For many of us the epitome of a great vacation is to be able to head somewhere warm, sit on the beach and watch the waves roll in.

There’s something incredibly soothing and relaxing about having the sand between your toes, the sun on your skin, and the water close by.

Here’s a quick guide to seven of the best destinations for a bit of gay beach time:

1. Mykonos, Greece

The Greek islands are a bit of a mixed bag – some are super quiet and romantic, some are over-developed and touristy. The island of Mykonos somehow strikes just the right balance.

This is one of the most popular Greek islands, and it has the reputation of being a bit of a party island. It’s a reputation that’s well deserved, but there’s a lot more to this sunny destination than just drinking and dancing.

The most famous beaches on Mykonos are probably Paradise Beach and Super Paradise Beach, but my favourite is Elia Beach. It’s a long beach lined with sun lounges, where you can base yourself for the day and the local waiters keep you plied with food and drink. The swimming here is perfect - deep clear water in which you can float and paddle and socialise.

Plus the old town is a lot of fun jut to wander through, deciding where to eat or where to get a drink. Mykonos is a total Mediterranean dream.

2. Biarritz, France

On the Atlantic coast of France, Biarritz is old school seaside glamour.

The surfing is good here and there is a loveable French-ness about the whole place.

Easy to get to on the train from Paris or you can fly. Hire a car to explore the region, or just spend your days enjoying the waves and learning how to surf.

3. Turtle Cove, Australia

Just near Port Douglas, up in the tropical far north of the state of Queensland in Australia, Turtle Cove is an idyllic tropical beach paradise.

Access to the beach is through the Turtle Cove resort, but it is a public beach so you don’t need to be staying at the resort to access it.

Lined with palm trees, and awash with warm golden sand, this is a clothing-optional beach where you can work on your all-over tan while admiring the dazzling blue water that stretches out to the Great Barrier Reef.

The downside of this part of the coast is that you have to watch out for crocodiles and stinging jellyfish, but somehow that doesn’t spoil the appeal of this beautiful destination.

4. Smith’s Beach, Australia

It is quite a journey to get to Smith’s Beach - it’s just near Margaret River which is a good three-hour drive south of Perth in the west of Australia.

Not only is the Margaret River area one of the world’s best wine regions in the world, but Smith’s Beach gives you great surfing and swimming.

The sun is usually baking so you can’t really do too much tanning here, and there have been a few shark attacks in this area so watch out for Great Whites and don’t go too far from the shore.

The introduction of a third party into the bedroom hardly raises an eyebrow in the gay community. The inevitable flirtation with the idea of a threesome has fluttered through the minds (and computer screens) of every gay man at one point in time. And how could it not? A threesome used to be something that was confined to the late night hours of a Saturday night or a winter getaway to Fort Lauderdale. But ever more often, we are seeing the guest star stay the night and even show up at the brunch table the next morning for what is typically reserved for gossip of the night before. Yes, threesome relationships have started to become a mainstream trend in the gay culture. However, it seems that it is only a matter of time after the third person hops into the bed that someone inevitably falls out.

Over the past decade, I have observed several of these “thruples” in action. Although the beginning might bring a spark that had all but fizzled out to an existing relationship, the spark typically leads to a flame that turns into a fire. Eventually, one of the three lovebirds is burnt all together and we’re back to two. The obvious burn victim would be the newest edition to the relationship. This may be true, however another common phenomenon has one of the primary bedmates being blindsided by a swift kick to the door.

In every gay man’s circle of friends, there is always that couple that is known for having a “California King” for a good reason. I know that in my gaggle, I can think of more than a few. Usually, there is one person in a relationship that has more of a wandering eye than the other. The other may enjoy the act, but is more concerned with keeping his boyfriend content (come hell or high sex drive). To this man, I offer a word of caution. Far too often I have seen this poor guy eventually annexed only to have the new fixation take his place on the Christmas card.

If you must allow your boyfriend to bring home strays, keep an eye on them and kindly prepare their belongings once you all have caught your breath. If you notice that your boyfriend is interested in cuddling afterwards, you may have a problem on your hands. Nobody wants to cuddle after sex unless there are feelings involved. Nobody.

