Although science insists that crying is natural, culture still sends messages that strong men don’t cry.
Many parents raise their sons to cry privately, if at all. It is ingrained in many men that masculine identity means holding back the tears except during times of extreme grief. Although women have also accepted this view, more women are voicing their belief that men and boys should be encouraged to express sensitive emotions.
One thing seems certain, though: History and biology side with tears.

Tears of Champions

Until recently, many cultures believed that tears were a sign of manliness. World history and literature are filled with male leaders who cried publicly. Tears meant that a man lived by a code of values and cared enough to show emotion when things went wrong. Medieval warriors and Japanese samurai cried during times of epic tragedy. In Western culture, a man’s capacity to cry indicated his honesty and integrity. Abraham Lincoln used strategic tears during his speeches, and modern presidents have followed suit. Despite all this, until recently, men shedding tears have been viewed as less than masculine.

After decades of berating men for their tears, culture seems to be returning to the idea that crying is a male strength. A recent Penn State study found that participants considered a man’s tears to be a sign of honesty while a woman’s tears showed emotional weakness. In both sexes, a delicate misting of the eye was more acceptable than crying.

What You Need to Know to Plan Your Gay Getaway

Planning a trip can be a daunting task, but for a gay traveler, it can be even more difficult. There are limited resources for the LGBT community, so Travel Channel has put together a quick list of gay travel guides, websites and other resources to help you plan your next gay vacation.

Gay and Lesbian Travel Guides

When planning a trip, some travelers enjoy the flexibility of having a travel guide on-hand to highlight important travel tips and must-see sights. Damron and Spartacus travel guides are our picks for top gay travel resources; both are chock-full of gay-owned or gay-friendly destinations, accommodations, restaurants, bars and more.

With the legalization of same-sex marriage in the United States, a new crop of honeymooners has entered the market. The travel industry has positioned itself to capitalize, having recently launched several targeted marketing campaigns featuring gay couples, including Hotwire’s “Lucky Me” commercial, Airbnb’s #HostWithPride film, and Marriottt’s Love Travels campaign.
But with gay marriage fully legal in just 20 countries – and homosexuality illegal in 75 — gay newlyweds face extra hurdles in deciding where to celebrate their nuptials. Many feel compelled to research discrimination laws before making overseas travel plans. In fact, four out of 10 U.S. LGBT travelers said local discriminatory laws and homophobic sentiments affect where they decide to fly “to a great extent,” according to a survey by LGBT marketing group Out Now. As one lesbian couple expressed in Airbnb’s #HostWithPride film, “For our honeymoon, I don’t want to be attacked. We want to be able to express our love, and be able to be affectionate, and feel comfortable and safe.”

The Times is looking back on key legal decisions leading up to the Supreme Court decision on Obergefell v. Hodges on June 26, 2015.

 Mildred and Richard Loving in 1967 after the Supreme Court struck down the Virginia law that prohibited interracial marriage. Credit United Press International

1. Invaginated. 

That’s the technical term doctors use to describe your penis being turned inside-out . . . er, outside-in. And yes, it could happen to you.

Also known as “trapped penis,” invagination is usually the result of some kind of forceful impact on your rod. Basically, your penis is smashed straight back into your body with so much force that it becomes “trapped” in the fatty, subcutaneous tissue located between your pelvis and pecker, explains Hsin-Kai Wang, M.D., of Taipei Veterans General Hospital in Taiwan.

According to photos from Dr. Wang’s recent case study of a motorcycle accident victim, this condition resembles an empty sheath of skin not unlike the end of an elephant’s trunk. (A friendly warning: DO NOT Google “invaginated penis.”)

The good news is that this sort of accident is very uncommon, Wang says. Also, it’s largely reversible through “manual extraction” and surgery. “There was no direct injury to the penis during the incident,” Dr. Wang said of his very lucky report subject. This guy was able to have sex and urinate normally after his penis was “extracted”—which is a lot more than we can say for most of the unfortunate SOBs on this list.

Here are nine more member-related maladies that will give you nightmares forever.

