Are you in a gay relationship right now? Do you feel like you’re losing yourself in your current relationship? Or are you so persistent on that person that you have forgotten your own life? Are you thinking why the spark seems to be gone? If you feel all these, you may be losing yourself. And you have to deal with it.

We want to provide you 11 steps to not lose yourself in your relationship. We want your relationship to last and for you to be happy.

Knowing how to not lose yourself in a relationship could be relatively hard from the start. After all, when you get into a relationship, the thing that comes into your mind is that you and your partner are now one, sharing one bedroom, sharing one house, etc. However, if you know that you are losing yourself in the process and it is becoming even more destructive, you need to start finding yourself again.

Below are the top eleven tips on how to not lose yourself and create a relationship that is more endearing and everlasting.

1. Keep Your Interest In Life

The very first thing that you have to do is ensure that you keep all your interest in life that you had or the activities you did before your partner arrived. If your partner doesn’t want to go hiking, it does not mean that you need to quit as well. Call your co-workers or your close friends and hang out every so often, it will provide him a reason to go out with his buddies. Many believe that the answer to being in a rapport isn’t pursuing anything which their dearest love doesn’t. This is wrong. You must still have a life of friends that you had before the relationship. You need continuity in your life and to abruptly stop is to lose interest in your own individual life.

2. Prioritize Sex

When knowing “how not to lose yourself “in a relationship, sometimes you turn out to be aloof with your partner. You can even set off ignoring sex and the whole thing that sex has to give because your not introducing what you need in bed to your partner. Well, the answer to this is to give emphasis to sex and you must definitely prioritize sex. It is being mutually compatible and both working towards each others’ satisfaction; suffice to say I am sure you wouldn’t appreciate the other party “faking it” or anything along those lines and would want them to be open and direct in terms of what they like and don’t like and then working towards something that leaves both of you happy overall. Simply put, if they’re happy then you may be, but it must be mutual and you should expect the same level of courtesy. Your partner must be involved in assisting you to keep your own individuality so communicate your sexual needs .

3. Communicate

Open or frequent communication with the partner is considered one of the things to consider if you do not want to lose yourself if you are in a relationship. Your partner will have your back always. Let him know about your feeling and he will surely understand that, because he loves you. Both of you are on a journey of discovery and both of you should communicate on where the relationship is going.

4. Do Not Lose Yourself

Simply because you are in a relationship does not mean that you need to forget about the whole thing that you love. In a relationship, it is so easy to get over-involved with talking about bills, your relationship and ordinary things in life, however you also need to time to talk about your feelings, your day, yourself and your life as a whole. Your partner must also be capable to perform the same.

"You must Love yourself first than any relationship is a plus but not a must."

5. Don’t Assume

You cannot assume that your partner is not feeling precisely similar way as yours. Your partner can be feeling like slipping away too, or your relationship is on sold footing and that is the reason why frequent communication must be on your mind. Always remember that you are in this as one and you must help one another.

6. Don’t Ignore the Presence of Your Partner

In many relationships, it only seems to take place naturally wherein one partner takes advantage of his or her partner. You have to ensure that you’re showing how bless you are for coming into his life, if you do this no doubt he will also do the same thing. It’s a perfect means to keep the relationship strong as well as for you to stay your personality. Also, do not get stuck in roles, for example, where you do all the cooking and he does all the grocery shopping. Change it up a little so both of you appreciate what both are giving to the relationship. It will not become stagnant.

The marriage issue preoccupied activists in 2017 but it’s unclear whether that campaigning power can be harnessed for issues such as trans and intersex rights.

Easier gender changes on birth certificates. Preventing unnecessary surgery on intersex children. Gender education in schools and LGBTI acceptance in aged care.

These are just some of the LGBTI causes raised as priorities by Australian community leaders and activists keen to keep the ball rolling after the passage of marriage equality legislation.

A fact often lost in the postal survey debate is that marriage equality is not the be-all and end-all for queer people, for the simple reason that many are opposite-sex attracted and could already marry – particularly people who are bisexual, trans or intersex.