Most LGBT ethnic minorities say they’ve faced discrimination, and bigotry on dating sites is a throwback to the 50s. The LGBT community must address this.

Racism is a serious problem within the LGBT community and needs to be addressed. Despite the determination of many minority ethnic LGBT people to do just that, it is not happening. “How can I be a bigot when I am myself a member of an oppressed minority?” is a prevailing attitude among some white LGBT people. But another far more pernicious reason is that the LGBT world revolves around white gay men to the exclusion of others. The rainbow flag is whiter than it appears.

“I’m sexualised for my skin tone and never treated as a person,” Saif tells me. “The community is trained to accept a white, ‘masc’, muscled gay man and the rest of us are not really accepted or ‘one of their own’.” It’s not the individual he blames, but being conditioned by a community that venerates the “sexual image of a white gay man”. According to research by FS magazine, an astonishing 80% of black men, 79% of Asian men and 75% of south Asian men have experienced racism on the gay scene.

This manifests itself in numerous ways. Some are rejected because of their ethnicity; on the other hand, some are objectified because of it. On dating sites and apps, profiles abound that say “no Asians” or “no black people”, casually excluding entire ethnic groups. It’s like a “bastardised ‘No dogs, no blacks, no Irish’ signs”, as Anthony Lorenzo puts it.

“On apps like Grindr,” writes Matthew Rodriguez, “gay men brandish their racial dating preferences with all the same unapologetic bravado that straight men reserve for their favourite baseball team.”

Homi tells me he has Persian ancestry, and is “sometimes mistaken for being Greek, Italian, Spanish, etc”. Once, at a nightclub, he was relentlessly pursued by a fellow patron. Eventually, he was asked: “Where are you from?” When Homi answered India, the man was horrified. “I’m so sorry – I don’t do Indians! Indians are not my type.”

And it is not simply a western phenomenon. Luan, a Brazilian journalist, tells me his country has a “Eurocentric image of beauty” and there is a “cult of the white man, which is absurd, given more than half the population is black or brown”. Others speak of their experiences of being rejected by door staff at LGBT venues. Michel, a south Asian man, tells me of being turned away because “you don’t look gay”, and being called a “dirty Paki”. He says it has got worse since the Orlando nightclub massacre, where the gunman was Muslim.

In my almost 50 years of LGBT activism, there has never been a time that worried me more about our struggle for equality than the current state of our movement. It shocks me to have to say that, since I was a member of New York’s Gay Liberation Front, the organization born from the ashes of Stonewall. We were the most dysfunctional organization to ever exist in the LGBT community. We fought among ourselves at every turn, and while we disagreed on almost everything, we managed to create a community that didn’t exist before. We nurtured it and celebrated it; we didn’t tear it apart.

In a time when corporate America and society in general are beginning to embrace diversity and inclusion, our community, which was born with those issues in our body politic, has reverted to words and actions that seem to turn us against ourselves.

(Recent battles over the rainbow flag and the Star of David have exposed long-simmering biases.)

There is no better way in illustrate this separation of insanity than Gilbert Baker’s rainbow flag. That flag, which was meant from its inception to represent unity of all peoples in our community, is now becoming a symbol of hate within our community. We’ve managed to weaponize against ourselves a flag that was meant to bring unity. It is splitting us apart on two major issues: race and anti-Semitism. It pains me to say those are issues we are still fighting in our community. Gilbert’s flag has become the punching bag for racist and anti-Semitic views.

Earlier this year the issue of racism in the community was raised in Philadelphia. It started with an age-old tradition of LGBT bars discriminately carding people at the door, along with a “dress code” that happened to exclude apparel that was most culturally relevant to the black and brown community. This is not a new act. It has gone on for years across the country.That action led to a citywide effort to examine and attempt to bring the community together. To boost that effort and show inclusion, a black and brown stripe were added to the city’s official rainbow flag. This caused a backlash. The line most heard from those opposed was “then there should be a white stripe.” The most diplomatic thing I can say about that is that it’s silly. It’s as silly as homophobes proclaiming after seeing a Gay Pride parade, “Why don’t we have a straight pride parade?" I’d actually call those who opposed the brown- and black-inclusionary flag the right wing of this community.

