I can’t believe that Marriage Equality is now a reality across the country. I’m so grateful I’m seeing it happen in my lifetime. I couldn’t stop smiling the morning after the rulings, but then I stopped to think: How many of my friends are going to rush to the courthouses now that they can?

Marriage is still a pretty big deal once you get all the paperwork done and everything. I asked my newlywed friends who I’m ecstatic to call “husband and husband” why they made the leap:

“We love each other and we know we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together,” he said. “But we’ve been together for seven years. We have to protect each other and our future children. Not every couple should rush to get married now that it’s legal everywhere. Marriage is still a big deal and it ought to be taken seriously.”

Gay guys have their own relationship with sex, especially when we’re young and single. Nowadays it’s like online shopping: you swipe, you type, and we’re here – straight from the iPhone to your front door.

People have asked me how gay guys can keep the friendship intact after sleeping with their buddy. I used to think it was a stereotype, but then I thought about my own experiences. I have plenty of close friends where, after reminiscing, all the memories came back: “Oh yeah. We did hookup at that one party a few years ago, didn’t we… ”

I’ve thought long and hard about why gay guys find it easier to remain friends after hooking up, and I’ve come up with ten solid points:

1. There aren’t romantic feelings to begin with.

When you enter with no romantic feelings, you’re probably going to end with the same outcome. Even if there’s a smidgen of a spark beforehand, it’ll most likely blossom into something bigger after hooking up – sex can do that. The friends I’ve hooked up with were mostly spontaneous and oftenfueled by physical attractiveness rather than personal interest.

2. We were already friends before, so we knew each other too well.

It’s the “Oh my gosh, never! He’s like a brother to me” kind of thing. At the time we hooked up, we knew each other pretty well. We might not have been as close as we are now, but we were still friendly and hung out all the time, which means friendliness was already a part of our foundation. After having sex, we went back into habit and acted how we always did because the friendship already existed.

3. I reserved “making love” for someone a little more special.

This is an issue many gay guys have. When you have sex as if you’re in love, you confuse your brain. You unconsciously train yourself to become attached to this person. For your own protection you need to save making love for a man you truly want to be with – not a spontaneous hookup with a friend. When you cross the line, not only will you confuse the friend but you’ll confuse yourself as well.

4. Lust often prohibits emotions from entering.

Men are hunters and we want what we want when we need it. Sometimes the urge to have sex becomes so overwhelming that emotions are the last thing we think about. Add a bit of liquor and laughs to the mix, and who knows what will happen. Lust is powerful because it bends our logic – it makes us do crazy things that might be out of character for us.

The city of Naples is as mysterious as it is exciting and energetic, but you’re unlikely to uncover its secrets on your first trip. If you want to discover some of the more unusual aspects of the city, you can visit places that reveal an obsession with fear and superstition, as well as love and incredible generosity. On your next trip to Naples, check out some of these secrets of the city.

Blood Pact

The patron saint of Naples is San Gennaro, a bishop of Benevento in the Campania region who was beheaded in 305 A.D. City historians claim that some of the blood from his decapitated head was collected and taken to the catacombs of San Gennaro and, some 100 years later, the blood became liquid again. This “miracle” now takes place at the city’s duomo (cathedral) before thousands of devotees who fervently believe that, if the blood does not liquefy, Naples will perish. This ceremony takes place on the first Sunday in May, on the feast day of San Gennaro on September 19 and on December16.

My idea of beauty can be described as vague. I know what the world tells me to believe is beautiful but lately I’ve started to distance myself from the idea altogether. Who is right: them or me?

Gay men see beauty in a different way than women do. Growing up as boys in a male-dominated world makes it easier to judge girls rather than ourselves, that is, until we become a men. Then the focus is on us.

Women are objectified as early as fourteen by males (gay and straight alike). As a child I worried about being tough and dominant, but the girls around me worried about being pretty and valuable—something I never really worried about until I was older.

The second I came out of the closet it was as if I teleported back in time as a fourteen-year-old girl—self-judging, naïve and desperate for value; value found in beauty. I turned objectification towards myself because it’s what I became accustomed to—not just as a gay man, but as a result of my society.

Why has our culture trained each other to objectify? Beauty is one of our biggest currencies and we use to buy and sell each other’s self-worth.

When I first started dating men, I couldn’t help but assume I wasn’t good enough yet. There’s always a “yet,” as if one day we will reach a stopping point to perfection: Here I am, yes, I’m finally perfect! We’re always striving for that moment but it never comes because there’s no such thing asperfection.