But now one of the last forms of discrimination before the law of gay and lesbian Australians has been lifted it remains to be seen if there’s enough solidarity to bank the win and move on to the next fight.

Anna Brown, the Equality Campaign co-chair, played a pivotal role in the marriage equality campaign and says it’s now time to refocus on trans and intersex rights and gender diversity issues.

“It’s only appropriate given how much these groups were targeted by the no campaign,” she says. “As a movement we have a responsibility to stand by them and make sure they’re not left behind … to amplify their voices.”

Whether it was the Coalition for Marriage’s ads about gender education or Cory Bernardi criticising a charity day allowing boys to wear dresses, much of the opposition to marriage equality had little to do with homosexuality. Brown suggests trans and gender diverse people were “collateral damage” in the campaign.

The executive director of Transgender Victoria, Sally Goldner, says the no campaign displayed “gross prejudice by implying there is something wrong with gender diversity when, of course, it just is [diverse]”.

Brown, the director of advocacy at the Human Rights Law Centre, is on a mission to remove “every last stain of discrimination” from the statute books.

She cites overturning the ban on same-sex adoption in the Northern Territory and access to assisted reproductive technology in Western Australia and the NT as the next cabs off the rank.

One change that is directly related to marriage is forced trans divorce. All states and territories except South Australia and the Australian Capital Territory require trans people to get divorced before they can change their gender on their birth certificates.

For people including the Greens’ LGBTI spokeswoman, Janet Rice, and her wife, Penny, the laws create an agonising choice between preserving one’s marriage or officially changing gender.

Penny will wait for the law to change before changing her gender, but Rice says legislation of marriage equality is already having a normalising effect for them.

“Penny and I have gone from being one of the very few same-sex couples legally married to being joined by thousands of others who had overseas marriages,” she says.

Although marriage equality is a big step forward for gay and lesbian Australians in particular, many of the issues affecting the trans and intersex community have little to do with saying “I do”.

Goldner represents trans and bisexual communities and points to the urgent need to flatten out disparities in mental health for these groups.

She says trans people and bisexual women “are more likely to be homeless and on the receiving end of domestic violence”.

She adds the need to make it easier to change gender on birth certificates, noting that only the ACT and SA allow changes without gender reassignment surgery.

That means in six states and territories children can’t change their birth certificate, even with parental consent.

The family court has allowed children to undergo stage-two hormone treatmentwithout going to court, with parental and doctors’ consent, but Goldner says adults still face “huge out-of-pocket costs” to transition gender.

“That’s often something that stops people living life as their authentic self,” she says.

The trans activist Kate Doak identifies the mental health needs of trans youth as the priority, citing the high rate of attempted suicide by trans children.

“Any form of program which responsibly prevents bullying, reduces instances of anxiety and depression needs to be the focus,” she says.

Rice says the Greens will be particularly focused on “removing prejudice against trans people”, citing the need to ensure equality in spheres such as sport and education. She says initiatives such as the anti-bullying program Safe Schools are “exactly the sort of program to end a culture of bullying and discrimination”.

Morgan Carpenter, the executive co-director of Organisation Intersex International Australia, says the key demand for the intersex community is for a prohibition of deferrable medical interventions, including surgery and hormone treatments, that alter the sex characteristics of infants and children without their consent.

“Many of us have experienced medical interventions to make our bodies appear more typically female or male, without our informed consent,” Carpenter says. “We know that such practices remain routine in Australian hospitals.”

"We need to talk," he texted completely out of the blue.

‘Lol it sounds like you’re about to break up with me,’ I jokingly replied.

‘Well, James – I don’t know what to say.’

I was stunned. He asked me to meet him at one of our favorite date spots by the river and we sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity.

‘Feelings have changed,’ he finally spluttered out.

This gay guy was dumped on Christmas Eve (Image: supplied)

Literally a few days before, we had been ice skating at a special Christmas rink in the centre of the city in Sydney, laughing as we picked up loose ice and playfully throwing it at each other.

And now here we were. Awkwardly hugging and faithlessly reassuring each other we’ll still be friends.

But why did he do it?

‘Feelings have changed.’ That’s all he said and that’s all I remember repeating to myself in disbelief as I drove home alone. I kept trying to piece together what happened, but I just felt completely blindsided.