Now to other side. In Chicago last month there was the annual Dyke March. Dyke marches are held in numerous cities in celebration and pride about reclaiming that word. It had been a peaceful and inclusive event. This year, several women with rainbow flags bearing the Star of David were asked to leave the march. The “official” explanation was that the march supported the Palestinians and was opposed to what organizers described as the apartheid treatment that Israel gave to Palestinians living in the nation. In order to find a seemingly more innocuous excuse, they later claimed that the Star of David frightened other marchers. They further complicated their story by stating that a member of a group called A Wider Bridge, which works in our community to foster better relationships between the U.S. LGBT community and Israel, was behind the flags.

I’m quickly approaching my 25th birthday and have come to the realization that I’ve never been in a long-term relationship. And not for lack of trying. That's not uncommon among millennials, but as a Black gay man, I've begun to wonder how my race has affected my chances of finding love.

I like to think of myself as someone who’s adventurous when it comes to love and sex, someone who’d never rule out potential partners or new experiences. But when I discussed my issue with friends, other queer men of color, they all said I have a type: white men. I tried to deny it, but when I thought about my dating history, I realized that my friends were right. While I may flirt or develop friendships with other Black gay men, I’ve never seriously pursued a relationship with one. 

When I’m on Tinder, the men I’m more likely to swipe right are usually athletic white men between 21 and 30. And when I scroll through Grindr’s grid of faceless torsos, I find myself only messaging guys with complexions lighter than a paper bag. Even in person, when I’m trying to muster up the courage to talk to a cute guy, I first wonder if he’s "into black guys." I hate myself for even having to contemplate these things, and I’m now left asking myself: Why am I not drawn to other men of color?

And the more I think about it, the more complicated the answer seems.

I grew up closeted in a very religious community. The only gay people I saw in the media were white, and the few Black queer celebrities that I knew of, like Wanda Sykes and Michael Sam, were in interracial relationships. My childhood in the Black church led me to believe that Black people were inherently homophobic - a myth - and that the only Black men who were gay were on the down low or infected with HIV - also a myth.

Within my own family, I had two gay uncles who died of AIDS-related illnesses before I was 10. They were estranged from our family, partly because of their health and their sexual orientation. I never had the chance to speak to either one while they were alive, but I often wonder what advice or mentorship they could have provided me as a young Black gay male coming of age in such a sheltered environment.

“WHEN I’M TRYING TO MUSTER UP THE COURAGE TO TALK TO A CUTE GUY, I FIRST WONDER IF HE’S 'INTO BLACK GUYS.'”

When I finally came out in college, I was at a predominantly white school. Many queer folks were closeted, and of the few who were out, most of them were white. After graduating, I moved to New York, and though here I was able to find queer friends who are also people of color, we are still always in the minority at gay bars and clubs.

A friend of mine, who is Latino, once asked why I didn't approach Black men in bars. I replied, "Look around - I'm one of three Black guys here." There’s a clear lack of queer spaces in POC communities, and that definitely affects the ability of men of color to meet one another. But while the absence of queer POC-centric establishments is definitely an issue, many of the other Black men I see at gay bars around Manhattan and Brooklyn are booed up with white men, too. Could we all be perpetuating internalized racism by consciously, or even unconsciously, excluding Black men and other men of color as romantic prospects? And in doing that, are we only reinforcing the politics of desire that deem Black people less attractive?

When I read a recent essay by Michael Arceneaux, his words hit me hard. He questioned why Black men in particular want so desperately to be acknowledged as desirable by white men who have no interest in dating outside their race. He wrote, "As Black men, we need to value ourselves so much that no outside force, no prejudice - even one guised as preference - can make us feel second place." Clearly, this dialogue wasn’t only happening in my head.

A larger conversation about the racist, fat-phobic, and misogynist language of gay dating apps has also begun, which has allowed me to see that my dating prospects may also be a result of problematic societal messaging. Statements like "no fats or fems" or "no Blacks or Asians" litter profiles in hookup communities on Grindr, Jack'd, and similar platforms. Thankfully, marginalized queer communities have started to call out those hurtful comments as acts of discrimination rather than statements of preference. All of this has shed a glaring light on my internal struggle.