(If you're more concerned with your own member, check out Is My Penis Normal?)

2. Saxophone Penis

The result of a blocked lymph node or a bacterial infection related to chlamydia, this rare condition leaves the penis swollen and twisted, according to a case study from India. Also known as “ram’s horn” penis, drugs can help with the swelling and twisting, and normal urination is achievable—if you turn sideways. But sex may be impossible, the authors say. 

3. Crossed Wires

Shoddy bowel surgery or prostate cancer treatment can, in very rare cases, lead to a “fistula”—a tissue tear that connects your urinary canal to your rectum. Telltale signs of this condition are urine dripping from your butt and, yes, feces making its way into your pee channel and bladder. It’s fully reversible, but the recovery is long and difficult, according to materials published by the urology department at the University of Utah.

4. Something Fishy

If the piranhas, caimans, and stingrays aren’t enough to keep you from taking a dip in the Amazon River, maybe this’ll do the trick: The candiru, or “toothpick fish,” has been known to dart into the penis openings of swimming men. Confusing your urethra for a fish’s breathing gill, this freshwater catfish—once inserted—opens a network of umbrella-like spines, allowing it to feast on your blood. Extraction is as painful as you’d imagine.

In March 1997, my dad had a small stroke. Unlike most men, he went to a doctor to discuss his symptoms—weakness on his right side, a problem with balance, blurred vision. Two years later, he was gone, a victim of a fall down a flight of stairs at our home.

He was only 59, a little more than a decade beyond where I am right now. When I reach that age, my daughters will be in their mid-twenties, when life is just opening up for them. And I guarantee you, I plan to be there for them, even if all they want from me is a loan to tide them over until payday.

In fact, there’s a lot I still want to experience in life. Often, my personal to-do list is shunted to #3 on the priority list, behind family and work obligations.
But I promise you, I intend to get to the stuff I want to do, which is one of the reasons I wrote The Better Man Project. It’s all about motivation and strategy that will engage guys—like me, like you, maybe like your dad—in the DIY projects that will improve their lives right now. It’ll help us all tackle problems like too much weight and too few workouts, plus a healthy dose of relationship rehab to keep love ones close, and bed sheets smokin’.

Of course, none of that will happen for me if, like my dad, I check out early. Perhaps you worry about the same? Let’s face it: A lot of men die young. In fact, guys between the ages of 20 and 40 are twice as likely to die as women. One big reason: We ignore our symptoms, even dizzy spells or chest pains, without scheduling the potentially life-saving session with a white coat.

For the many gay dads who began their journeys into parenthood “the old-fashioned way,” the road to acceptance - by their exes, their children, even themselves - can be bumpy. On the 26th anniversary of National Coming Out Day we bring you three fathers whose stories reinforce the idea that while neither breakups nor parenting are easy, few things worth doing are.
Learning to let the phone ring on Sunday nights was something of a watershed moment for Mark, who at the time was navigating the tempest-tossed waters of a contentious divorce.

“We had irreconcilable differences,” says Mark Sprout, now 50, reflecting on a union 23 years in the rearview, though there wasn’t a single incident that set it off.

In hindsight, the IT professional - with a burgeoning career in life coaching - reckons the reason they couldn’t get along was rooted in the fact that he is gay. “Maybe deep inside of me I knew,” he says, “and that’s why we were in marriage counseling every year, always arguing.”

Mark notes that throughout his life, there were signs. He misread them.

“I got married because I was supposed to,” he says. “That’s just what we did.”
What they also did was have four children. At the time of the split, they were little: 5, 4, 3 and 6 months. Mark began to explore gay life relatively quickly thereafter, but it was a couple of years before his ex-wife, who by then had remarried, found out.

“I was experiencing my first long-term relationship,” he explains. After visiting for the weekend, the kids went home and told mom he and his friend had been lying on the floor together, watching TV.

She called and asked him point blank, “Are you gay?” He said yes.

Problems ensued. His children’s mother, who had become a practicing Mormon when she remarried, began to tell them that being gay was wrong.