No man wants to be reminded that his body isn’t perfect—imperfect according to whom? The world? Gay porn? Movies? Standards expect to be shared, not ignored. It’s a subliminal mindf*ck we pass from person to person until we convince ourselves it’s true.

Why haven’t we seen big men on TV or film represented as an object of desire? If they are it’s usually written, directed and produced by the actor in question; and even then, he has the hottest actress in the world playing his wife (so realistic, right?). The truth of the matter is straight men can easily place themselves on top of the totem pole because no one has the audacity to question it.

As a power bottom, it never ceases to amaze me how many tops fail to please. When you aim to make us happy, we’ll return the favor times a million. Two men trying to please each other equally are in for a whole lot of pleasure and before you know it, the sweat is dripping down our faces and we’re up to round three of an already long night.
You might think you’re awesome at sex, but most of you tops are in desperate need of some tips. Bottoms don’t want to be treated like blow up dolls, at least for the most part. We have bodies too which means we feel pain. 

Just because we like to get penetrated does not mean we want to be turned inside out. But don’t worry. I’m here to let you know what most bottoms fail to tell you because unlike the others, I’ve taken mental notes honey. I ain’t afraid to use them. Here are a few things I’ve picked up. They’re simple, yet make all the difference:

For many gay men, anal sex can be a large root of anxiety. What is a top? What is a bottom? Does it hurt? With little representation in the media and in sex education, many gay men know little about anal sex. This lack of knowledge and the unfortunate societal taboo associated with anal sex can lead to unpleasant experiences that may affect the way you feel about sex forever. However, by knowing more about anal sex, you can make an informed choice about it and reduce the anxiety that comes from a lack of knowledge. It can become an important and enjoyable part of your sex life if you have some background knowledge and are willing to give it a try. This article is designed to give you scientific knowledge as well as practical advice to help you have a pleasurable anal sex experience.

Understand the Basics Anal Anatomy


To have better anal sex, it is important to understand the anatomy of your anus. The anus is the external opening of the rectum, and is controlled by two rings of muscles known as the external and internal sphincters. Control of the external sphincter is generally voluntary while the internal sphincter in involuntary, meaning you are not able to control it. Difficulties can arise if the two sphincters are too tense, which makes it difficult (and sometimes painful) for a penis to enter. After passing through the two sphincters, the penis travels through the anal passage, then into the rectum. Both the anus and rectum have the ability to expand and stretch, and can generally accommodate penises of any size.

The Pleasure of Anal Sex

Like the penis, the anus is full of sensitive nerve endings, which can make anal sexual activity very enjoyable for many men. During anal sex the prostate gland (a walnut-sized gland located between the bladder and the penis) can be stimulated, which many men find extremely pleasurable. The prostate gland is oftentimes referred to as the male G-spot, and is believed to enhance orgasm when stimulated.
Along with the physical stimulation you experience during anal sex, the psychological stimulation can be just as important in order to have a pleasurable experience. Having anal sex with someone you are attracted to can be intimate and romantic, or perhaps hot, heavy, and erotic. Whichever the case, the psychological stimulation during anal sex is an important aspect in the overall sexual experience.

Become Comfortable With Your Anus

To have pleasurable anal sex, it is important for you to first become comfortable with your own anus. The majority of men experiment with the stimulation of their penis from an early age, but that is not often the case with the anus.
Start by lying on your back, on a bed, or even in a warm bath. Once you are comfortable, start by gently massaging the area around your anus, including the perineum. As you become more relaxed, add lubrication to your finger, and gently press against the surface of your anus. Repeat this several times, and increase the pressure slightly each time. When you become comfortable enough to insert your finger into your anus, keep things slow and gentle, taking time to relax your external sphincter. Once inside, you may be able to find your prostate. You will recognize it as a small, walnut-sized bump locates approximately two inches inside your anus.

Once feeling comfortable with the insertion of your finger, you can experiment with different sex toys such as dildos or anal beads. It is important to remember to take your time until you are comfortable and enjoy the sensations you feel. Becoming comfortable with your anus is a personal and ongoing process. Use plenty of lube and take it slow, there is no rush!

Gabbana reveals he has pondered becoming a father and/or adopting a child while Dolce says certain choices other gay men and women have made for themselves are not open to him because of his Catholic beliefs

It’s five months late but Domenico Dolce has finally apologized for negative comments he and partner Stefano Gabbana made about same-sex parents and calling babies conceived via in vitro fertilization and artificial insemination ‘synthetic’.