About a year ago, I came across an article entitled "28 Questions for Black Men Who Only Date White Men." Each question from the article was a damning indictment of my apparently not-so-simple dating choices. Do you feel more attractive dating white men? How do you view yourself? These questions forced me to think critically about my intentions with the relationships I sought out. 

It’s in way not due to a lack of ability or interest, but I want more than just sex!!! Trust me, I still have the urge and the idea of a great lay is enticing; however, I can’t fathom another one night stand. You can call me a romantic or old fashion, but being gay after 40, I’m looking for more than a body. I want a partner, a mate, more specifically, a guy who can come over for dinner and a movie. Nope, that’s not a euphemism for sexy times, it’s an invitation to good food and a movie that we can both enjoy. I actually want to watch the movie and not just have it as background noise while having sex. Readers…If you’re with me on this and want more than just sex – Here’s some thoughts on how to get it.

Meet his mind before his body

In today’s age of social apps galore (e.g. Grindr, Hornet, Scruff), way too often we’re meeting the guy physically before we meet him emotionally/intellectually. One way is to avoid any guy who starts the conversation off by sending you naked pics. He’s likely interest is in just sex and remember, we want more than sex! To avoid those into merely your physical attributes, put in your profile that you’re looking for dates not play. Don’t post any revealing pics (even a beach shot) and refuse to send any. If he still doesn’t get it, block him because he will never get the big picture. Ensure that the guys that you’re attracting are into your g rated pics and your online personality.

Be clear about your intentions

There’s nothing worse than a first date that lacks clarity. If you’re meeting up at 2 a.m. and you’ve just met online, then it’s likely that the intention is not for meaningful conversation but a booty call. If you spend the whole date talking about sex, your urges, fantasies, past experiences etc., then the guy has a right to presume that he’s going to get laid. Instead, be clear about your intentions from the get go. Do a coffee meet up and steer the conversation clear of sex. Talk about your work, your hobbies, your family, your goals, etc.

My whole life, I have related better to women than men. In my formative years, I sought girls out as friends and allies. I was never interested in sports and minimally athletic, so I always felt estranged from other boys, whose world seemed foreign and impenetrable to me.

With age, this schism widened, becoming a nearly insurmountable crater. I’d have one gay male friend here or there, but ultimately my world was made up exclusively of women.

The women I have befriended at various times in my life have, each in their own way, greatly impacted and contributed to my development as a person. These were intense friendships, like whirlwind romances that brought me to new places, opened my mind to new ways of thinking, and gave me comfort in times of loneliness.

(Illustrating images)

At this present time, all but one or two of my close friends are women. Without them, I would be a terminal hermit.

However, I regret not having more male friends, whether they be of the gay or straight variety. I feel that the overwhelming company of women has made me effeminate. I know how women think, but I don’t know how fellow men think. This is a problem when dating men, who still, for the most part, think like men.

In trying to come to terms with my own concept of masculinity in a homosexual context, I have so few frames of reference for understanding how I am supposed to be. My life has been so enveloped in a harem of women that I barely know how to make conversation with another man.

Until recently, this didn’t trouble me as I enjoyed feminine banter and my interests were almost exclusively feminine. But something has shifted and exercise fads, fashion shows, and the latest offerings from MAC Cosmetics no longer amuse me.

I was at a photo shoot last week and inevitably, as it always does, the conversation among the women turned to dieting and beauty - which specific ingredients they were avoiding that week, what holistic remedies they were rubbing on their faces. I abstained from conversation in favor of solitude.

The things women discuss amongst themselves are inane. The things men discuss together are usually equally so, but at least there is less conversing in general.

My relationships with women are based on shared interests and aesthetic values. I am attracted to beautiful women who incarnate glamour and style. I am fascinated by them, enthralled by their presence. As I am guilty of putting them on a pedestal, they are equally guilty of putting me in a Louis Vuitton pet carrier.