When I got home, I slumped onto my bed and sobbed. It was the first time I had been broken up with and it hurt like hell.

The next morning, I woke up on Christmas Day and the festive spirit seemed drained out of my body with every tear I cried the night before.

Family delicately skirted around the empty place mat during Christmas lunch but no one said a word about it. Progressively, the sadness grew into anger at how sudden the whole break up seemed.

And to this day, I still don’t know exactly why he did it.

Imagine the perfect morning. You get up early, eat breakfast, shower long and luxuriously, put on a killer outfit, and head out into the world. On the train, a stranger says you look beautiful. You smile and thank them. But you already knew that, didn’t you?

Now imagine the worst morning. You oversleep, stub your toe, and, without a minute to shower, have to rub down your nasty bits with a baby wipe. You’re upset, smelly, puffy, cranky, hungry, limping, riding the metro in silence while wearing yesterday’s pants. And then, someone says you look beautiful.

Are you charmed? Or are you pissed that this stranger has such a blatant disregard for the way you feel about your own body that he or she feels entitled to lie to your face just to prove a point?

I’m not an idiot. I know when I’m beautiful and when I am gross. Trying to tip the scales of my self-image equilibrium is, frankly, insulting. For that reason, I will politely and firmly request that the body positive movement never interact with me again.

Let me be clear: I’m sure the body positive movement is hugely important to a ton of people. And I will own up to the fact that there have been times that the movement has said things that really helped me. All I’m saying is that I find the movement patronizing, and that-in my life at least-it causes a lot more stress than it relieves.

Growing up without any exposure to the body positive movement, I had no choice but to create my own defenses. It was a lot of work learning how to survive in a culture as toxic as the one gay men create. Somehow I figured it out, though, and I’m proud of myself for the work I put in.

So when I’m in the Greyhound station bathroom and there’s a post-it saying "You Are Beautiful" blocking my reflection in the mirror, you can understand why I might find it glib.

I don’t care if I’m beautiful right now! I’m late for my damn bus!

On Thursday, the Australian parliament finally passed marriage equality into law. I, like many other hopefuls, watched the live stream within the House of Representatives for hours. When the moment came, the public gallery erupting into chorus: “I am, you are, we are Australian.”
For the first time in a very long time, I felt pride in my country. In this moment, it could be easy for many to forget the pain that my community was subjected to over the past months. But, now that marriage equality is now a reality, it’s time to begin mending some wounds.

Yesterday’s result follows the non-binding $122 million, voluntary survey that swept across the entire nation, asking every Australian citizen to vote as to whether they thought same-sex couples deserved the some recognition as their straight counterparts.

(Same-sex marriage is a necessary first step in mending the wounds of the past.)

This was obviously problematic from the outset for a number of reasons. The nature of this survey meant that my government was willing to hoist an already-marginalised group into the spotlight and onto a pedestal for the rest of the country to point at and judge. The non-binding nature of survey also meant that, even if a yes vote came through, this still wouldn’t mean that gay marriage would be legal.

LGBTQ Australians subsequently had to deal with a lot of hostility throughout this period-the ‘no’ campaigns in particular was grounded on ignorance and propaganda. Conservative associations such as Marriage Alliance and Coalition for Marriage adopted fear tactics. “Stop the fags” posters began to appear, some rumoured to have spikes attached to the back of them as to harm those trying to tear the posters down. Anti-marriage equality advertisements were given air time; “school told my son he could wear a dress next year if he felt like it,” a mother said in one commercial, accompanied by fearful background music, which, for the record, even if that was true, what an absolutely beautiful school that would be.

Watching this wave of ignorance made me scared, but I wasn’t scared for myself. In all honesty, I found most of this rather humorous. I’m fortunate to be comfortable in myself, to know what’s just and unjust, and to have an incredible support system that lifts me up.

I’m not a club-goer and I prefer to do anything else than go to a noisy bar or gay club where you feel like you have to look or act a certain way. I’ve never felt comfortable or like I could be myself which is why I understand you and thousands of other gay men like us don’t like being in “the scene.”