The Italian designers, who make up luxury fashion brand Dolce & Gabbana, are gay and were once a couple.
Dolce was quoted as saying in a Vogue magazine article published on Friday, ‘I am so sorry. It was not my intention to offend anyone.’

No. 1 San Francisco
The first iconic rainbow flag was raised here in 1978, and the Castro District has remained, for many, the epicenter of American gay culture.

You can learn more about the movement at the GLBT History Museum, or have some history with your happy hourat the Twin Peaks Tavern, the first “out” gay bar. 

Or, just enjoy the fabulous weekly brunch-and-show, “Sunday’s a Drag,” at the Sir Francis Drake Hotel.

No surprise, the city also ranked near the top for its fabulous sense of style.

Oh the hours - the afternoons! The days! The weekends! I have spent looking for and having sex. And oh the incomparable joy it's brought me!
But you're not really that shocked, are you? Of course you're not. After all, gay men have always had a bit of a reputation when it comes to sex. And why not? Unbridled by the restraints of "traditional" relationships and (until very recently) solely straight institutions like marriage and the nuclear family, we've long enjoyed the pursuit of sexual relations whenever, wherever, however and with whomever we could get our sweaty gay mitts on.

Even in the face of AIDS, which has ravaged our community and caused so many gay men - myself included - to tragically equate sex with death, we didn't stop looking for opportunities to get off, we just found ways to do it more safely.

No, pleasure has never been a dirty word for us, though many of our straight counterparts (who are, let's admit, equally interested in the same wondrous carnal arts but, thanks to our society's sturdy puritan mores, remain unable or forbidden to indulge in them or at the very least admit they secretly do indulge in them) may wish it otherwise.

And in some ways, I'm actually fine with that. As much as I want straights to join us in ushering in a brave new age of sexual liberation, I understand that change takes time and that thanks to a whole bunch of heady terms (think: religion, sexism, patriarchy) it's not as easy for them to partake in sex the way that gay men historically have.
But you know what I can't understand, and furthermore, won't stand for? Other gays playing sex police -- and it's starting to happen more and more.

Example A: A New York Times article entitled "Chelsea's Risque Businesses" from earlier this year, which highlights a number of gay parents living in what is perhaps one of the most famously gay neighborhoods in the world and who are now lamenting the fact that their children have to grow up just feet away from sex shops.

Some in the article worry about the storefronts' mannequins with their "bulging crotches," condoms strewn across the neighborhood's sidewalks and the daunting task of having to explain ads for a lubricant called "Boy Butter" to their kids. But here's a radical idea: How about instead of demonizing sex and the people who are looking for it and having it, we demonize our society that labels the sight of a bulging crotch (plastic or otherwise) as indecent and embarrassing and threatening. And, if you'll permit me just one more humble suggestion, how about we tell our kids exactly what Boy Butter is and why it exists and stop acting like it's something to be ashamed of? (I'll save my full rant about sex education for another time.)

Now that we can get married and queer people having children is becoming more and more accepted, it seems we've forgotten that sexual liberation has always been, in my mind at least, a cornerstone of queer liberation. And it seems some queers think we've just been having all of this sex and pushing back against all of these sexual boundaries for all of these years as just another way to pass the time until we could become just like straight people. Like, "Hmm. We can't get married yet. What should we do in the meantime? Needlepoint? Nah. Competitive baking? No. Oh, I've got it! Let's get off!"

For the second year running, we’ve looked at thousands of reservations made via Travel Gay Asia to compile our 2015 ‘Top 100′ most-booked hotels, resorts & guesthouses.

Our ‘Top 100′ include many that are dedicated to serving the gay market.

A Patient's Guide to Degenerative Disc Disease

Introduction
Many of the problems in the spine are caused because of the process of degeneration of the intervertebral disc. Everything you do during the day - once you stand upright - begins to test the spine's ability to support your body weight.
Over time, these repeated daily stresses and minor injuries can add up and begin to affect the discs in your spine. Minor injuries to the disc may occur and not cause pain at the time of the injury.
However, as they add up, the disc eventually begins to suffer from the wear and tear - it begins to degenerate.
The purpose of this information is to help you understand:

• The anatomy of the spine relating to degenerative disc disease
• The causes and symptoms of lumbar degenerative disc disease
• How the condition is diagnosed
• The treatments available for treatment of the condition

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg presided over a renewal of wedding vows by the US ambassador to Vietnam and his husband last weekend. 