I had an intimately close friend with whom I used to spend every weekend. We were like an old married couple, we did everything together but have sex: happy hour dinners, baking and laundry on Sunday mornings, sunset walks on Zuma Beach, working out. Then there was an imperceptible line crossed; in the intensity and regularity of our relationship, she mistook me for her childhood Chatty Cathy doll. In retrospect, it seemed to happen all of a sudden, but it must have been gradual. She began calling me every day, sometimes several times a day to report the most mundane details of her life and dating minutiae.

At first I was sympathetic. I listened for hours on the phone about this guy she had just had dinner with, that guy that said hello to her on the way to the bathroom. Then it became overwhelming. I was dealing with my own depression issues at the time, and felt the double burden of carrying someone else’s while listening to her.

Let’s say you meet a guy who’s the total package. He’s everything you want in a man: handsome, genuine and with your sense of humor. After dessert you head back to your place for a second course.

The clothes come off and you wait for him to take control… he doesn’t. You wait for him to throw you on the bed… he doesn’t. You wait for him to grab your body and use it like a dummy… he doesn’t. That’s when it sinks in. You’re both bottoms. Despite his bulging muscles peeking out from under his shirt showing dominating-potential, unfortunately you let your imagination blindfold reality. Again.

As someone who believes balance is the secret to a long-lasting relationship, I think it’s important for it to translate into the bedroom. For many gay guys out there, unless your man is willing to give you what you need, it’s a useless effort. Two bottoms (or two tops) never seem to make it past the second date despite whatever feelings they had for each other. Can two men of the same position last?

It all depends on a man’s commitment. A satisfactory sex life is important in any relationship and to deny this to your man might give him the wrong idea about where you stand. When I’m with a man who’s opposed to trying anything except what he’s comfortable with, it’s easy to see it as a baseline of where his true feelings are.

At the same time, when I’m with someone who’s favorite position is the opposite of mine, it can be a huge relief. It brings us closer together since we’re both fulfilling our sexual needs without having to sacrifice comfort. For gay guys specifically, awkward sex has the potential to bleed into other facets of the relationship.

Let’s get down to specifics here. It’s all about penetration. Two bottoms can have fun without penetration, but most bottoms possess a need to please. For those who get more pleasure from pleasing than receiving, it takes away from the experience when they’re with someone of the same mindset – same can be said the other way around.

The sex lives of gay men are extremely important to a relationship. One Australian study found that 75 % of men said spontaneity is an important part of sexual chemistry. This can make things a bit difficult for gay guys who have busy lives. How can we set the imagination on fire? How can we keep the excitement from diminishing? How can we allow ourselves to be spontaneous without going overboard? The answers are more simple than you think:

1. Don’t be afraid to be hunted.

Human beings used to be hunters and gatherers. Men in particular share a similar trait: we want whatever is hardest to attain. This is why playing hard to get works so well. If something is so easy to have, it loses its value. The same can be said for sex. Don’t throw yourself on him or make it easy to get laid. Sometimes you need to lay back and let him inspect you. It builds the tension and causes an animalistic urge to hunt and pounce. Let him come to you, but first you need to give him some bait. Go get a sexy jock strap; or take a shower, put on a robe, and plant yourself in front of the TV. Let him smell you. Set his imagination on fire.

2. Affirm each others sexiness every day.

Affirmation from your partner doesn’t just tighten the bonds, but it increases confidence, which leads you both to make incredible spur of the moment choices. Self-belief is something that must be mandatory. Without it, we lack the necessary courage to make giant leaps of faith, including things as simple as reaching over and giving your man a kiss. Make your partner know (not assume) that you think he’s drop dead sexy. Sexual impulses will pour out of him as a result.

3. Cook a meal in sexy underwear.

This goes back to number 2 of being unafraid to be hunted. Men are visual creatures who love observing without anyone telling them what to do. Whip out your sexy underwear and let his imagination run wild. Your combing two of the sexiest things on the planet: cooking and underwear. You can’t lose.

4. Sneak attack him at your parents house.

Holidays and birthdays are a perfect time to be spontaneous because if there’s one place you’re expected not to have sex, it’s your freaking parents house! He will never see it coming so it’s sure to be a surprise. The best part is going back to the kitchen once it’s all over. Your disheveled hair and wrinkled shirt might do the talking for you, but at least both of you will have a good laugh and a hell of a funny memory.

