We’ve all dated men knowing we’re too good for them. Most of us love the feeling of having a boyfriend so much that we sacrifice our own dignity. It’s difficult to admit that we might be better than our partner. Doing so might make us feel arrogant or cocky, but the truth of the matter is there are certain people who are only meant to remind of us what’s missing. Perhaps it’s time to reconsider the compatibility with your man. Here are a few signs:

1. You Dumb Down Conversations

There’s nothing worse than being with a man who isn’t on your intellectual level. When you find yourself constantly having to dumb down important points of conversation you’re almost always going to max out your patience. Eventually you’ll see that it’s not just him. His entire universe (friends, family, coworkers) seem to live in another world and stooping down to their level is exhausting. You deserve more.

2. He Constantly Needs Encouragement

You’re not meant to be his life coach, but rather his partner in crime. No one wants to date a Debbie Downer, especially one who’s become independent on your advice, false hope and encouragement. A little goes a long way but when it turns into the basis of your entire relationship, you’re in for a worser fate down the road. You’re stable. He’s not. Eventually the imbalance will affect your own infrastructure.

3. Inconsideration Of Time

A man who’s always late or makes every opportunity about himself is clearly not considering the time you have together. Not only is this rude, but it’s also a sign of an unhealthy ego. Dating a man who values his time over anyone else is never going to welcome a fair and balanced relationship, especially when you’re putting in more effort.

4. He Can’t Take A Joke

A man who takes himself too seriously is consciously closing himself off. Not only will this result in you consistently having to walk on eggshells around him, but it’s also a springboard towards a controlling atmosphere. You like to laugh and enjoy life while he is too comfortable filtering out the world. It’s clear you have higher potential at contentment and satisfaction with the people around you. Don’t let him steal it away.

5. He Lacks Curiosity

A major part of living life to the fullest is curiosity. Without it, it’s nearly impossible to want to push the boundaries of our own situations. If he’s never mentioned the places he wants to do, the people he wants to meet, the goals he’s set for himself, things he’s always wanted to experience, he’s probably not going to add anything interesting to your life except sex. No one wants to date a man who’s taking up all your oxygen.

6. Your Friends Don’t Like Him Very Much

Friends see what you never do. Being in a relationship can build up blinders to enormous red flags you might not have noticed otherwise. The people closest to you are able to see compatibility much more easier than you are since they’re going based on what they see rather than how you feel. If they don’t like him, chances are, it’s not going to end well.

7. You’re Paying For EVERYTHING!

He doesn’t know how to pay his bills or keep a job so, chances are, you’re the one forking up the bill. There comes a time when you leave boyhood and enter manhood, and here in good old Man Land, we switch off who pays for what. For him to constantly be in need of your credit card shows exactly how he views the relationship. Don’t make it a habit – you’re too good for that.

At the end of last year, Australia legalized same-sex marriage. While Lauren Price and Amy Laker were the first couple to wed after the announcement, Ilan Buchman and Oscar Shub recently became the first same-sex Jewish couple to do so.

The wedding

Five months after the legalization, Buchman and Shub married at Sydney’s Emanuel Synagogue on 2 May. The wedding was officiated by Rabbi Jeffrey Kamins. Guests, 168 total, came from all over the world to celebrate the couple’s big day, including from South Africa, Israel, England, Canada, Perth, and Melbourne.

(Ilan Buchman and Oscar Shub became the first Jewish same-sex couple to wed in Australia)

Emanuel Synagogue is a pluralist congregation that welcomes the Masorti, Progressive, and Renewal sects of Judaism-all which advocated for same-sex marriage in Australia.

‘Certainly the reason we chose to get married in a synagogue – and we believe it’s an appropriate message to send to the Jewish community – is that times have changed and that if people suddenly discover that they have gay children or gay grandchildren, those children or grandchildren can still lead a regular existence,’ Shub told Plus61J.

‘For young people and those not out yet, hopefully by us getting married, officially with a rabbi officiating, it sends a good message,’ Buchman echoed.

‘It was an incredible honour and privilege, on behalf of Emanuel Synagogue, to officiate at the first same-sex ceremony under the legislation,’ Rabbi Kamins told J-Wire.

‘We look forward to more ceremonies in the coming months. My associate, Rabbi Jacqueline Ninio, who has been the strongest advocate of marriage equality in our community for more than 10 years, will be conducting with me another same-sex marriage early June.’

‘When he said, “I pronounce you husband and husband” and the whole synagogue broke into clapping; it was just amazing – it was fantastic!’ Shub said after the wedding.

This week on Falling for Angels, Here TV’s neighborhood-specific anthology series exploring the diversity of gay life in Los Angeles: Aging gays! Bed death! Non-judgmental treatment of sex work! Truvada for PrEP! High-earning gays’ relationship ennui in fussily decorated Bel Air one-levels!

I kid, of course. This week’s episode is another chamber piece with just enough plot for a 21-minute story about two gay men who have it all: a great house, great friends, careers, long-term commitment-except they’ve “fallen out of sex,” as the episode puts it. So it often goes in a long-term relationship.

(The latest episode of Falling for Angels eschews the usual stories of the young.)

