Your relationships are a direct reflection of you. Attracting healthy, loving relationships is an important part of experiencing a life of abundance and happiness that we all seek. Are your relationships nonexistent, problematic or fleeting? Do you constantly find yourself dating the wrong guys? Are you seeking a deeper connection in your relationships? Developing a healthy and loving relationship with yourself and changing your beliefs is the key to attracting healthier people into your life. Who do you have to “be” to attract your ideal partner?
Dating Survival Tips for gay men
“I don’t think there’s enough passion between us”, “I don’t think we are a complete match”, “I’m not feeling a click”, “I don’t think there’s enough chemistry on my side”, “We’re not sexually compatible”, “I’m not ready for a relationship”, “It’s not you; it’s me”, “I’d like for us to remain friends”.
Oh…the perils of dating! We’ve all been on the giving or receiving end of these statements and it never feels good either way. Sometimes nothing is ever said, and the situation just fades away causing us even more confusion. Dating can be very difficult, especially in the online environments we often find ourselves.
So how do we take care of our personal well-being in dating situations?
Here are some dating survival tips to consider:
1). Date for dating’s sake – Get rid of the expectation of finding “the one” and just date. Meet people with the intention of getting to know them and learning about who they are. Avoid getting emotionally caught up too soon. Release the pressure and expectation that this might be “the one” for the long-term.
2). Actions don’t necessarily speak louder than words – We’ve all been told that “actions speak louder than words” but this isn’t always so. Be wary of interpreting someone’s actions as meaning that they are into you or that they actually want a relationship with you. Some guys may say sweet things, buy you flowers or gifts, treat you to dinner, introduce you to their friends and family or initiate sex as a part of their own dating rituals. These actions may hold no specific meaning to you whatsoever.
3). Have fun – Enjoy the process of dating. Put your best self forward and have fun. You cannot control another person’s thoughts, feelings or behaviors. You also can’t control the outcome of the experience. You can allow yourself to have fun! Be lighthearted about it all – stay in the moment, enjoy your dates and let go of your attachment to the outcome.
4). Stay focused on your life – Make time to plan activities apart from dating. Remember that dating is only one aspect of your life. Do other things that bring you pleasure and balance your dating life with other important life areas – having a rich full life makes you a very attractive person overall.
5). Learn how to handle rejection – It’s never easy to be let down but don’t personalize the rejection. Recognize that everyone has their own psychological issues and relationship histories that they bring into dating situations. If someone tells you they don’t want to go forward don’t make it about you. There can be any number of reasons that caused them to back out, and they probably have absolutely nothing to do with you. If you need to, you can talk about the experience with a friend, therapist or coach to help you to quickly move on.
6). Focus on your well-being – Take care of yourself every day by asking – What can I do to take care of myself today? Perhaps it’s exercising, meditating, or going out with friends or family. Do whatever is meaningful to
you. Make a commitment to yourself to do something each day that makes you feel good.
Finally, always remember what my grandmother used to say:
“Men are like buses, there is always another one coming”!
How to Move on in Your Love Life
You’ve been in your relationship for quite some time. Things have changed recently, and you’re beginning to doubt that it’s going to last much longer. You’re not even sure how you got to this point! What happened?
Warning Signs
There are many warning signs that a relationship is breaking down. Think back over the last few months and you may recognize some of these signs:
• Unnecessary criticism. Your partner blames you or attacks your character.
• Contempt. Nearly everything your partner says is a complaint or an insult.
• Avoidance. Your partner has begun ignoring or avoiding you.
• Being defensive. You don’t listen to what your partner says for fear of being hurt or them lashing out at you again.
Two or more of these warning signs could signal that it’s time to move on, but how do you do that?
Moving On
First, realize that the end of any relationship is similar to dealing with a loss of a loved one. You may go through the grieving process: denial, anger, ambivalence, depression, and recovery. This is normal and to be expected.
Give yourself some time to grieve and you’ll come out a stronger person on the other side.
Here are the top ten ways to move on in your love life after the end of a relationship:
1. Recognize and accept that the relationship is over. Don’t hold on when there’s nothing to hold on to.
2. Remove everything in your home that reminds you of them. Don’t keep sentimental items; they’ll only make you miserable.
• Put away valuable items such as jewelry or other gifts rather than throwing them away. You may want those items in the future.
3. If seeing your ex hurts, make it a point to avoid them. Sometime in the future you may be able to be friends, but now is not the time to try.
4. Don’t make financial decisions right after a break up. Your emotions may cause you to make emotional decisions. It’s better to wait until you’re on emotionally stable footing.
5. Avoid rebound relationships. Give yourself time to heal from being hurt before opening your heart again.
6. Focus on yourself. You may have spent so much time investing in the other person that you’ve let your own needs go.
• Learn to find out about yourself again.
• What do you like to do that you haven’t been doing?
• Do something special just for you!
7. Take up a new hobby. Now is a great time to start something new. Renew your interests in hobbies that you like, and spend time exploring new creative outlets.
• Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn rock climbing, but your ex was afraid of heights. There’s no reason to wait any longer. Go find an instructor and hit that mountain!
8. Don’t stay cooped up at home. It’s important that you spend time with friends who can encourage you and help you feel good about yourself.
9. Be friendly with people you find attractive. Smile, say hello, and act interested. You may not be ready to jump right back into a relationship, but you can always leave the door open for future relationships.
10. Work your way back to dating slowly. You may want to start out by double dating with a friend. Be up front with your date so they know what to expect.