At that point, Mark notes, the natural counselor inside him took over. “I had to develop a lot of patience, knowing the kids would come through it as long as I was consistent and loving.”

Men have shorter life expectancies than women. While we will all die eventually, there are things we can do to live longer and healthier lives, which improves the overall quality of our lives and our families lives.

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), in 2003 just over one million American men died of heart disease or one of the nine other leading causes of death. That represents 80 percent of all deaths by men that year. Men are more likely than women to die from most of these causes. Luckily, because many of these causes can be prevented, men can take steps to avoid them by knowing the symptoms, by having regular checkups by a doctor or health care provider and by taking steps to live a healthier life.

Jim Obergefell and John Arthur had a love that changed America’s same-sex marriage laws forever

THIS is the story of love that changed America forever.

Jim Obergefell was a plaintiff in the US Supreme Court case that saw same-sex marriage recognised in all 50 states.
The change means same-sex marriage will be a right guaranteed by the American Constitution.
Jim and his partner John Arthur had a deep commitment and love for each other that lasted several decades.
But it was the impending loss of that love and facing the fear of death that led them on the most passionate journey a couple could ever make to be recognised under law.
As the world celebrated the historical law change, Jim expressed his joy and grief on the personal journey the couple took, in an open letter to the White House.

“My husband John died 20 months ago, so we’re unable to celebrate together the Supreme Court’s decision on the case that bears my name, Obergefell v Hodges,” he said.

By Thomas C. Weiss
Brief Synopsis: Significant associations exist between sexual orientation and covariates of disability.
"The odds of gay and bisexual men experiencing a form of disability are notably higher than for heterosexual men when sociodemographic characteristics are considered."
While America celebrates the national granting of the right to marry to members of the LGBT community, one of the issues that appears to be ignored is the fact that many people who are gay also experience forms of disabilities. The old perspective of failing to include People with Disabilities remains pervasive. When a population such as the LGBT community is fighting for its rights, it is easy to forget that we, as People with Disabilities, are very much a part of the discussion.

Great silences exist surrounding disability, to include within LGBT communities. Similarly, non-heterosexual sexualities are many times left out of the discussion entirely within disability rights organizations and elsewhere in the disabled community. 'Disability,' is a term that encompasses a wide range of sensory, physical, cognitive and psychological abilities and affects many people, both visibly and invisibly.

Gay marriage, and especially gay parenting, has been in the cross hairs in recent days.
On Jan. 6, Republican presidential hopeful Rick Santorum told a New Hampshire audience that children are better off with a father in prison than being raised in a home with lesbian parents and no father at all. And last Monday (Jan. 9), Pope Benedict called gay marriage a threat "to the future of humanity itself," citing the need for children to have heterosexual homes.
But research on families headed by gays and lesbians doesn't back up these dire assertions. In fact, in some ways, gay parents may bring talents to the table that straight parents don't.

Children raised by same-sex couples are healthier and happier than those raised by opposite-sex pairs, says a new study out of Australia, adding to the growing body of research indicating positive outcomes for these children.

Researchers at the University of Melbourne, led by Simon Crouch, surveyed 315 gay parents with a total of 500 children, up to age 17. Kids from gay-headed families scored 6 percent better, on average, than the general population on measures of general health and family cohesion, Crouch and his team reported in the journal BMC Public Health.
On other health measures, there was no difference between children of gay and straight parents.

The higher scores are likely due to lack of rigid gender roles in households led by same-sex couples, Crouch said.
“Previous research has suggested that parenting roles and work roles, and home roles within same-sex parenting families are more equitably distributed when compared to heterosexual families,” he told the Australian Broadcasting Corp.

“The traditional nurturing role is shared, it’s not one parent over another, the traditional breadwinning role is shared,” he continued. “So what this means is that people take on roles that are suited to their skill sets rather than falling into those gender stereotypes, which is mum staying home and looking after the kids and dad going out to earn money. What this leads to is a more harmonious family unit and therefore feeding on to better health and well-being.”

During a late-night monologue, the talk show host David Letterman once asked a series of questions about gay marriage.