The episode opens with Chase (Jason London of Dazed and Confused) and Bentley (Kevin Spiritus) really in their element, throwing a successful little birthday get-together. Both are wearing those soft-colored, vertically striped dress shirts that are basically the uniform for classy middle-aged gays. I’ll assume that the friends of Dorothy at the party are always this demonstrative, but even the hets in attendance are behaving en pointe for this spirited little gathering. Nobody does parties better than us. Everyone, of course, has a glass of champagne in hand. There’s a blazing fire.

“This beautiful man makes every day of my life, no matter what I’m going through and what is happening, brighter and better than I could have ever imagined,” Bentley toasts the birthday boy. We have no reason to doubt it.

The first half is cut, however, with anxious, sterile black-and-white shots of a hand placing pills on a plate and fingers fidgeting with wedding rings. Falling for Angels never has time for much nuance. “Bel Air” is a vignette and knows it.

“I wanted to show a long-time married couple in their most quiet personal state,” says writer–director David Millbern, an alumnus of the Actors Studio and Northwestern who is himself around the age of his leads. After the guests leave, the two have an easy, not-unpleasant scene in bed together, but it’s practically all business. Chase has an early flight, so they, with their flannel pajamas and matching sleep blindfolds, set an alarm, give a quick peck and turn out the lights. They settle in with their backs facing each other.

There’s no more inane question to me than one of the most frequently uttered in the gay community than, "Are you a top or a bottom?"

I literally can’t tell you the intense negative visceral reaction that it causes.

Technically I am top.

And by that I mean I have never been fucked in the ass.

This is not to say the notion hasn’t occurred to me. I think early on in dating life, my “top” status was driven mostly by my intense phobia of acquiring HIV more than anything.

Also putting things in your butt hurts the first few times for the most part.

My first boyfriend and I dated, on and off, for over eight years.

In that time we consummated (i.e. fucked) maybe a handful of times. People give me weird looks when I tell them that, and I guess for a lot of people for whom fucking is the end and all and be all (or at least a good 90 percent) of sex, that makes sense.

Ryan and I were best friends first and foremost, and we’re both truly versatile in all senses of the word - I think. A lot of our sexual experiences revolved around our adolescent- or college-aged fantasies (we both had played NCAA sports in college) and was definitely more mental than anything else. Our intense friendship which begat the relationship, and physical similarities, added to an intense attraction and love that stays with me to this day.

That’s to say, our sex life involved a lot of dirty talk, foreplay, porn, and jockstraps.

And ecstasy.

It was the '90s after all.

Also if ever there was a time I was going to bottom, it would have been with him.

But alas, unlike Goldie Locks, we couldn't find "just right" and he proved too big for what I was comfortable with.

My next two relationships I was the top in, and involved more fucking, but also led to what I thought was a funny sort of role play in my own life.

I often wore my hat backwards, I was athletic, I was outwardly “straight” acting. I was also very loudly out, but I found myself often playing a version of me that wasn’t an act per se, just a certain combination of actual elements of myself that interacted with the person I was talking to’s perception of me seamlessly.

I remember once going to the Lure, which was a legendary leather club in New York City’s meatpacking district. Every Wednesday, they had an “open” night called ‘Pork’ that allowed the non-diehard leather, Chelsea, and East Village gay boys to dip their toe in the fetish laden bar.

My memories of nights at the Lure are highly titillating, yet at the time, they required copious amount of beer drinking to get to the point I felt even vaguely comfortable talking to, let alone participating in anything with, some of the guys. But one interaction has always indelibly remained in my mind.

This hot guy wearing a leather harness and other superhot accoutrements came up to me, a self-identified “top,” when I was just buzzed enough to make eye contact, and not knowing the proper etiquette of my surroundings, I simply nodded “S’up” (wearing a backwards baseball cap, navy blue Del the Funky Homosapien hoodie, baggy jeans, and Adidas) to which he replied “Get over here boy and get on your knees.”

Force faced calls to drop out over perceived failures to tackle crime against the LGBT community.

Toronto’s police force has withdrawn its application to march in the city’s Pride parade after organisers highlighted perceived failures by the force to properly investigate crimes against the LGBT community.

The organisers of Canada’s largest Pride event had asked Toronto police to withdraw their application to join June’s parade.

In January the force charged Bruce McArthur with six counts of first-degree murder, months after Toronto’s LGBT community began voicing concerns that a serial killer was targeting men in the city’s Gay Village. Hundreds of missing persons cases are now being re-examined.

(Justin Trudeau, the Canadian prime minister, marches in the 2016 Pride Toronto event. Photograph: Xinhua/Barcroft Images)

As recently as December the force had said there was “no evidence” of a serial killer in the Village – a denial that further damaged the already fragile relationship between the Toronto LGBT community and the force.

“This has severely shaken our community’s already often tenuous trust in the city’s law enforcement. We feel more vulnerable than ever,” said Pride Toronto in a statement posted to Facebook and Twitter this week. The statement was signed by Pride Toronto’s executive director, Olivia Nuamah, and a number of advocacy groups around the city.