Having full acceptance that you’re not into the gay scene is a huge step to take and I’m here to tell you, welcome to the real party! In my opinion, it’s sooooo much better here.

Now let me give you some practical advice on where you can meet quality gay guys outside the club.

Most of us resort to dating apps like Grindr, Scruff, OkCupid or Manhunt, all with the hopes of connecting with our community or meeting the love of our life. Just like gay clubs, this is a way to meet other gay men - but it’s not the only way.

These apps typically attract guys just looking to hook up. These apps can be a community in their own nature, but they can leave you feeling rejected and lonely - especially when a hookup or encounter doesn’t turn into a meaningful friendship.

You actually don’t have to make friends in the gay community in order to feel fulfilled and satisfied. You don’t have to go to nightclubs or create a dating profile when you’re feeling lonely, bored or horny. You don’t have to put yourself in environments that make you feel uncomfortable. If you do, then you’re doing yourself a disservice and causing harm toward your mental hygiene which is the way you keep your mind and your emotions clean and spiffy.

Just like we need to stay hygienic with our physical bodies by brushing our teeth, taking showers and exercising, it’s equally as important to place ourselves in healthy environments that support our happiness and social well-being.

In order to make friends outside the gay scene, you gotta answer this one question: “What are your values?”

Do you value health? Do you value education? Do you value giving back to communities through volunteerism or entrepreneurship?

When you identify your values, then you can pick and choose communities that align with your values. There are plenty of activities that align with your values in your new city like hiking, yoga, video game clubs, book clubs, art studios, and seminars at local colleges and universities.

Topher Gen on the importance of making sex education inclusive for everyone – irrespective of sexuality.

‘Who can tell me what these are?’

Our teacher held a box out in front of us, shaking it vigorously.

‘Anyone?’

He left the question open to the class, his words hanging in the air.

We all knew what he was holding; it was a box of condoms, yet we sat anxiously clutching our desks. A minute later a boy yelled, ‘Rubber johnnies!’ and the class lapsed into fits of laughter whilst the teacher marched him out of the room.

Teachers had to be tough or they’d get walked all over – teens pounce on weakness. Asking a 14-year-old to stop chewing gum in class was one thing; asking them if they knew what a condom was quite another.

(Topher Gen says kids deserve better sex education at school )

Ignoring LGBTI sex issues

As our first sex education class went underway I had two thoughts. The first was I’d rather be made to box at gunpoint than sit through this class. The second: why is our teacher not just skimming over the LGBT side of it, but ignoring it all together?

I felt my back stiffen every time the mechanics of sex between a man and women were discussed. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with: just don’t rub it in my face.

But what I was more confused about was why they weren’t covering the guy-on-guy, or girl-on-girl side of it?

Why was everything done by gender? Why was the teacher using such sickening cutesy-poo language? This wasn’t educating me in the slightest.

Fast-forward a decade and LGBTI-inclusive sex and relationship education isn’t yet compulsory in British schools. What’s more, sex education not only excludes LGBTI-youth, but can also promote prejudice against them.

Sex education classes currently leave LGBTI youth vulnerable

High schools can be hostile environments, particularly for LGBTI youth. This hostility can often be amplified by lack of awareness and education on same-sex relationships.

Without properly exposing teens to LGBTI-inclusive sex education classes, we run the risk of spreading ignorance, perpetuating negative stereotypes and leaving LGBTI youth vulnerable.

Right now, puberty is typically addressed in public schools by mundanely separating the genders, telling girls and boys what will happen to their bodies as they begin to grow up. But, what if you aren’t cisgender? What if you don’t identify to the sex you were born?

By excluding vital pieces of information transgender teens won’t properly learn what puberty will look for them and, more importantly, how to handle it.

Body parts do not have genders, so hearing them talked about in a way that associates them with a gender they don’t identify with can not only be upsetting, but can lead to serious health issues – both mental and psychical.

Education on puberty specifically talks about males having a penis and women a vagina. How jarring is that for a trans youth?

If they already feel uncomfortable in their own body, then that kind of language can be extremely detrimental. You don’t have a male arm or a female leg: they’re just body parts.