Ginsburg was on a trip to Vietnam sponsored by a program of the US State Department and met with Vietnamese Prime Minister Nguyen Tan Dung and Chief Justice of the Supreme People’s Court Truong Hoa Binh, among others. 

“I basically hated myself,” he says, pushing his glasses with his index finger to the top of his nose. “So, for me to write was a way to feel a sense of community with other people and to feel less alone.”

When Ryan O’Connell’s blogs on Thought Catalog first blew up, it was because he obsessed — like a lot of us — about finding a way to live a life that feels good. Sitting on the patio of the Palihouse Hotel in West Hollywood on a recent May afternoon, O’Connell says, the truth is that, at the time he was “miserable” and “full of self-sabotage.”

The Internet gave Ryan an outlet for his anxieties about being 24, being gay, figuring out how to be an adult, and trying to find love while feeling unlovable. As a blogger, he brought massive traffic to Thought Catalog, and developed a cult following online, but seeking validation from strangers was, at some level, driving everything.

1. SAN FRANCISCO

Make a pilgrimage to liberal San Francisco. This gay travel mecca is home to an unprecedented number of gay bars, events, neighborhoods, and hotels. Come enjoy all this hospitable city has to offer!

Where to Stay

The Castro is central to gay life in San Francisco. SoMa (South of Market) is up-and-coming.

But really, the entire city welcomes everyone with open arms.

Things to Do

• Indulge in dim sum—and lots of window shopping—in exotic Chinatown.
• Trek to Coit Tower for glorious vistas.
• Ogle modern art at the SFMOMA. (Crowds are smaller in the morning.)
• Sneak away for an afternoon of wine tasting in nearby Napa Valley.
• Board a ferry for Alcatraz. The immersive audio tour through the intimidating prison is a family favorite.
• Shop Union Square. Every label imaginable has an outpost in this urban center.

No one, except perhaps a proctologist, likes to talk about hemorrhoids. There is also very little information on hemorrhoids in the mainstream press, leading one to believe that it is a rare condition. Yet, hemorrhoids affect a surprisingly large number of people; based on a 1991study on hemorrhoids and other bowel disorders by Sidney Wanderman, M.D. and Betty Rothbart, it's estimated that about 100 million Americans suffer from them.

Many men choose to suffer in silence, undoubtedly due to embarrassment and an unwillingness to seek help. For these affected men, bowel movements and sitting on hard surfaces, among other things, are rendered dreadfully painful experiences.
But rest assured, there is something you can do to prevent and cure hemorrhoids.

If you feel very attracted to members of the same sex, or both sexes, but need to feel like you have accepted it within yourself, here is a guide to help you.
You have found out your sexual orientation, and you are perfectly normal. Accepting who you are - and being proud of who you are - is the next step on the road to coming out of the closet, and eventually to having a successful gay or lesbian relationship.

Some people have difficulty in accepting their sexual orientation, either because of personal or societal discomfort or pressure.
Most people in the LGBT+ community know from experience that accepting your sexuality will lead to your becoming a happier, more open person.

In this guide, the term gay has been used to include all forms of homosexuality and bisexuality, whether that be people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual or pansexual, or others included in the LGBT+ Queer Community.


A. Method 1 of 3: Finding Yourself

1. Know if you are gay. 

Sometimes people question their sexuality. There are many degrees of sexual and gender orientation and identity, and if you find you don't fit easily into one category, don't pick one! Don't allow yourself to be labeled until, or unless, you are ready and willing to be.

If you feel that you don't fit, or you can't understand why you aren't like other people in your life because you are different, remember that you are you, and not anyone else; and that being yourself and accepting yourself for the person that you are is something to be immensely proud of.

2. Remember that you didn't choose to be attracted to members of the same sex. 

Attempts to change your orientation are usually painful and pointless in the end. When talking with heterosexual friends or family members, it's sometimes tough to help them understand this, because they have no frame of reference for your experience. Try to encourage others to see your sexual orientation in the same way as they see your eye colour - it is something you were born with and did not choose. It is something that is simply a part of your being, and not something you can change. Or want to or should!

There isn't any need to change yourself -- being gay is just another way of simply existing, and there is nothing wrong with it at all. Neither is there anything wrong with you for being gay.
Some people in the world believe that sexual orientation is a choice. If you feel that you indeed made a choice, you should feel comfortable with that choice. Everyone has their own battles and choices to make, and the norms of societies may not necessarily be normal for you.

