One of my gay men friends is notorious for using Facebook to find hook-ups and establish relationships. He says using Facebook is the easiest way for him to find other men because he is not openly gay, and also does not feel comfortable expressing his sexuality in public. “Yes, I think using a social networking site like Facebook helps because it increases your chances that you will find someone that you can talk to. If you have a friend who has a friend that is gay, then you don’t feel uncomfortable messaging them online, and you can use this space to talk to them about your experiences,” he said.
When I asked him what tactics he uses to find men on Facebook he said, “I usually go on Facebook and search around for guys I know are gay, whether I’m friends with them or not. Or sometimes if I know a guy is gay I will look at their pictures. If I am looking at pictures of a guy I know is gay, and I see a different guy comment on the picture and say something like, “You look hot,” I usually assume he’s gay. I’m a really aggressive person online, so I’ll usually inbox the guy who commented and try and start up a conversation.” He told me that this strategy works most of the time, and that because he is a really outgoing individual, many guys are interested in talking to him.
Although he feels that Facebook has allowed him to build and establish multiple relationships, it has not always worked out for him. “I have gotten unlucky by using Facebook before. One time, I heard someone was gay, through the grapevine, and then messaged them on Facebook. I acted like they were gay and asked if they wanted to meet up or hang out. The response I got was, ‘I’m not gay.’ It was pretty embarrassing. So, even though Facebook works most of the times, it gets challenging when you haven’t met the person face-to-face to actually figure out if they are gay. With Facebook, you’re pretty much hoping that your friends will give you reliable information about someone they know is gay, so that you can message them without having any awkward encounters.”
He also feels that gay guy have limited selections in the real world, so Facebook and social networking sites gives individuals like him more choices. “Facebook helps because I can look up pictures of guys before I meet them too, and I’m picky, so if a friend suggests that I meet a guy, I can use Facebook to look up their information and look to see if I’d be interested in them. Because I feel like I have so many limited options, it helps to use social networking sites and the Internet to do research on these guys before I get involved with any of them.” One of the other hard parts to being gay, he said, is that it is harder to meet people out at social events, so using social networking sites allows him to make plans with other gay guys. “Facebook helps me to develop conversations and discussions because I can pick out the guys I know are gay and can approach. In the real world, it’s a lot harder to find relationships and hook ups because in the gay world you can’t necessarily just go up to someone and assume they’re gay. Many girls can just go up to guys in a club and chat them up or ask them to hook up, and it’s harder for us to do this because generally people assume most guys are straight.”
He also mentioned a smart phone app that is popular among gay men, called “Grindr.” He told me that the app is downloaded on the phone, and it serves as an individual’s own personal gay detector. For example, whoever has the “Grindr” app can see the location of others with the app, so if an individual is looking for someone who is gay, they use the “Grindr” app to see where gay people are located. With the rise of apps like “Grindr“, and other social networking sites, it is becoming increasingly easier and more comforting for gay individuals to express themselves and find others with similar interests.
When I asked him what tactics he uses to find men on Facebook he said, “I usually go on Facebook and search around for guys I know are gay, whether I’m friends with them or not. Or sometimes if I know a guy is gay I will look at their pictures. If I am looking at pictures of a guy I know is gay, and I see a different guy comment on the picture and say something like, “You look hot,” I usually assume he’s gay. I’m a really aggressive person online, so I’ll usually inbox the guy who commented and try and start up a conversation.” He told me that this strategy works most of the time, and that because he is a really outgoing individual, many guys are interested in talking to him.
Although he feels that Facebook has allowed him to build and establish multiple relationships, it has not always worked out for him. “I have gotten unlucky by using Facebook before. One time, I heard someone was gay, through the grapevine, and then messaged them on Facebook. I acted like they were gay and asked if they wanted to meet up or hang out. The response I got was, ‘I’m not gay.’ It was pretty embarrassing. So, even though Facebook works most of the times, it gets challenging when you haven’t met the person face-to-face to actually figure out if they are gay. With Facebook, you’re pretty much hoping that your friends will give you reliable information about someone they know is gay, so that you can message them without having any awkward encounters.”
He also feels that gay guy have limited selections in the real world, so Facebook and social networking sites gives individuals like him more choices. “Facebook helps because I can look up pictures of guys before I meet them too, and I’m picky, so if a friend suggests that I meet a guy, I can use Facebook to look up their information and look to see if I’d be interested in them. Because I feel like I have so many limited options, it helps to use social networking sites and the Internet to do research on these guys before I get involved with any of them.” One of the other hard parts to being gay, he said, is that it is harder to meet people out at social events, so using social networking sites allows him to make plans with other gay guys. “Facebook helps me to develop conversations and discussions because I can pick out the guys I know are gay and can approach. In the real world, it’s a lot harder to find relationships and hook ups because in the gay world you can’t necessarily just go up to someone and assume they’re gay. Many girls can just go up to guys in a club and chat them up or ask them to hook up, and it’s harder for us to do this because generally people assume most guys are straight.”
He also mentioned a smart phone app that is popular among gay men, called “Grindr.” He told me that the app is downloaded on the phone, and it serves as an individual’s own personal gay detector. For example, whoever has the “Grindr” app can see the location of others with the app, so if an individual is looking for someone who is gay, they use the “Grindr” app to see where gay people are located. With the rise of apps like “Grindr“, and other social networking sites, it is becoming increasingly easier and more comforting for gay individuals to express themselves and find others with similar interests.
0 Comments