5. Be more generous.

Generosity is key to opening the imagination. Someone who refuses to reciprocate oral sex or penetration will most likely cause his partner to become hesitant when making spontaneous sexual advances. If they don’t how you’ll react, chances are they’ll just give up trying altogether. Generosity opens up possibilities of adventure, so be more generous!

Guys love foreplay - If you do it right!
I often get questions about whether or not guys enjoy foreplay before sex.

The truth is this: They really enjoy it!

Foreplay is one of those sex activities that gets a bad rep for being something stereotypically designed to strictly satisfy women so they’ll “put up” with advances from their partner. Fortunately, this stereotype is entirely untrue. If you’re not attempting to make the most of your love making by having some hot, steamy foreplay before you get to the nitty-gritty with your guy, then you are missing out on a fantastic part of your sexual experience.

Foreplay isn’t just a “warm up” for ladies-it’s a portion of sex that involves both partners paying exclusive attention to what turns the other on. It’s a time for exploring your wants, desires, and even some fantasies that you’ve been secretly wanting to try out.

If you do foreplay right, then you are both going to enjoy love making a whole lot more.

But, what exactly is foreplay? Whether you have your go-to move, or you’re uncertain of where to start, there’s a way to get everyone involved in the fun so that you can both enjoy yourselves equally. There are ways to tease a man during foreplay that will turn him on like crazy, get him hungry with want for you, and even have him become absolute putty in your hands.

So, if you’re looking for a way to get your guy ultra turned on, then here are some hot foreplay tips just for him that will absolutely rock his world!

Here are 5 ultra-satisfying tips to make foreplay a top priority and turn "rushing into sex" a thing of the past:

1. Learn how to be a good kisser.

Too many people think that kissing is a boring foreplay technique. It's not boring at all. And if you do it with passion and intensity, then it can be incredibly hot! The key is taking the initiative. In other words, you need to kiss your man first before he gets a chance to kiss you.

One thing you can do to make this foreplay tip hotter is by getting a little more aggressive:

- Try squeezing one of his lips between your lips.
Gently bite one of his lips between your teeth (Remember: be gentle!).
- Use your hand to move his head to one side or the other so that you can change where you kiss him.
- Switch from kissing him on the lips to sucking his ear lobe to kissing him on the neck.
- Don't forget to kiss the rest of his body!

2. Look your best.

Remember, guys are visual by nature. They get turned on by what they see. So, taking care of how you look is a high priority if you want to turn your man on and arouse him. Think of this as a "pre" foreplay tip to use before you even begin touching him. If you are both going to a party together, dressing up in something sexy and hot is going to start turning your man on hours before you start getting physically intimate. This is great for building sexual tension with him.

Same-sex couples will hopefully be able to get married from October this year.

Germany's president has signed legislation legalizing gay marriage, his office said Friday, paving the way for the bill to take effect this fall.

Congratulations Germany!

Lawmakers approved the bill on June 30 in parliament's last session before Germany's September election. The move became possible after Chancellor Angela Merkel, whose conservative party had long been reluctant to budge on the issue, said she would allow its lawmakers to vote according to their conscience.

(The Bundestag debated the new law for more than a year.)

The presidential office said President Frank-Walter Steinmeier signed the legislation on Thursday. That means it will come into force Oct. 1 at the earliest.

Germany has allowed same-sex couples to enter civil partnerships since 2001, but until now has not granted them full marital rights including the possibility of jointly adopting children. The change brings it into line with many other western European countries.

In a recent poll, 83% of Germans backed marriage equality.

My very first women’s studies class: a clause so momentous, it requires no verb. The course title was actually Women’s Studies 101. I took Women’s Studies 101 the very first semester I was in college. I arrived without the slightest clue about what to expect, which did nothing to counter my lifetime’s worth of expectations. Since my early teens, I had been getting by on a haphazard assortment of Simone de Beauvoir, Anais Nin, and Bust Magazine. I was riveted by the idea of an expertly curated reading list. While we mostly deconstructed theoretical texts, we did do a unit on Stone Butch Blues, Leslie Feinberg’s classic tale of heartbreaking masculinity. It was a thrill to witness living humans discussing all of this.

