We get it. Gay men love straight women. And Straight women love gay men.
The “fag hag” has long been an established part of gay life. There have been entire sitcoms and romcoms devoted to the subject. We all know the set-up: the fabulous glamorous woman on the arm of a gay man who loves and adores all her best and worst qualities, and offers her insights into the male mind that her female friends can't provide.
It’s not rocket science. Gays love girls as they probably identified with them more growing up, and girls love gays for their honesty and humour.
I’ve lost count of the number of fag hags I’ve accumulated over the years; they love me for the reasons outlined above, and I love them (and their shoes) equally.
So why a survey, conducted by the University of Texas and published last week, is needed to point this out we will probably never know, since its findings can be filed in the same folder which declared that the Pope is Catholic and Diana is dead.
What's more, this latest celebration of the bond between fag and hagdoing a disservice to another important emotional connection the modern gay man enjoys; his friendship with straight men. Increasingly, the perceived barriers between straight and gay men appear to be falling away, and it’s easy to see why.
It’s happening in social situations. Gay and straight men are mixing more, mainly in straight venues (one of the reasons so many gay bars are closing). Nowadays venues are seen by their punters as being just bars, with no sexual orientation assigned to them. Gay people are no longer compelled to keep away from spaces associated with straight socialising, so they just don’t need as many of their own places.
And it works both ways. On a personal level this is demonstrated by the number of my straight male friends who insist on joining my fag hags and I on our annual trip to a place perceived as one of the “gayest’ destinations in the world: Mykonos.
Take my friend Paul. You would not find a more red-blooded heterosexual man if you tried. He personifies the word “geezer”. Yet Paul will kiss and hug me and our other close gay friends when he meets them, and will happily join in with the risqué (and at times outright crude) banter between the gay men around the table. In fact most of the more outrageous comments come from him.
And then there’s my straight friend Tim, whose 50th birthday party which was attended by more gay men than you’d have found in the toilets of the old Astoria nightclub.
But the friendships between gay and straight men go far deeper than fun nights out or holidays, even though, when you consider the history of both groups, shouldn’t be the case at all.
Gay men and straight men have historically feared each other. Many straight men used to worry about having to reject the unwanted advances of gay men, or that they themselves would be seen as less masculine for being friends with gay men. Many gay men would steer clear of heterosexual man, whose inherent homophobia was never far below the surface.
But, thankfully, those stereotypes no longer seem to matter, and a new history is being created. The mutual fear is turning into love, with mutual benefits.
A gay men who is friends with a straight man knows they can spend hours in each other’s company with no sexual tension brewing; that’s not always the case between gay guys.
They know their straight friend will have absolutely no judgement at all about what they look like, which can lead to a less pressured friendship.
And what better therapy is there for a gay men to be good friends with the kind of guy who, historically, might have been the one bullying them in the school changing rooms? It’s nice to know not only is that guy now on your side, but they’ll fight your corner if you encounter anyone who judges you.
On the other side of the coin, many straight guys love the attention they get from gay men who don’t know they’re straight; such advances are no longer viewed as a smear on their sexuality. And many of the straight male friends I have are slightly fascinated and perhaps a little jealous by the sexual freedom they perceive gay men to have. I definitely get more questions about the sexual side of gay relationships from straight men than I do anyone else.
What's more, many single straight guys are now smart enough to know that there’s a steady stream of gorgeous straight women who are often in the company of gay men.
And, perhaps most importantly, in my experience many straight men feel far more comfortable confiding their deepest darkest secrets and insecurities to their closest gay male friends, and it makes perfect sense why. There’s none of the pressure of old-fashioned masculinity they feel from their straight male peers, so they feel more comfortable opening up to a gay men. And in an age when so many men just don’t talk about their feelings, this is vitally important.
The “fag hag” has long been an established part of gay life. There have been entire sitcoms and romcoms devoted to the subject. We all know the set-up: the fabulous glamorous woman on the arm of a gay man who loves and adores all her best and worst qualities, and offers her insights into the male mind that her female friends can't provide.
It’s not rocket science. Gays love girls as they probably identified with them more growing up, and girls love gays for their honesty and humour.
I’ve lost count of the number of fag hags I’ve accumulated over the years; they love me for the reasons outlined above, and I love them (and their shoes) equally.
So why a survey, conducted by the University of Texas and published last week, is needed to point this out we will probably never know, since its findings can be filed in the same folder which declared that the Pope is Catholic and Diana is dead.
What's more, this latest celebration of the bond between fag and hagdoing a disservice to another important emotional connection the modern gay man enjoys; his friendship with straight men. Increasingly, the perceived barriers between straight and gay men appear to be falling away, and it’s easy to see why.
It’s happening in social situations. Gay and straight men are mixing more, mainly in straight venues (one of the reasons so many gay bars are closing). Nowadays venues are seen by their punters as being just bars, with no sexual orientation assigned to them. Gay people are no longer compelled to keep away from spaces associated with straight socialising, so they just don’t need as many of their own places.
And it works both ways. On a personal level this is demonstrated by the number of my straight male friends who insist on joining my fag hags and I on our annual trip to a place perceived as one of the “gayest’ destinations in the world: Mykonos.
Take my friend Paul. You would not find a more red-blooded heterosexual man if you tried. He personifies the word “geezer”. Yet Paul will kiss and hug me and our other close gay friends when he meets them, and will happily join in with the risqué (and at times outright crude) banter between the gay men around the table. In fact most of the more outrageous comments come from him.
And then there’s my straight friend Tim, whose 50th birthday party which was attended by more gay men than you’d have found in the toilets of the old Astoria nightclub.
But the friendships between gay and straight men go far deeper than fun nights out or holidays, even though, when you consider the history of both groups, shouldn’t be the case at all.
Gay men and straight men have historically feared each other. Many straight men used to worry about having to reject the unwanted advances of gay men, or that they themselves would be seen as less masculine for being friends with gay men. Many gay men would steer clear of heterosexual man, whose inherent homophobia was never far below the surface.
But, thankfully, those stereotypes no longer seem to matter, and a new history is being created. The mutual fear is turning into love, with mutual benefits.
A gay men who is friends with a straight man knows they can spend hours in each other’s company with no sexual tension brewing; that’s not always the case between gay guys.
They know their straight friend will have absolutely no judgement at all about what they look like, which can lead to a less pressured friendship.
And what better therapy is there for a gay men to be good friends with the kind of guy who, historically, might have been the one bullying them in the school changing rooms? It’s nice to know not only is that guy now on your side, but they’ll fight your corner if you encounter anyone who judges you.
On the other side of the coin, many straight guys love the attention they get from gay men who don’t know they’re straight; such advances are no longer viewed as a smear on their sexuality. And many of the straight male friends I have are slightly fascinated and perhaps a little jealous by the sexual freedom they perceive gay men to have. I definitely get more questions about the sexual side of gay relationships from straight men than I do anyone else.
What's more, many single straight guys are now smart enough to know that there’s a steady stream of gorgeous straight women who are often in the company of gay men.
And, perhaps most importantly, in my experience many straight men feel far more comfortable confiding their deepest darkest secrets and insecurities to their closest gay male friends, and it makes perfect sense why. There’s none of the pressure of old-fashioned masculinity they feel from their straight male peers, so they feel more comfortable opening up to a gay men. And in an age when so many men just don’t talk about their feelings, this is vitally important.
Through this article, I hope you will get the best friendship with the straight men. Good luck to you.
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