“Who gets the bachelor party?” the comedian wondered. “Who goes downstairs in the middle of the night to check on the noise? Who forgets the anniversary? Who refuses to stop and ask for directions? And which one of you will take forever to get ready?”

The joke generated the expected laughs from the audience, but it was also a telling example of the effort to define same-sex marriage by comparing it with heterosexual marriage. While there are many similarities between gay and straight marriages, a decade of social science research shows that same-sex couples have also adapted the institution in various ways.

Gay relationships tend to be more egalitarian, in part because same-sex couples don’t divide work along traditional gender lines. Gay couples also report less conflict and more happiness in their relationships. And because gay couples often lack the support of family members, they tend to receive social support from an extended network of friends.

Now that two Supreme Court rulings have paved the way for more same-sex couples in the United States to marry, relationship researchers say there are important lessons to be learned by continuing to study both successful and unsuccessful gay marriages.

Recently, the National Institutes of Health approved a $1 million study of gay and straight couples who have been tracked for 10 years by researchers at San Diego State University. One of the largest studies of its kind, the research began after Vermont legalized same-sex civil unions in 2000. The original study focused on nearly 1,000 couples, including same-sex couples and their heterosexual married siblings. The inclusion of siblings allowed researchers to compare similarities and differences between gay couples and heterosexual couples of similar ages, family and religious backgrounds.

Today, about 750 couples remain in the cohort, and the new N.I.H. study will be a 10-year follow-up to determine how the couples have fared.

“The same-sex couples who got civil unions in Vermont in 2000 will always be the longest legal gay couples in North America,” said Esther Rothblum, a professor of women’s studies at San Diego State University and an author of the research. “There is so much to learn by following them, but we really know very little. Most of the questions people ask me about same sex marriage, my answer is, ‘We don’t know yet.’ ”

A study of modern-day love has revealed that, generally, homosexual couples are more content than heterosexual ones – and that actions really do speak louder than words

Gay couples are likely to be happier and more positive about their relationships than heterosexuals, according to a major study by the Open University published today.
However, they are less likely to be openly affectionate towards each other – holding hands in public, for instance – because they still fear attracting disapproval.

The study of 5,000 people – 50 of whom were later followed up with in-depth interviews – aimed at finding out how modern couples keep their relationships on track through life’s difficulties.
It found that simple things – like making a cup of tea in the morning and taking it up to them in bed – were the most treasured by couples as examples of intimacy rather than more dramatic gestures such as declaring “I love you”.


It was on the relative happiness of people within different types of relationships that the survey threw up the most interesting insights into modern day life, however.
“LGBQ participants (lesbian, gay, bisexual and queer) are more generally positive about and happier with the quality of their relationship and the relationship which they have with their partner” the research concludes.

“Heterosexual parents are the group least likely to be there for each other, to make ‘couple time’, to pursue shared interests, to say ‘I love you’ and to talk openly to one another.”

But it added: “Public/private boundaries of ‘couple display’ remain fraught. Many LGBQ couples, especially the younger ones, say they would not hold hands in public for fear of reprisal.”

The study, funded by the Economic and Science Research Council, found that couples without children were generally likely to be happier than parents.

In addition, mothers were the least likely group to be satisfied with their partners.
Asked who is the most important person in their life, fathers were far more likely to select their partner than their children. In comparison, 74.8 per cent of mothers with children under five selected a child as their most important person – increasing to 78 per cent for the mothers of five-to nine-year-olds.

If you are in a relationship you must know that you cannot settle for a monotonous life. Your partner is not only your best friend but also the person who is sharing a life with you. That takes honesty and in some cases more effort than others.

That means improving your sex life as well. After five years in a relationship, for example, sex is something that constantly needs fresh ideas. Your partner may seem totally committed to you in every other way besides sex.

How can you improve your sex life then?

A little spark in your love life is the answer. But of course your partner's a man and doesn't know how to communicate that. Don't blame him, blame the human genome.