“Marching won’t contribute towards solving these issues; they are beyond the reach of symbolic gestures,” the statement added.

Mark Saunders, the Toronto police chief, said on Tuesday the force was listening to the LGBT community. “I will be withdrawing the application we have made to the organising committee of the Pride parade,” he said. “My hope is that this move will be received as a concrete example of the fact that I am listening closely to the community’s concerns.”

The city’s annual Pride parade, one of the largest in the world, can trace its originsto raids on four gay bathhouses in 1981, known as Operation Soap, in which Toronto police arrested more than 300 people. 

The so-called male G-spot is allegedly the source of mind-blowing orgasms - but are they good for your health as well?

The prostate is a mysterious and oft-misunderstood organ. A walnut-size gland found between a man's bladder and his rectum, the prostate's main function is to produce fluid that is expelled as part of semen during ejaculation; it's also the source of prostate cancer, which is the most common cancer in men. While many men dread their first prostate exam, the so-called "male G-spot" can also be a source of mind-blowing pleasure, according to those men who have experienced prostate orgasms.

While many men are wary of anal stimulation, the male G-spot is increasingly becoming a subject of conversation. While prostate massagers (like this Aneros Progasm) are typically viewed as toys for gay or kinky men, they're increasingly becoming more mainstream. According to the pleasure product company HealthyAndActive, prostate massager sales have increased by 56% over the past five years, particularly among straight men over the age of 45. This trend is reflected in Google searches as well: according to Google Trends, searches for "prostate massager" have more than tripled since 2004.

Does Your Penis Size Matter?

Additionally, some doctors are encouraging men to perform regular prostate massages (either by doing it solo, or with a licensed practitioner), claiming they can potentially help alleviate the symptoms of various health issues. While it's worth noting that some experts are skeptical of these benefits - "[they] may be an excuse for guys to persuade their partners to hunt for that elusive male g-spot," says Jesse N. Mills, MD, an associate clinical professor of urology at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA -, we decided to speak to doctors and men's health experts to determine the potential benefits of prostate massage.

1. Erectile Dysfunction

While there isn't much scientific literature to definitively prove that prostate massage can improve erectile function, every doctor we spoke to say that it could help in theory. (What can also help? Our Men's Health course on erectile dysfunction.)

"The theory behind the potential benefit involves an improvement in blood flow resulting from vigorous milking or massaging of the prostate. Because erections are largely the result of good blood flow, any increase could potentially lead to better boners," says Joshua R. Gonzalez, MD, who has his own practice in Los Angeles.

2. Urine Flow

Urine should come out in a steady steam, but if a man has a swollen prostate or an inflammation, the prostate can irritate the bladder, causing the urine flow from the bladder through the urethra to be slow or even cut off.

"The improvements seen in urine flow from prostate massage again can be the result of decreasing inflammation in the prostate, which may be contributing to a man's urinary problems. Manipulation of the nearby pelvic floor muscles, which contract and relax in a coordinated fashion during urination, may also improve urine flow," says Dr. Gonzalez.

It’s the standard Hollywood teen fare – except its protagonist is gay. I just wish it had been around when I was young.

As many LGBT viewers bask in the peachy afterglow of Call Me By Your Name, 2018’s first big “gay film” comes bouncing up in the shape of something very different: a teenage romcom called Love, Simon. Based on the hit young adult novel Simon vs the Homosapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli and directed by Greg Berlanti (husband of professional US football player Robbie Rogers), Love, Simon, is the story of a 17-year-old high school student who strikes up a secret internet relationship with another closeted teen. The film follows Simon’s quest to find out who his potential Romeo is and how it affects those closest to him.

Love, Simon is remarkable in that it is the first film from a major studio, in this case 20th Century Fox, about a same-sex romance. Early reviews have been positive, noting this, but have included occasional sniffiness that the film isn’t radical or daring enough, and perhaps isn’t even needed.

Those of my fortysomething generation will remember sitting up late, chair pressed against the door, volume low so as not to be caught, watching the gay-themed films of the time. For me it was Daniel Day-Lewis dribbling champagne into the mouth of Gordon Warnecke in My Beautiful Launderette and, as I remember, naked men basking on rocks in Derek Jarman’s Sebastiane.

Jarman was a brave, pioneering hero, and My Beautiful Launderette a brilliant, groundbreaking film. But as a teenager, I didn’t need art-house dreamscapes or an investigation of the gritty politics I would eventually come to feel massively passionate about: at 12, what I really needed was reassurance that one day I could get a date and that we could hold hands in the cinema and go for a slice of pizza afterwards with our friends. I cannot tell you how much I needed that.

One review suggested that this is more a warm hug for the older generation than a helping hand for today’s queer kids who are rocking their own worlds and setting their own agendas. It’s something I heard over and over when I was writing my book Straight Jacket, about LGBT mental health: that the new generation “were over it” and didn’t need any help.

