I’m here, queer, and proud of it. It took me a decade to get those words out of my mouth and truly mean them. Now that I have I can proudly say that who I am deserves recognition.
I was sick and tired of feeling ashamed to be me. No one should feel that way. This time of year I’m reminded of the spirit I know is inside, and I long to spread it around. As a feminine gay guy, I’m always caught in a firestorm of assumptions. But at the end of the day it’s these assumptions that motivate to find my true identity. Now that I’ve made it out alive on the other side, allow me to share with you some of the reasons why I’m proud to know who I am:
1. People underestimate me & I always prove them wrong.
No one thinks I can beat them at anything, even if it’s something as simple as a video game. They assume I don’t know what I’m talking about when discussing sports, politics, or even changing the oil in my car.
For whatever reason, a feminine guy is like a damsel in distress to many people (especially straight guys). Nonetheless it’s the need to prove them wrong that motivates me to rise above it time and time again.
4. I’m a better boyfriend because of it.
I’ve dated guys who are somewhat overwhelmed by me, so much so that they’re hesitant to introduce me to their family and friends – these are the types that never work out. But none of them can say I was a bad boyfriend. In fact, the best boyfriends I’ve ever had were the ones who completely allowed me to be me as I allowed them to be them. They taught me never to apologize for the man you love and to always reciprocate the kind of treatment you get. No matter what, I’m always going to be a trophy man because what he receives of is always 100% authentic.
5. It taught me to know who my real friends are.
In high school I caught on to the friends who truly had my back versus the ones who didn’t. The ones who did never acted embarrassed in front of me or created distance if a more “popular” crowd approached us in the halls. The ones who didn’t only talked to me when it was convenient for them or if they needed advice, and it was always in private as if they didn’t want to be seen with me in public. I developed a sixth sense over time, which I still carry today.
8. I never sweat the small stuff.
Listen, I’ve been through the ringer plenty of times in my life. What do I have left to be afraid of? I’ve heard it all, seen it all, done it all. The last thing I need to worry about is an eye-roll from the waiter or a condescending text from a friend. Who cares! My happiness and esteem comes from my own awareness of how valuable I know I am to the world. All I can do is represent that authentically for people to see. If they don’t accept it, that’s not my fault. It’s theirs.
I was sick and tired of feeling ashamed to be me. No one should feel that way. This time of year I’m reminded of the spirit I know is inside, and I long to spread it around. As a feminine gay guy, I’m always caught in a firestorm of assumptions. But at the end of the day it’s these assumptions that motivate to find my true identity. Now that I’ve made it out alive on the other side, allow me to share with you some of the reasons why I’m proud to know who I am:
1. People underestimate me & I always prove them wrong.
No one thinks I can beat them at anything, even if it’s something as simple as a video game. They assume I don’t know what I’m talking about when discussing sports, politics, or even changing the oil in my car.
For whatever reason, a feminine guy is like a damsel in distress to many people (especially straight guys). Nonetheless it’s the need to prove them wrong that motivates me to rise above it time and time again.
2. I know what it’s like to be bullied, and I use it as fuel to help me achieve what I want.
In high school I was pushed into lockers countless of times, called “fag” pretty much every day, and never had straight male friends other than the ones I met in Theatre. But now as an adult I can look back and channel that mental space, and empathize with people who are also suffering. Bullying doesn’t end after high school. The adult world is full of bullies, but anyone who knows me knows that I won’t tolerate it. Ever. I tap into this fuel to help me achieve my goals in an effort to prove the bullies wrong, and I always have the last laugh.
In high school I was pushed into lockers countless of times, called “fag” pretty much every day, and never had straight male friends other than the ones I met in Theatre. But now as an adult I can look back and channel that mental space, and empathize with people who are also suffering. Bullying doesn’t end after high school. The adult world is full of bullies, but anyone who knows me knows that I won’t tolerate it. Ever. I tap into this fuel to help me achieve my goals in an effort to prove the bullies wrong, and I always have the last laugh.
3. I’m constantly breaking stereotypes of what “feminine” gay guys ought to be like.
My family raised me around sports and cars. My favorite time of year is football season because my friends and I love going to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the games over bowls and bowls of wings and dip. I’m not exactly a fan of fashion or anything Cher, yet when strangers look at me they assume I’m exactly what they see on TV. I’ve never meant to “break” stereotypes; all I can be is myself. Every day I watch as assumptions about me get tossed in the toilet. While it can be aggravating at times, at the end of the day it feels good to know that I changed someone’s perspective.
My family raised me around sports and cars. My favorite time of year is football season because my friends and I love going to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the games over bowls and bowls of wings and dip. I’m not exactly a fan of fashion or anything Cher, yet when strangers look at me they assume I’m exactly what they see on TV. I’ve never meant to “break” stereotypes; all I can be is myself. Every day I watch as assumptions about me get tossed in the toilet. While it can be aggravating at times, at the end of the day it feels good to know that I changed someone’s perspective.