These easy steps can help you reclaim your sex drive:

1. Most important: don’t panic! 5 gay years equals about 25 and you can both go through a mid-relationship crisis. Although you realise that your perfect for each other, the crises may tend to reflect on your sex life. No worries though, this is an easy fix.

2. It's time for action! Go to your local sex shop (if there isn't one close by, search for one on the net). Time for some raunchy role-play. Buy a few extremely freaky items from the kinky store. Think outside of your comfort level (i.e. swings, penis rings, flavored lubricants, maybe even chaps).

Most people who realized that their sexuality was gay or LGBT+ in their teenage years have had to experience negativity from an early age: hiding a secret from everyone, being worried about being bullied, and holding themselves back from their secret.
Yes, growing up as gay, or LGBT+ in school is very difficult. Most people reading this would also agree that it is not easy, nor a pleasant experience, but it is something that should be brought to the attention of teachers, professors, and principals alike. In a world where “the norm” is a desired status, being different can be an unnerving experience, especially for teens and pre-teens in an environment where kids can be particularly singled out and picked on for being different.

Bullying of LGBT+ children in schools

Bullying. A word that triggers strong emotions and reactions from a large group of people, and a major problem in schools.

Bullying is an experience all of its own; it can degrade even the strongest-willed, self-confident individuals down to nothing. Studies have shown that LGBT children who are bullied are twice as likely to attempt suicide. 

This is a major concern. Not only are these children being exposed to mental and physical violence, but due to this exposure, their grades and self-esteem drop significantly. 

This affects the well-being of these children not only in the short-term, but also the long-term. Harassment by individuals can lead the target to believe that school is an unsafe place to be, and in the mind of the target, it is. 

This often leads to the bullied child skipping class, and in some cases, dropping out, inevitably leading to stress down the road for the victim. Some schools offer support through guidance systems and LGBT+ groups, but that is often not enough. Schools must crack down on this unacceptable treatment of kids, through disciplinary measures to those who bully.

Understand important health issues for gay men and men who have sex with men - from sexually transmitted infections to depression - and get tips for taking charge of your health.

All men face certain health risks. However, gay men and men who have sex with men have some specific health concerns.

Although your individual risks are shaped by many factors beyond your sexual orientation and practices - including family history and age - it's important to understand common health issues for gay men and steps you can take to stay healthy.

Protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections

Men who have sex with men are at increased risk of contracting HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, as well as other sexually transmitted infections, including hepatitis, human papillomavirus (HPV), herpes simplex, gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis.

To protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections:

• Use a condom or other protection. Use a new latex or polyurethane condom every time you have sex, especially during anal sex but ideally during oral sex as well.
  Use only water-based lubricants, not petroleum jelly, hand lotion, cold cream or oils. Oil-based lubricants can weaken latex condoms and cause them to break. Don't share sex toys, and keep them safe by protecting them with a condom and cleaning them before and after every use.
• Be monogamous. Another reliable way to avoid sexually transmitted infections is to stay in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who isn't infected.
• Limit the amount of alcohol you drink, and don't use drugs. If you're under the influence, you're more likely to take sexual risks. If you choose to use injectable drugs, don't share needles.
• Know the risks associated with sexual venues. Sexual venues such as bathhouses, sex parties and the Internet can facilitate multiple sexual partnerships and anonymous sexual encounters, as well as higher risk sexual behaviors.
• Get vaccinated. Vaccinations can protect you from hepatitis A and hepatitis B, serious liver infections that can spread through sexual contact.
  Not all sexually transmitted infections are prevented by vaccines, however. Hepatitis C is not covered by any vaccine and can lead to liver failure, liver cancer and death. The HPV vaccine is available to men up to age 26. HPV is associated with anal cancer in men who have sex with men.
• Get tested and have your partner tested. Don't have unprotected sex unless you're certain you and your partner aren't infected with HIV or other sexually transmitted infections.
  Testing is important because many people don't know they're infected, and others might not be honest about their health.
  Different types of tests have a different "window period," the period of time between HIV infection and when signs of the infection show up on a test. Being tested during this time might result in a false negative. It is possible to transmit the HIV infection to someone during this period.