But that’s not what the young people I spoke to told me. Yes, of course it is far easier now in many ways. But some told me of being spat on in the street, or of being so bludgeoned by anxiety they didn’t go out, or of being bullied by families – one told me his stepfather wouldn’t allow him to have dinner with his siblings in case his sexuality “was catching” – and of course, when it comes to those from religious backgrounds, the problem is still huge and one which we are scared to speak about. Even today it is estimated that a quarter of homeless young people identify as LGBT. There is still a struggle to find solid healthy ground on to which young LGBT kids can pitch their identities. There is still a lack of positive representation.

But do you want to get married?

You might think that young gay men are all about the single life and dating apps.

But it turns out that polyamory and open relationships are not the dream, it’s monogamy.

Researchers have found surprising new relationship trends among gay men aged 18 to 39.

Lanz Lowen and Blake Spears, a non-monogamous couple for 36 years, looked into the experience of other same-sex couples.

The pair says: ‘There wasn’t any roadmap and we assumed long-term couples might offer valuable perspectives and hard-earned lessons.’

They surveyed a range of men, both single and in relationships. 42% of the respondents were single, the other 58% in relationships.

Of those in relationships, 632 identified as monogamous, 152 identified as ‘monogamish’, and 48 identified as non-monagamous.

92% of young gay men want to get married

If you're in a relationship, are you monogamous?

MonogamousMonogam-ishOpen relationshipSingle/Prefer Not To Answer

The study found 92% wanted to get married one day. 90% stated they were seeking monogamous relationships.

Half of the men identified as being in long-term monogamous relationships.

Previous studies have found two-thirds of couples who have been together for five years or more are in an open relationship.

But however, more younger men are seeking monogamy.

Two US army captains who met during ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ have become the first active-duty gay couple to get married at a famous military academy.

The wedding significantly took place in the glorious surroundings of the United States Military Academy West Point.

Capt. Daniel Hall, 30, and Capt. Vinny Franchino, 26 exchanged vows this weekend at the estate’s picturesque chapel, the New York Times reports.

The pair are Apache helicopter pilots. They met in 2009 when Hall was a senior and Franchino was a freshman.
It was at a time the former President Bill Clinton’s policy ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ was still in effect.

It stopped gay or bisexual members of the military from serving openly.

‘We were certainly never going to get kicked out of the Army’

‘We couldn’t tell the truth for fear of what would happen to us,’ Franchino told The New York Times.

A gay Democrat living with HIV has been elected as the new Speaker of New York City council.

Corey Johnson was elected to the role this week in a near-unanimous vote of the 50 city councillors. 

Mr Johnson replaces the outgoing Speaker Melissa Mark-Viverito.

The new Speaker Johnson previously made history as the only openly HIV-positive politician in the State of New York, and has also pioneered LGBT rights.

Mr Johnson made national headlines as a teenager in 2000 when, as captain of his high school football team at Masconomet Regional High School, he came out as gay.

Aged just 17 at the time, Mr Johnson was featured in the New York Times and on 20/20 to talk about his life and LGBT rights. He later became a contributor for gay blog Towleroad.

He joined the New York City council representing the 3rd District in 2014, and has fought on issues including homelessness, criminal justice, health and women’s rights.

His confirmation as Speaker follows a tough race, but his nomination was approved by 48 votes to 1 – with council member Inez Barron the lone dissenter, lamenting the lack of African-American candidates.

Taking up the role, Mr Johnson noted the body’s role in LGBT rights reforms previously.

He said: “If we become unmoored and lose our way, we need only listen to the voices of those we represent to correct our course.

“At this time, 32 years ago, in this very chamber, the city council considered legislation that would finally outlaw discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation in housing, employment and public accomodations.

Everyone deserves excellent non-biased, non-judgmental, LGBT-affirming care. Seeing practitioners who are part of the LGBT community can heighten the relationship and improve outcomes. We can all maximize our health care by understanding our own personal needs and desires, with constant reevaluation and reassessment.

The rise of LGBT-friendly medical culture is addressing closeted issues head on. And it’s about time.

During the aging - or should I say, maturing - process, change recalibrates one’s expectations, and without constant analysis, we may never reach our true potential. Here’s what you should consider in order to maximize your sexual health consultation and care:

An Open and Honest Doctor-Patient Relationship

First and foremost, it is important to define your doctor-patient relationship. The true understanding of individuals comes through open lines of communication. As patients, we tend to put up so many barriers. But we need safe outlets where we can receive high-quality gender- and sexual-specific care. A true and honest relationship lends itself to the delivery of unsurpassed health care.

That being said, our country is so divisive in the care one receives that responsibilities tend to fall on the patient, demanding a practitioner with a comprehensive understanding of all the sensitivities and concerns that fall within the LGBT community.

All facets of your health - be it psychological, social, or physical - should be evaluated at least yearly, if not more, depending upon one’s risk. If this is lacking or missing, then find another practitioner who hits the mark. There are many accessible medical leaders, and now with websites - like Lighthouse LGBT - highlighting sex-positive professionals, the move is yours to make. Trust me, you will not be disappointed.

Your Sexual History: What the Doc Needs to Know

The cornerstone of the mind, body, and spirit lies within one’s sexual history. All the rest of the medical analytics are routine and standard across the profession, with limited standard deviation on the care one receives. Yet, the sexual taboo continues to be in full force in my profession and it is incumbent upon the client to be educated on the appropriate questions one should ask.