By Donalevan Maines

“Just another op’nin’ of another show,” from Cole Porter’s classic Kiss Me, Kate, probably doesn’t begin to describe Alex Stutler’s joy over stepping onstage this month at the brand-spankin’ new Queensbury Theatre (formerly Country Playhouse) to play the title role in “the impossible dream” musical, Man of La Mancha.

The production itself has been a long time coming: most recently, its opening was delayed a week from July 24, which is the day Stutler married his longtime partner, John Aaron Villarreal. “Lord, what were we thinking?” says the blushing groom about planning a wedding on the same day as his Man of La Mancha opening.

Although science insists that crying is natural, culture still sends messages that strong men don’t cry.
Many parents raise their sons to cry privately, if at all. It is ingrained in many men that masculine identity means holding back the tears except during times of extreme grief. Although women have also accepted this view, more women are voicing their belief that men and boys should be encouraged to express sensitive emotions.
One thing seems certain, though: History and biology side with tears.

Tears of Champions

Until recently, many cultures believed that tears were a sign of manliness. World history and literature are filled with male leaders who cried publicly. Tears meant that a man lived by a code of values and cared enough to show emotion when things went wrong. Medieval warriors and Japanese samurai cried during times of epic tragedy. In Western culture, a man’s capacity to cry indicated his honesty and integrity. Abraham Lincoln used strategic tears during his speeches, and modern presidents have followed suit. Despite all this, until recently, men shedding tears have been viewed as less than masculine.

After decades of berating men for their tears, culture seems to be returning to the idea that crying is a male strength. A recent Penn State study found that participants considered a man’s tears to be a sign of honesty while a woman’s tears showed emotional weakness. In both sexes, a delicate misting of the eye was more acceptable than crying.

What You Need to Know to Plan Your Gay Getaway

Planning a trip can be a daunting task, but for a gay traveler, it can be even more difficult. There are limited resources for the LGBT community, so Travel Channel has put together a quick list of gay travel guides, websites and other resources to help you plan your next gay vacation.

Gay and Lesbian Travel Guides

When planning a trip, some travelers enjoy the flexibility of having a travel guide on-hand to highlight important travel tips and must-see sights. Damron and Spartacus travel guides are our picks for top gay travel resources; both are chock-full of gay-owned or gay-friendly destinations, accommodations, restaurants, bars and more.

With the legalization of same-sex marriage in the United States, a new crop of honeymooners has entered the market. The travel industry has positioned itself to capitalize, having recently launched several targeted marketing campaigns featuring gay couples, including Hotwire’s “Lucky Me” commercial, Airbnb’s #HostWithPride film, and Marriottt’s Love Travels campaign.
But with gay marriage fully legal in just 20 countries – and homosexuality illegal in 75 — gay newlyweds face extra hurdles in deciding where to celebrate their nuptials. Many feel compelled to research discrimination laws before making overseas travel plans. In fact, four out of 10 U.S. LGBT travelers said local discriminatory laws and homophobic sentiments affect where they decide to fly “to a great extent,” according to a survey by LGBT marketing group Out Now. As one lesbian couple expressed in Airbnb’s #HostWithPride film, “For our honeymoon, I don’t want to be attacked. We want to be able to express our love, and be able to be affectionate, and feel comfortable and safe.”

The Times is looking back on key legal decisions leading up to the Supreme Court decision on Obergefell v. Hodges on June 26, 2015.

 Mildred and Richard Loving in 1967 after the Supreme Court struck down the Virginia law that prohibited interracial marriage. Credit United Press International

1. Invaginated. 

That’s the technical term doctors use to describe your penis being turned inside-out . . . er, outside-in. And yes, it could happen to you.

Also known as “trapped penis,” invagination is usually the result of some kind of forceful impact on your rod. Basically, your penis is smashed straight back into your body with so much force that it becomes “trapped” in the fatty, subcutaneous tissue located between your pelvis and pecker, explains Hsin-Kai Wang, M.D., of Taipei Veterans General Hospital in Taiwan.

According to photos from Dr. Wang’s recent case study of a motorcycle accident victim, this condition resembles an empty sheath of skin not unlike the end of an elephant’s trunk. (A friendly warning: DO NOT Google “invaginated penis.”)