• Consider the drug Truvada. In July 2012, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved the use of the drug emtricitabine-tenofovir (Truvada) to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted HIV infection in those who are at high risk. Truvada is also used as an HIV treatment along with other medications.
  When used to help prevent HIV infection, Truvada is only appropriate if your doctor is certain you don't already have an HIV or hepatitis B infection. The drug must also be taken daily exactly as prescribed. And it should only be used along with other prevention strategies such as condom use every time you have sex.

A growing number of governments around the world are considering whether to grant legal recognition to same-sex marriages.
Nearly two dozen countries currently have national laws allowing gays and lesbians to marry, mostly in Europe and the Americas.
In Mexico, some jurisdictions allow same-sex couples to wed, while others do not.

The United States is sinking into the moral decay of tribal warfare. No longer can Christians state their case without a torrent of hatred coming from both atheists and those in the gay rights cabal. Any opinion that does not toe the progressive line will not be tolerated. This comes from the party of tolerance. Your identity, your lifestyle, even you very dignity will be trashed if you do not comply.

This way of thinking will soon be a coercive force in every citizens life. Much of it starts with those who speak out from within the gay community, or those who have been raised inside the gay community and have felt its corrosive way of thinking first hand.

The guarantees of equal protection rights for gays have had an impact not only on those forcing others to think the way they do, but also on some of the children in such a marriage.

By Matt Slick

It is not true that homosexual behavior harms no one. The homosexual lifestyle is highly promiscuous and brimming with disease although pro-homosexuals will try to separate the behavior from related illnesses in their attempt to demonstrate that homosexual behavior doesn't harm anyone. But the evidence doesn't support that notion.

• Homosexuals more likely to suffer from depression: "A new study in the United Kingdom has revealed that homosexuals are about 50% more likely to suffer from depression and engage in substance abuse than the rest of the population, reports Health24.com . . . the risk of suicide jumped over 200% if an individual had engaged in a homosexual lifestyle . . . the lifespan of a homosexual is on average 24 years shorter than that of a heterosexual . . . While the Health 24 article suggested that homosexuals may be pushed to substance abuse and suicide because of anti-homosexual cultural and family pressures, empirical tests have shown that there is no difference in homosexual health risk depending on the level of tolerance in a particular environment. Homosexuals in the United States and Denmark - the latter of which is acknowledged to be highly tolerant of homosexuality - both die on average in their early 50's, or in their 40's if AIDS is the cause of death. The average age for all residents in either country ranges from the mid-to-upper-70s."(onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=255614)

A deep look at the fringe movement that just lost its only shred of scientific support.

By Gabriel Arana

Early in my freshman year of high school, I came home to find my mom sitting on her bed, crying. She had snooped through my e-mail and discovered a message in which I confessed to having a crush on a male classmate.

“Are you gay?” she asked. I blurted out that I was.
“I knew it, ever since you were a little boy.”

Her resignation didn’t last long. My mom is a problem solver, and the next day she handed me a stack of papers she had printed out from the Internet about reorientation, or “ex-gay,” therapy. I threw them away. I said I didn’t see how talking about myself in a therapist’s office was going to make me stop liking guys. My mother responded by asking whether I wanted a family, then posed a hypothetical: “If there were a pill you could take that would make you straight, would you take it?”

A kind woman, who would never intentionally offend another person, writes: “I love gay people, I just cannot support their gay lifestyle.”

A pastor stands at the pulpit, holding an electric cord as a prop, and warns the congregation, “Don’t mess with God’s original design. Gay sex is not natural, the parts don’t fit.”

A man thinks he needs to “protect” his family from his Christian gay brother. He tells to his brother, “Homosexuality is a perversion, and until you change, I cannot allow you in my home with my children.”

Parents send their lesbian daughter to a program they heard about at church. The visiting speaker says he is no longer gay. The newly-encouraged parents plea-fully say, “We want what is best for our daughter and we know she can change her preferences.”