This ranges from defining one’s sexual interests and desires to functional and risk assessments, all helping to minimize any harm or disease. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has developed a simple categorization of sexual history questions to paint an accurate picture of what should be the gold standard of evaluation. It’s “The Five P’s For Sexual Behavior History Taking.” Let’s break it down.

Are you in a gay relationship right now? Do you feel like you’re losing yourself in your current relationship? Or are you so persistent on that person that you have forgotten your own life? Are you thinking why the spark seems to be gone? If you feel all these, you may be losing yourself. And you have to deal with it.

We want to provide you 11 steps to not lose yourself in your relationship. We want your relationship to last and for you to be happy.

Knowing how to not lose yourself in a relationship could be relatively hard from the start. After all, when you get into a relationship, the thing that comes into your mind is that you and your partner are now one, sharing one bedroom, sharing one house, etc. However, if you know that you are losing yourself in the process and it is becoming even more destructive, you need to start finding yourself again.

Below are the top eleven tips on how to not lose yourself and create a relationship that is more endearing and everlasting.

1. Keep Your Interest In Life

The very first thing that you have to do is ensure that you keep all your interest in life that you had or the activities you did before your partner arrived. If your partner doesn’t want to go hiking, it does not mean that you need to quit as well. Call your co-workers or your close friends and hang out every so often, it will provide him a reason to go out with his buddies. Many believe that the answer to being in a rapport isn’t pursuing anything which their dearest love doesn’t. This is wrong. You must still have a life of friends that you had before the relationship. You need continuity in your life and to abruptly stop is to lose interest in your own individual life.

2. Prioritize Sex

When knowing “how not to lose yourself “in a relationship, sometimes you turn out to be aloof with your partner. You can even set off ignoring sex and the whole thing that sex has to give because your not introducing what you need in bed to your partner. Well, the answer to this is to give emphasis to sex and you must definitely prioritize sex. It is being mutually compatible and both working towards each others’ satisfaction; suffice to say I am sure you wouldn’t appreciate the other party “faking it” or anything along those lines and would want them to be open and direct in terms of what they like and don’t like and then working towards something that leaves both of you happy overall. Simply put, if they’re happy then you may be, but it must be mutual and you should expect the same level of courtesy. Your partner must be involved in assisting you to keep your own individuality so communicate your sexual needs .

3. Communicate

Open or frequent communication with the partner is considered one of the things to consider if you do not want to lose yourself if you are in a relationship. Your partner will have your back always. Let him know about your feeling and he will surely understand that, because he loves you. Both of you are on a journey of discovery and both of you should communicate on where the relationship is going.

4. Do Not Lose Yourself

Simply because you are in a relationship does not mean that you need to forget about the whole thing that you love. In a relationship, it is so easy to get over-involved with talking about bills, your relationship and ordinary things in life, however you also need to time to talk about your feelings, your day, yourself and your life as a whole. Your partner must also be capable to perform the same.

"You must Love yourself first than any relationship is a plus but not a must."

5. Don’t Assume

You cannot assume that your partner is not feeling precisely similar way as yours. Your partner can be feeling like slipping away too, or your relationship is on sold footing and that is the reason why frequent communication must be on your mind. Always remember that you are in this as one and you must help one another.

6. Don’t Ignore the Presence of Your Partner

In many relationships, it only seems to take place naturally wherein one partner takes advantage of his or her partner. You have to ensure that you’re showing how bless you are for coming into his life, if you do this no doubt he will also do the same thing. It’s a perfect means to keep the relationship strong as well as for you to stay your personality. Also, do not get stuck in roles, for example, where you do all the cooking and he does all the grocery shopping. Change it up a little so both of you appreciate what both are giving to the relationship. It will not become stagnant.

The marriage issue preoccupied activists in 2017 but it’s unclear whether that campaigning power can be harnessed for issues such as trans and intersex rights.

Easier gender changes on birth certificates. Preventing unnecessary surgery on intersex children. Gender education in schools and LGBTI acceptance in aged care.

These are just some of the LGBTI causes raised as priorities by Australian community leaders and activists keen to keep the ball rolling after the passage of marriage equality legislation.

A fact often lost in the postal survey debate is that marriage equality is not the be-all and end-all for queer people, for the simple reason that many are opposite-sex attracted and could already marry – particularly people who are bisexual, trans or intersex.

But now one of the last forms of discrimination before the law of gay and lesbian Australians has been lifted it remains to be seen if there’s enough solidarity to bank the win and move on to the next fight.

Anna Brown, the Equality Campaign co-chair, played a pivotal role in the marriage equality campaign and says it’s now time to refocus on trans and intersex rights and gender diversity issues.

“It’s only appropriate given how much these groups were targeted by the no campaign,” she says. “As a movement we have a responsibility to stand by them and make sure they’re not left behind … to amplify their voices.”

Whether it was the Coalition for Marriage’s ads about gender education or Cory Bernardi criticising a charity day allowing boys to wear dresses, much of the opposition to marriage equality had little to do with homosexuality. Brown suggests trans and gender diverse people were “collateral damage” in the campaign.