4. I’m a better boyfriend because of it.
I’ve dated guys who are somewhat overwhelmed by me, so much so that they’re hesitant to introduce me to their family and friends – these are the types that never work out. But none of them can say I was a bad boyfriend. In fact, the best boyfriends I’ve ever had were the ones who completely allowed me to be me as I allowed them to be them. They taught me never to apologize for the man you love and to always reciprocate the kind of treatment you get. No matter what, I’m always going to be a trophy man because what he receives of is always 100% authentic.
5. It taught me to know who my real friends are.
In high school I caught on to the friends who truly had my back versus the ones who didn’t. The ones who did never acted embarrassed in front of me or created distance if a more “popular” crowd approached us in the halls. The ones who didn’t only talked to me when it was convenient for them or if they needed advice, and it was always in private as if they didn’t want to be seen with me in public. I developed a sixth sense over time, which I still carry today.
6. I’m always ahead of my time.
Being ahead of your time sucks sometimes because by the time everyone gets around to it, you’re bored. Being feminine, people naturally placed me inside a box segregated from others. It allowed me to observe society from a safe distance. Had I been just like everyone else, I might not have been given a chance to see the truth in people. Being forced in a place to observe has made me more creative, honest, and progressive when it comes to all things artistic.
7. I get hit on a lot more.
I’m always getting flirted with because I’m safe to assume that I am, in fact, gay. Too many gay guys nowadays are trying to look straight, so much so that they make onlookers afraid to make a move because they’re not “sure.” Unless you’re in the nearest gayborhood, gay guys are somewhat reluctant to flirt with a man unless he’s at least 80% sure he’s gay. For me it’s a no brainer, which is a relief in many ways. It’s a blessing because I’m always getting hit on, and most of the time it’s from guys I least expect.
Being ahead of your time sucks sometimes because by the time everyone gets around to it, you’re bored. Being feminine, people naturally placed me inside a box segregated from others. It allowed me to observe society from a safe distance. Had I been just like everyone else, I might not have been given a chance to see the truth in people. Being forced in a place to observe has made me more creative, honest, and progressive when it comes to all things artistic.
7. I get hit on a lot more.
I’m always getting flirted with because I’m safe to assume that I am, in fact, gay. Too many gay guys nowadays are trying to look straight, so much so that they make onlookers afraid to make a move because they’re not “sure.” Unless you’re in the nearest gayborhood, gay guys are somewhat reluctant to flirt with a man unless he’s at least 80% sure he’s gay. For me it’s a no brainer, which is a relief in many ways. It’s a blessing because I’m always getting hit on, and most of the time it’s from guys I least expect.
8. I never sweat the small stuff.
Listen, I’ve been through the ringer plenty of times in my life. What do I have left to be afraid of? I’ve heard it all, seen it all, done it all. The last thing I need to worry about is an eye-roll from the waiter or a condescending text from a friend. Who cares! My happiness and esteem comes from my own awareness of how valuable I know I am to the world. All I can do is represent that authentically for people to see. If they don’t accept it, that’s not my fault. It’s theirs.
9. I get more attention being different.
It took me a long time to embrace the idea of being different, but as soon as I did I was overwhelmed with respect from my peers. It was because I was different that I developed trust and loyalty from most of the people around me. A man who is just like everyone else isn’t going to make nearly as much of an impression as someone who is 100% original. We’ve taught ourselves to suppress it, which is the wrong thing to do.
10. It’s who I am.
If I can’t be proud of who I am, how the hell am I going to live a happy life? Believe me I tried to be like the rest of the boys growing up. I tried to “man up,” as my dad would say. I looked like a joke. I was born this way and the whole conversation of feminine vs. masculine is a stupid attempt to create a superiority complex within our community, and I want nothing to do with it. I’m much more proud that I refuse to wear a mask, I will never be anything other than myself, and I will always have bigger fish to fry than worrying about how “gay” my pants look or how “flamy” my walk is. For those of you who care about all those things, it’s time to grow up. Live honest!
It took me a long time to embrace the idea of being different, but as soon as I did I was overwhelmed with respect from my peers. It was because I was different that I developed trust and loyalty from most of the people around me. A man who is just like everyone else isn’t going to make nearly as much of an impression as someone who is 100% original. We’ve taught ourselves to suppress it, which is the wrong thing to do.
10. It’s who I am.
If I can’t be proud of who I am, how the hell am I going to live a happy life? Believe me I tried to be like the rest of the boys growing up. I tried to “man up,” as my dad would say. I looked like a joke. I was born this way and the whole conversation of feminine vs. masculine is a stupid attempt to create a superiority complex within our community, and I want nothing to do with it. I’m much more proud that I refuse to wear a mask, I will never be anything other than myself, and I will always have bigger fish to fry than worrying about how “gay” my pants look or how “flamy” my walk is. For those of you who care about all those things, it’s time to grow up. Live honest!
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