About their fellow Americans, some may say: “I don’t mind gay people having civil unions. I just do not want to redefine marriage. Marriage is not a civil right, and they want special rights.” 

Thinking they are pleasing and even defending God, moderate Christians assert: “I might be fine with gay people getting together, but it’s God and the Bible that are clearly against homosexuality. We love gay people and need to tell them the truth.”

I would have made every one of these statements a decade ago.

For the most part, people that make these comments believe themselves to be considerate and sincere, and would not intentionally participate in “hate talk”. Yet, each comments is unkind, flawed, ill-informed, or ignorant.

Well-meaning, reasonable people repeat phrases like these again and again not understanding the offense and discrimination their words support and encourage. Many of the statements are rooted in ignorance or based on gay stereotypes. As an advocate for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community, in particular the Christian LGBT community, these may be some productive insights for those who no longer desire to participate in the unjust treatment of LGBT people.

The “gay lifestyle”

When communicating, it would be a major improvement to not use the term “the gay lifestyle.” What is a “gay lifestyle”? The manner in which LGBT people live their lives is as varied as the manner in which heterosexual people live theirs.

The gay and transgender people I know have “lives”, not “lifestyles”. If you feel compelled to condemn the way others express their sexuality, it might be more honest to stop using silly clichés. What many people really want to say is “I don’t like the concept and thinking about same-sex sex.” Simple, then don’t participate in it. And, if it bothers you to simply think about people having same-sex sex, easy, don’t think about it.

My “heterosexual lifestyle” is not the same as other heterosexual women. I have a life, not a lifestyle, and I conduct my own according to my faith, values and ethics. Likewise, it is also true with gay and transgender people. Grouping about 5% of the population together under one “lifestyle” umbrella is foolish.

Just as it wouldn’t be appropriate to reduce me to a sex act, the same also true for my gay and trans friends. We are each humans with beautiful diversity, that includes the way we express ourselves sexually, romantically, and emotionally.

Day 1:

Coach Brad is a magnificent, roaring Clydesdale of a man, standing 6-and-a-half feet tall, with blond hair, a golden complexion, and deep-set blue eyes. He speaks in a core-shaking baritone. His head looks like it ought to be atop a pedestal in the antiquities wing of the Met, where it could be quietly admired. His facial features are so architectural that I scribble in my notebook, “Looks part Klingon.” Then Coach Brad slaps his hands together and booms: “Excellent! You should all be taking notes, like this guy!” I haven’t a clue what he’s been talking about for the past five minutes to our timid group of misshapen nerds, but have jotted down odd words like “burpee,” “snatch,” and “jumping squat.”

Thirty days in a gay CrossFit cult By Chadwick Moore

Photography by Luke Austin-Paglialonga

Daniel Murphy of the New York something or other recently made a comment that he is against the "gay lifestyle" 100 percent. I have to tell you it made me feel a little disgusted and here is why. First, aren't athletes supposed to give it one hundred and TEN percent? And secondly, this whole gay lifestyle thing sounds so decadent and hedonistic and sinful, like a two thousand calorie dessert and here I am gay and living my boring little life, paying my children's college bills, remaining faithfully married to my husband and taking out the trash. Clearly, I have missed out on the lifestyle I was entitled to.

Somewhere along the way, I made a choice to love men, just as Daniel Murphy made a choice to become a professional athlete. We're pretty much the same. We both get undressed and shower with other men, except his lifestyle affords him fancy cars, big homes, six figure salaries and adoring fans. What do I get? One lousy, committed and loving husband, five kids and big expenses.

I'm joking, of course. I didn't make a choice to love men. I made a choice to love one man and if I'm being completely honest, it was less of a choice and more of an inescapable conclusion. Love finds us. We do not find love. But the fact remains that my lifestyle falls short of the hyped up one that Mr. Murphy and many other religious zealots would ascribe to me.

Unless of course, it is not the lifestyle they are referring to, but the man on man sex? Then, yes, I've got that in spades. It is only with one man, but there is that whole "man shall not lie with man" thing in the bible, so I guess he's got me there. But what about all of the other no-no's mentioned in the bible?