Breaking up from a long-term relationship is never easy. Let’s admit it, it hurts. You can move on in your love life after a break up if you recognize the end, and then follow the ten steps given above. Soon you’ll find that you’re over your last relationship and ready for someone new.
(Image for illustrative purposes only)
Dating Survival Tips for gay men
“I don’t think there’s enough passion between us”, “I don’t think we are a complete match”, “I’m not feeling a click”, “I don’t think there’s enough chemistry on my side”, “We’re not sexually compatible”, “I’m not ready for a relationship”, “It’s not you; it’s me”, “I’d like for us to remain friends”.
Oh…the perils of dating! We’ve all been on the giving or receiving end of these statements and it never feels good either way. Sometimes nothing is ever said, and the situation just fades away causing us even more confusion. Dating can be very difficult, especially in the online environments we often find ourselves.
So how do we take care of our personal well-being in dating situations?
Here are some dating survival tips to consider:
1). Date for dating’s sake – Get rid of the expectation of finding “the one” and just date. Meet people with the intention of getting to know them and learning about who they are. Avoid getting emotionally caught up too soon. Release the pressure and expectation that this might be “the one” for the long-term.
2). Actions don’t necessarily speak louder than words – We’ve all been told that “actions speak louder than words” but this isn’t always so. Be wary of interpreting someone’s actions as meaning that they are into you or that they actually want a relationship with you. Some guys may say sweet things, buy you flowers or gifts, treat you to dinner, introduce you to their friends and family or initiate sex as a part of their own dating rituals. These actions may hold no specific meaning to you whatsoever.
3). Have fun – Enjoy the process of dating. Put your best self forward and have fun. You cannot control another person’s thoughts, feelings or behaviors. You also can’t control the outcome of the experience. You can allow yourself to have fun! Be lighthearted about it all – stay in the moment, enjoy your dates and let go of your attachment to the outcome.
4). Stay focused on your life – Make time to plan activities apart from dating. Remember that dating is only one aspect of your life. Do other things that bring you pleasure and balance your dating life with other important life areas – having a rich full life makes you a very attractive person overall.
5). Learn how to handle rejection – It’s never easy to be let down but don’t personalize the rejection. Recognize that everyone has their own psychological issues and relationship histories that they bring into dating situations. If someone tells you they don’t want to go forward don’t make it about you. There can be any number of reasons that caused them to back out, and they probably have absolutely nothing to do with you. If you need to, you can talk about the experience with a friend, therapist or coach to help you to quickly move on.
6). Focus on your well-being – Take care of yourself every day by asking – What can I do to take care of myself today? Perhaps it’s exercising, meditating, or going out with friends or family. Do whatever is meaningful to
you. Make a commitment to yourself to do something each day that makes you feel good.
Finally, always remember what my grandmother used to say:
“Men are like buses, there is always another one coming”!
How to Move on in Your Love Life
You’ve been in your relationship for quite some time. Things have changed recently, and you’re beginning to doubt that it’s going to last much longer. You’re not even sure how you got to this point! What happened?
Warning Signs
There are many warning signs that a relationship is breaking down. Think back over the last few months and you may recognize some of these signs:
• Unnecessary criticism. Your partner blames you or attacks your character.
• Contempt. Nearly everything your partner says is a complaint or an insult.
• Avoidance. Your partner has begun ignoring or avoiding you.
• Being defensive. You don’t listen to what your partner says for fear of being hurt or them lashing out at you again.
Two or more of these warning signs could signal that it’s time to move on, but how do you do that?
Moving On
First, realize that the end of any relationship is similar to dealing with a loss of a loved one. You may go through the grieving process: denial, anger, ambivalence, depression, and recovery. This is normal and to be expected.
Give yourself some time to grieve and you’ll come out a stronger person on the other side.
Here are the top ten ways to move on in your love life after the end of a relationship:
1. Recognize and accept that the relationship is over. Don’t hold on when there’s nothing to hold on to.
2. Remove everything in your home that reminds you of them. Don’t keep sentimental items; they’ll only make you miserable.
• Put away valuable items such as jewelry or other gifts rather than throwing them away. You may want those items in the future.
3. If seeing your ex hurts, make it a point to avoid them. Sometime in the future you may be able to be friends, but now is not the time to try.
4. Don’t make financial decisions right after a break up. Your emotions may cause you to make emotional decisions. It’s better to wait until you’re on emotionally stable footing.
5. Avoid rebound relationships. Give yourself time to heal from being hurt before opening your heart again.
6. Focus on yourself. You may have spent so much time investing in the other person that you’ve let your own needs go.
• Learn to find out about yourself again.
• What do you like to do that you haven’t been doing?
• Do something special just for you!
7. Take up a new hobby. Now is a great time to start something new. Renew your interests in hobbies that you like, and spend time exploring new creative outlets.
• Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn rock climbing, but your ex was afraid of heights. There’s no reason to wait any longer. Go find an instructor and hit that mountain!
8. Don’t stay cooped up at home. It’s important that you spend time with friends who can encourage you and help you feel good about yourself.
9. Be friendly with people you find attractive. Smile, say hello, and act interested. You may not be ready to jump right back into a relationship, but you can always leave the door open for future relationships.
10. Work your way back to dating slowly. You may want to start out by double dating with a friend. Be up front with your date so they know what to expect.
Breaking up from a long-term relationship is never easy. Let’s admit it, it hurts. You can move on in your love life after a break up if you recognize the end, and then follow the ten steps given above. Soon you’ll find that you’re over your last relationship and ready for someone new.
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