The executive director of Transgender Victoria, Sally Goldner, says the no campaign displayed “gross prejudice by implying there is something wrong with gender diversity when, of course, it just is [diverse]”.

Brown, the director of advocacy at the Human Rights Law Centre, is on a mission to remove “every last stain of discrimination” from the statute books.

She cites overturning the ban on same-sex adoption in the Northern Territory and access to assisted reproductive technology in Western Australia and the NT as the next cabs off the rank.

One change that is directly related to marriage is forced trans divorce. All states and territories except South Australia and the Australian Capital Territory require trans people to get divorced before they can change their gender on their birth certificates.

For people including the Greens’ LGBTI spokeswoman, Janet Rice, and her wife, Penny, the laws create an agonising choice between preserving one’s marriage or officially changing gender.

Penny will wait for the law to change before changing her gender, but Rice says legislation of marriage equality is already having a normalising effect for them.

“Penny and I have gone from being one of the very few same-sex couples legally married to being joined by thousands of others who had overseas marriages,” she says.

Although marriage equality is a big step forward for gay and lesbian Australians in particular, many of the issues affecting the trans and intersex community have little to do with saying “I do”.

Goldner represents trans and bisexual communities and points to the urgent need to flatten out disparities in mental health for these groups.

She says trans people and bisexual women “are more likely to be homeless and on the receiving end of domestic violence”.

She adds the need to make it easier to change gender on birth certificates, noting that only the ACT and SA allow changes without gender reassignment surgery.

That means in six states and territories children can’t change their birth certificate, even with parental consent.

The family court has allowed children to undergo stage-two hormone treatmentwithout going to court, with parental and doctors’ consent, but Goldner says adults still face “huge out-of-pocket costs” to transition gender.

“That’s often something that stops people living life as their authentic self,” she says.

The trans activist Kate Doak identifies the mental health needs of trans youth as the priority, citing the high rate of attempted suicide by trans children.

“Any form of program which responsibly prevents bullying, reduces instances of anxiety and depression needs to be the focus,” she says.

Rice says the Greens will be particularly focused on “removing prejudice against trans people”, citing the need to ensure equality in spheres such as sport and education. She says initiatives such as the anti-bullying program Safe Schools are “exactly the sort of program to end a culture of bullying and discrimination”.

Morgan Carpenter, the executive co-director of Organisation Intersex International Australia, says the key demand for the intersex community is for a prohibition of deferrable medical interventions, including surgery and hormone treatments, that alter the sex characteristics of infants and children without their consent.

“Many of us have experienced medical interventions to make our bodies appear more typically female or male, without our informed consent,” Carpenter says. “We know that such practices remain routine in Australian hospitals.”

"We need to talk," he texted completely out of the blue.

‘Lol it sounds like you’re about to break up with me,’ I jokingly replied.

‘Well, James – I don’t know what to say.’

I was stunned. He asked me to meet him at one of our favorite date spots by the river and we sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity.

‘Feelings have changed,’ he finally spluttered out.

This gay guy was dumped on Christmas Eve (Image: supplied)

Literally a few days before, we had been ice skating at a special Christmas rink in the centre of the city in Sydney, laughing as we picked up loose ice and playfully throwing it at each other.

And now here we were. Awkwardly hugging and faithlessly reassuring each other we’ll still be friends.

But why did he do it?

‘Feelings have changed.’ That’s all he said and that’s all I remember repeating to myself in disbelief as I drove home alone. I kept trying to piece together what happened, but I just felt completely blindsided.

When I got home, I slumped onto my bed and sobbed. It was the first time I had been broken up with and it hurt like hell.

The next morning, I woke up on Christmas Day and the festive spirit seemed drained out of my body with every tear I cried the night before.

Family delicately skirted around the empty place mat during Christmas lunch but no one said a word about it. Progressively, the sadness grew into anger at how sudden the whole break up seemed.

And to this day, I still don’t know exactly why he did it.

Imagine the perfect morning. You get up early, eat breakfast, shower long and luxuriously, put on a killer outfit, and head out into the world. On the train, a stranger says you look beautiful. You smile and thank them. But you already knew that, didn’t you?

Now imagine the worst morning. You oversleep, stub your toe, and, without a minute to shower, have to rub down your nasty bits with a baby wipe. You’re upset, smelly, puffy, cranky, hungry, limping, riding the metro in silence while wearing yesterday’s pants. And then, someone says you look beautiful.

Are you charmed? Or are you pissed that this stranger has such a blatant disregard for the way you feel about your own body that he or she feels entitled to lie to your face just to prove a point?

I’m not an idiot. I know when I’m beautiful and when I am gross. Trying to tip the scales of my self-image equilibrium is, frankly, insulting. For that reason, I will politely and firmly request that the body positive movement never interact with me again.

Let me be clear: I’m sure the body positive movement is hugely important to a ton of people. And I will own up to the fact that there have been times that the movement has said things that really helped me. All I’m saying is that I find the movement patronizing, and that-in my life at least-it causes a lot more stress than it relieves.

