts to eliminate it,” he added, recalling the thousands of homosexuals from the district who were murdered by the Nazis. “So it’s fitting we’re here again today to mark this historic moment,.”

Since 2001, same-sex couples in Germany have been allowed to register civil partnerships. At the time they were introduced, Germany was praised by campaigners for its trailblazer role. But it went on to lag behind other countries that subsequently introduced gay marriage. When Ireland made it legal in 2015, German campaigners called it highly embarrassing that Germany had been beaten even by a country with strong Catholic roots.