The good news is that this sort of accident is very uncommon, Wang says. Also, it’s largely reversible through “manual extraction” and surgery. “There was no direct injury to the penis during the incident,” Dr. Wang said of his very lucky report subject. This guy was able to have sex and urinate normally after his penis was “extracted”—which is a lot more than we can say for most of the unfortunate SOBs on this list.

Here are nine more member-related maladies that will give you nightmares forever.

(If you're more concerned with your own member, check out Is My Penis Normal?)

2. Saxophone Penis

The result of a blocked lymph node or a bacterial infection related to chlamydia, this rare condition leaves the penis swollen and twisted, according to a case study from India. Also known as “ram’s horn” penis, drugs can help with the swelling and twisting, and normal urination is achievable—if you turn sideways. But sex may be impossible, the authors say. 

3. Crossed Wires

Shoddy bowel surgery or prostate cancer treatment can, in very rare cases, lead to a “fistula”—a tissue tear that connects your urinary canal to your rectum. Telltale signs of this condition are urine dripping from your butt and, yes, feces making its way into your pee channel and bladder. It’s fully reversible, but the recovery is long and difficult, according to materials published by the urology department at the University of Utah.

4. Something Fishy

If the piranhas, caimans, and stingrays aren’t enough to keep you from taking a dip in the Amazon River, maybe this’ll do the trick: The candiru, or “toothpick fish,” has been known to dart into the penis openings of swimming men. Confusing your urethra for a fish’s breathing gill, this freshwater catfish—once inserted—opens a network of umbrella-like spines, allowing it to feast on your blood. Extraction is as painful as you’d imagine.

In March 1997, my dad had a small stroke. Unlike most men, he went to a doctor to discuss his symptoms—weakness on his right side, a problem with balance, blurred vision. Two years later, he was gone, a victim of a fall down a flight of stairs at our home.

He was only 59, a little more than a decade beyond where I am right now. When I reach that age, my daughters will be in their mid-twenties, when life is just opening up for them. And I guarantee you, I plan to be there for them, even if all they want from me is a loan to tide them over until payday.

In fact, there’s a lot I still want to experience in life. Often, my personal to-do list is shunted to #3 on the priority list, behind family and work obligations.
But I promise you, I intend to get to the stuff I want to do, which is one of the reasons I wrote The Better Man Project. It’s all about motivation and strategy that will engage guys—like me, like you, maybe like your dad—in the DIY projects that will improve their lives right now. It’ll help us all tackle problems like too much weight and too few workouts, plus a healthy dose of relationship rehab to keep love ones close, and bed sheets smokin’.

Of course, none of that will happen for me if, like my dad, I check out early. Perhaps you worry about the same? Let’s face it: A lot of men die young. In fact, guys between the ages of 20 and 40 are twice as likely to die as women. One big reason: We ignore our symptoms, even dizzy spells or chest pains, without scheduling the potentially life-saving session with a white coat.

For the many gay dads who began their journeys into parenthood “the old-fashioned way,” the road to acceptance - by their exes, their children, even themselves - can be bumpy. On the 26th anniversary of National Coming Out Day we bring you three fathers whose stories reinforce the idea that while neither breakups nor parenting are easy, few things worth doing are.
Learning to let the phone ring on Sunday nights was something of a watershed moment for Mark, who at the time was navigating the tempest-tossed waters of a contentious divorce.

“We had irreconcilable differences,” says Mark Sprout, now 50, reflecting on a union 23 years in the rearview, though there wasn’t a single incident that set it off.

In hindsight, the IT professional - with a burgeoning career in life coaching - reckons the reason they couldn’t get along was rooted in the fact that he is gay. “Maybe deep inside of me I knew,” he says, “and that’s why we were in marriage counseling every year, always arguing.”

Mark notes that throughout his life, there were signs. He misread them.

“I got married because I was supposed to,” he says. “That’s just what we did.”
What they also did was have four children. At the time of the split, they were little: 5, 4, 3 and 6 months. Mark began to explore gay life relatively quickly thereafter, but it was a couple of years before his ex-wife, who by then had remarried, found out.

“I was experiencing my first long-term relationship,” he explains. After visiting for the weekend, the kids went home and told mom he and his friend had been lying on the floor together, watching TV.

She called and asked him point blank, “Are you gay?” He said yes.

Problems ensued. His children’s mother, who had become a practicing Mormon when she remarried, began to tell them that being gay was wrong.

At that point, Mark notes, the natural counselor inside him took over. “I had to develop a lot of patience, knowing the kids would come through it as long as I was consistent and loving.”