Growing up without any exposure to the body positive movement, I had no choice but to create my own defenses. It was a lot of work learning how to survive in a culture as toxic as the one gay men create. Somehow I figured it out, though, and I’m proud of myself for the work I put in.

So when I’m in the Greyhound station bathroom and there’s a post-it saying "You Are Beautiful" blocking my reflection in the mirror, you can understand why I might find it glib.

I don’t care if I’m beautiful right now! I’m late for my damn bus!

On Thursday, the Australian parliament finally passed marriage equality into law. I, like many other hopefuls, watched the live stream within the House of Representatives for hours. When the moment came, the public gallery erupting into chorus: “I am, you are, we are Australian.”
For the first time in a very long time, I felt pride in my country. In this moment, it could be easy for many to forget the pain that my community was subjected to over the past months. But, now that marriage equality is now a reality, it’s time to begin mending some wounds.

Yesterday’s result follows the non-binding $122 million, voluntary survey that swept across the entire nation, asking every Australian citizen to vote as to whether they thought same-sex couples deserved the some recognition as their straight counterparts.

(Same-sex marriage is a necessary first step in mending the wounds of the past.)

This was obviously problematic from the outset for a number of reasons. The nature of this survey meant that my government was willing to hoist an already-marginalised group into the spotlight and onto a pedestal for the rest of the country to point at and judge. The non-binding nature of survey also meant that, even if a yes vote came through, this still wouldn’t mean that gay marriage would be legal.

LGBTQ Australians subsequently had to deal with a lot of hostility throughout this period-the ‘no’ campaigns in particular was grounded on ignorance and propaganda. Conservative associations such as Marriage Alliance and Coalition for Marriage adopted fear tactics. “Stop the fags” posters began to appear, some rumoured to have spikes attached to the back of them as to harm those trying to tear the posters down. Anti-marriage equality advertisements were given air time; “school told my son he could wear a dress next year if he felt like it,” a mother said in one commercial, accompanied by fearful background music, which, for the record, even if that was true, what an absolutely beautiful school that would be.

Watching this wave of ignorance made me scared, but I wasn’t scared for myself. In all honesty, I found most of this rather humorous. I’m fortunate to be comfortable in myself, to know what’s just and unjust, and to have an incredible support system that lifts me up.

I’m not a club-goer and I prefer to do anything else than go to a noisy bar or gay club where you feel like you have to look or act a certain way. I’ve never felt comfortable or like I could be myself which is why I understand you and thousands of other gay men like us don’t like being in “the scene.”

Having full acceptance that you’re not into the gay scene is a huge step to take and I’m here to tell you, welcome to the real party! In my opinion, it’s sooooo much better here.

Now let me give you some practical advice on where you can meet quality gay guys outside the club.

Most of us resort to dating apps like Grindr, Scruff, OkCupid or Manhunt, all with the hopes of connecting with our community or meeting the love of our life. Just like gay clubs, this is a way to meet other gay men - but it’s not the only way.

These apps typically attract guys just looking to hook up. These apps can be a community in their own nature, but they can leave you feeling rejected and lonely - especially when a hookup or encounter doesn’t turn into a meaningful friendship.

You actually don’t have to make friends in the gay community in order to feel fulfilled and satisfied. You don’t have to go to nightclubs or create a dating profile when you’re feeling lonely, bored or horny. You don’t have to put yourself in environments that make you feel uncomfortable. If you do, then you’re doing yourself a disservice and causing harm toward your mental hygiene which is the way you keep your mind and your emotions clean and spiffy.

Just like we need to stay hygienic with our physical bodies by brushing our teeth, taking showers and exercising, it’s equally as important to place ourselves in healthy environments that support our happiness and social well-being.

In order to make friends outside the gay scene, you gotta answer this one question: “What are your values?”

Do you value health? Do you value education? Do you value giving back to communities through volunteerism or entrepreneurship?

When you identify your values, then you can pick and choose communities that align with your values. There are plenty of activities that align with your values in your new city like hiking, yoga, video game clubs, book clubs, art studios, and seminars at local colleges and universities.

Topher Gen on the importance of making sex education inclusive for everyone – irrespective of sexuality.

‘Who can tell me what these are?’

Our teacher held a box out in front of us, shaking it vigorously.

‘Anyone?’

He left the question open to the class, his words hanging in the air.

We all knew what he was holding; it was a box of condoms, yet we sat anxiously clutching our desks. A minute later a boy yelled, ‘Rubber johnnies!’ and the class lapsed into fits of laughter whilst the teacher marched him out of the room.

Teachers had to be tough or they’d get walked all over – teens pounce on weakness. Asking a 14-year-old to stop chewing gum in class was one thing; asking them if they knew what a condom was quite another.

(Topher Gen says kids deserve better sex education at school )

Ignoring LGBTI sex issues

As our first sex education class went underway I had two thoughts. The first was I’d rather be made to box at gunpoint than sit through this class. The second: why is our teacher not just skimming over the LGBT side of it, but ignoring it all together?

I felt my back stiffen every time the mechanics of sex between a man and women were discussed. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with: just don’t rub it in my face.

