This one is for all my straight guys. I love you. I really, really do, but we need to discuss some heavy myths you have with my people. It’s kind of weird how often these myths come up in conversations, movies, TV shows, and books – perhaps that’s why you think they’re real. But hear it from the horse’s mouth… most, if not all, are total bullsh*t. Let’s start with these:
1. We all flirt with you.
Again, flirting is always going to be judged on the eyes of the man being flirted with. I can easily smile at someone in line at Starbucks no problem, but it’s they who decide to interpret it as flirting or friendly. Maybe you want gay guys to flirt with you, maybe you want to be able to say that all homos flirt with you (giving you a reason to be “uncomfortable” around us). Trust me when I say you’re not that hot.
2. We jerk off to you at night.
There have been plenty of times I’ve jerked it a few with my fellow straight guys in mind, but I’ve also seen some straight men nearly wet themselves after seeing a really nice car on the street – does that mean they want to f*ck it? Probably not.
There is a psychological pull that happens with straight dudes. The fact that you can’t have him makes him more wanted, but that doesn’t mean it’s always existent. To think that all gay guys want to get in your pants says more about your ego than it does for gay people. You should probably stop listening to your idiot friends and start using your noggin from time to time.
3. We’re always checking you out at the gym.
I mean, if you have a nice body, I’m probably going to be checking you out in the same way you’d be checking out a girl’s body. It doesn’t mean I’m going to run up to you and slap you on the ass and give you thumbs up. More than anything, we’re probably looking at your physique and how we, ourselves, can better our own gym routine. We are at the gym, after all.
4. We trash-talk behind your back to your girlfriend.
We might be super close to your girlfriend, but that doesn’t mean we’re talking smack. If anything, we’re probably listening to her talk smack about you. For me, I’m a great listener when it comes to my girls’ problems. Men issues usually require a tissue, a bottle of wine, and a nice venting session (from her to me). The last thing I want to do is add fuel to fire.
5. We’re all having sex with each other.
It’s probably way easier for gay guys to help each other out from time to time, but just because we’re gay doesn’t mean we’re sleeping with everyone in our circle. Similar to how you probably aren’t sleeping with every girl you know in the office, we’re not waving our penises in the faces of every gay man we know.
6. We wear our orientation on our sleeve.
I’ve never introduced myself as a “gay” anything. To be honest, I’m getting tired of the straight world labeling every gay person as an adjective. You probably don’t put the word “straight” before your occupation, so why should we?
Again, flirting is always going to be judged on the eyes of the man being flirted with. I can easily smile at someone in line at Starbucks no problem, but it’s they who decide to interpret it as flirting or friendly. Maybe you want gay guys to flirt with you, maybe you want to be able to say that all homos flirt with you (giving you a reason to be “uncomfortable” around us). Trust me when I say you’re not that hot.
2. We jerk off to you at night.
There have been plenty of times I’ve jerked it a few with my fellow straight guys in mind, but I’ve also seen some straight men nearly wet themselves after seeing a really nice car on the street – does that mean they want to f*ck it? Probably not.
There is a psychological pull that happens with straight dudes. The fact that you can’t have him makes him more wanted, but that doesn’t mean it’s always existent. To think that all gay guys want to get in your pants says more about your ego than it does for gay people. You should probably stop listening to your idiot friends and start using your noggin from time to time.
3. We’re always checking you out at the gym.
I mean, if you have a nice body, I’m probably going to be checking you out in the same way you’d be checking out a girl’s body. It doesn’t mean I’m going to run up to you and slap you on the ass and give you thumbs up. More than anything, we’re probably looking at your physique and how we, ourselves, can better our own gym routine. We are at the gym, after all.
4. We trash-talk behind your back to your girlfriend.
We might be super close to your girlfriend, but that doesn’t mean we’re talking smack. If anything, we’re probably listening to her talk smack about you. For me, I’m a great listener when it comes to my girls’ problems. Men issues usually require a tissue, a bottle of wine, and a nice venting session (from her to me). The last thing I want to do is add fuel to fire.
5. We’re all having sex with each other.
It’s probably way easier for gay guys to help each other out from time to time, but just because we’re gay doesn’t mean we’re sleeping with everyone in our circle. Similar to how you probably aren’t sleeping with every girl you know in the office, we’re not waving our penises in the faces of every gay man we know.
6. We wear our orientation on our sleeve.
I’ve never introduced myself as a “gay” anything. To be honest, I’m getting tired of the straight world labeling every gay person as an adjective. You probably don’t put the word “straight” before your occupation, so why should we?
7. We’re perfect wingmen.
For some reason, the whole idea of having a “gay best friend” has swung full force into the straight male population. They think we’re the bridge between them and females. In a way, we are. I have to admit, I’m the best wingman in the world, but I’m not going to let some creepy straight dude with bad breath and an okay body get anywhere near one of my best friends. Stop asking me at the bar, “Hey, can you hook me up with your friend?” It’s not going to happen.
For some reason, the whole idea of having a “gay best friend” has swung full force into the straight male population. They think we’re the bridge between them and females. In a way, we are. I have to admit, I’m the best wingman in the world, but I’m not going to let some creepy straight dude with bad breath and an okay body get anywhere near one of my best friends. Stop asking me at the bar, “Hey, can you hook me up with your friend?” It’s not going to happen.
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