But what I was more confused about was why they weren’t covering the guy-on-guy, or girl-on-girl side of it?

Why was everything done by gender? Why was the teacher using such sickening cutesy-poo language? This wasn’t educating me in the slightest.

Fast-forward a decade and LGBTI-inclusive sex and relationship education isn’t yet compulsory in British schools. What’s more, sex education not only excludes LGBTI-youth, but can also promote prejudice against them.

Sex education classes currently leave LGBTI youth vulnerable

High schools can be hostile environments, particularly for LGBTI youth. This hostility can often be amplified by lack of awareness and education on same-sex relationships.

Without properly exposing teens to LGBTI-inclusive sex education classes, we run the risk of spreading ignorance, perpetuating negative stereotypes and leaving LGBTI youth vulnerable.

Right now, puberty is typically addressed in public schools by mundanely separating the genders, telling girls and boys what will happen to their bodies as they begin to grow up. But, what if you aren’t cisgender? What if you don’t identify to the sex you were born?

By excluding vital pieces of information transgender teens won’t properly learn what puberty will look for them and, more importantly, how to handle it.

Body parts do not have genders, so hearing them talked about in a way that associates them with a gender they don’t identify with can not only be upsetting, but can lead to serious health issues – both mental and psychical.

Education on puberty specifically talks about males having a penis and women a vagina. How jarring is that for a trans youth?

If they already feel uncomfortable in their own body, then that kind of language can be extremely detrimental. You don’t have a male arm or a female leg: they’re just body parts.

Adrian and Clai just want their relationship to be recognized everywhere in Europe, regardless of borders.

A same-sex couple has taken the European Union to court this week in a rare grand chamber case calling for their relationship to be recognized – regardless of borders.

15 judges in the Court of the Justice of the European Union (CJEU) are now interpreting the word ‘spouse,’ in the context of EU freedom of movement laws.

Adrian Coman and Clai Hamilton are the couple at the center of this groundbreaking case. Ultimately, it is about getting recognition for their Belgian marriage, in Adrian’s home country of Romania.

‘The Romanian government refused to consider a residence in Romania for my husband Clai in 2013,’ Adrain tells Gay Star News. ‘So a positive decision would mean Clai can live in Romania with me.’

Specifically, the Court will clarify whether the definition of spouses includes same-sex couples.

The result of this would mean same-sex spouses have equal rights to reside in any EU member states.

The impact of the decision would change the right to same-sex spouses in five countries who don’t already give same-sex couples this right.

Poland, Bulgaria, Slovakia, Lithuania, and Latvia would have to recognize gay couples freedom of movement rights.

What will this mean for couples like Clai and Adrian in the EU?

Their legal struggle for this recognition of being a family has now been going on for over five years.

Adrian tells GSN without a change in the law Clai can only travel to Romania for three months, on the basis of his American passport.

‘Simply put, once Clai and I are in Romania, regardless of purpose we become strangers to each other in the eyes of the Romanian government.’

This can create difficult situations for gay couples in official scenarios like in healthcare. Adrian calls this discrimination based on sexual orientation:

‘When we are in Romania, if something happens to one of us, the other one won’t be “family” in the eyes of health authorities, banks etc. Therefore, our family life won’t be recognized by the state.’

One day the couple would like to move to Romania. But that decision for now, is in the hands of the courts.

Never underestimate the power of your story. It could change the world.

Growing up in Ohio, Raymond Braun wasn’t exposed to a wide LGBTQ community. Thanks to the power of technology, he was able to tap into the lives of others by watching their stories online. That inspired him to spearhead his own venture, which has led him to become one of the most successful gay Millennial media personalities.

Out magazine recently called Braun “one of the preeminent queer activists of his generation.” He topped Financial Times’s 2016 list of Top 50 Future LGBT Leaders, and was named to 2014’s Forbes 30 Under 30 list. As Logo’s inaugural political correspondent, he helped to establish the TV network’s election coverage.

One of the world’s leading social media influencers, Raymond Braun uses his following for good.

Braun founded his own consulting firm, RWB Media, which is focused on LGBT consumers and social outreach and counts several Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations as clients. Previously he led YouTube’s social media campaigns and programs aimed at LGBT users.

What does it take to build a media empire and to reach the masses through social media and digital tools? The media consultant breaks it down to three strategies: education, empowerment, and community building.

Even with the internet, says Braun, it was still difficult “for LGBTQ folks to learn about their history, learn about how they can get involved in the movement, learn about sexual health, and learn about what it means to be LGBTQ. I think it’s important for us to, first and foremost, use social media and digital tools to educate people about what is going on. What is happening in the political climate? What is at stake for LGBTQ people? How can we get involved?”

Then, Braun says, you have to empower people to “feel confident in who they are. Maybe they don’t see openly LGBTQ people in their own community or in their small town or in their church or school; but if they can go online and see lots of LGBTQ people who are living full, vibrant, interesting, diverse lives, I think that can inspire them. Or just, at the minimum, to know that they’re not alone. If we use social media to help empower and embolden and instill confidence in LGBTQ people, then those people will feel more comfortable coming out.”