I remember walking into the classroom on the first day, and sitting in the center of the front row. In high school I had been a slacker of the highest order, but I was not going to miss a minute of Women’s Studies 101. The seats began to fill up and once there weren’t more than one or two still free, our professor walked in, at which point I did a reluctant double-take: my Women’s Studies 101 teacher was a man, which is a story for another time, but let me say that my expectations were shattered. My sense of (unpleasant) absurdity met with a deep-seated outrage, and in that moment I lost a great deal of hope I hadn’t imagined losing in a women’s studies class.

My disappointment lasted a few weeks at least, but I would work through it. This, again, is for another time. Within minutes of class starting, it became clear to me that this disappointment had more to do with my own projections than it did with the professor’s abilities. He spoke with great eloquence about topics I had never heard a person speak aloud about. He drew diagrams illustrating intersectionality, as if concepts of identity and power dynamics weren’t abstract, half-formed thoughts at best treated like irritating conspiracy theories by those unlucky enough to have to hear about any of this; as if there was a science to it; as if feminism was real.

After a walkthrough of the semester’s course syllabus, our teacher stepped away from the blackboard, toward my desk. Standing in front of it, he surveyed the room. I examined him closely. I couldn’t establish a context for him; he didn’t fit into any of the categories for the kinds of humans I was used to categorizing, and I was still annoyed with him for not being a woman. I really didn’t know what to make of him. Then he addressed the class, instructing us each to take out a piece of paper and a pen and write down the moment when we all realized we were gay.

St Mary’s Cathedral in Glasgow will conduct wedding ceremony for couple from England, provost says.

The first same-sex marriage at an Anglican church in the UK is expected to take place in Glasgow later this summer.

St Mary’s Cathedral has become the first in the country to be given permission to conduct gay weddings, a month after the Scottish Episcopal church general synod voted overwhelmingly to allow its churches to host the ceremonies.

The vote resulted in canon law being changed to remove a doctrinal clause stating that marriage was between a man and a woman. On Thursday the Rev Kelvin Holdsworth, provost of St Mary’s, became the first Anglican celebrant to be registered to perform same-sex weddings.

(The Scottish Episcopal church general synod voted to allow its churches to host same-sex wedding ceremonies. Photograph: Marc Mueller/EPA)

Holdsworth said the cathedral had already had one booking from a same-sex couple in England who could not get married in their local Church of England parish. “We are glad to be able to welcome them and expect there will be many others who will follow them,” he said.

The congregation at St Mary’s were active in the campaign to allow gay marriage in Scotland. “I’m a gay man myself and so initially for me it was about coming out and then, having come out, it was about helping the church to come out,” said Holdsworth.

“The church was always a place that was good for me when I came out. It was a very supportive place and it seemed to me important to get the church to tell the truth that it was accepting about people in same-sex relationships and then gradually members in this congregation started to help in the push for gay marriage.”

Holdsworth said the cathedral was one of the most beautiful church buildings in the country and that the surrounding area was “buzzing”. “It’s a fantastic place to get married,” he said.

Following the vote in June, the bishop Andy Lines from Gafcon, which represents conservative Anglicans worldwide, told a press conference that the church was “not at liberty to tamper with [God’s] words” and that he would offer support to those “who wish to maintain the authority of the Bible”.

The self-proclaimed "Property Lovers" are back, and more perfect than ever!

PJ and Thomas, husband-husband stars of the new HGTV series Down to the Studs, have made incredible strides in LGBT-visibility as the first same-sex couple to host a show on HGTV. So, in celebration of their new show airing Monday, July 17 at 1p/12c on HGTV, we sat down with the couple to discuss their marriage, being gay in the south, their new show, and their major plans for the future!

PRIDE: Will you guys introduce yourself for us?

Thomas (pictured left): I’m 26, born and raised in Cleveland, Tennessee. I am a designer, though I will help occasionally help with demo. I am kind of the free-spirited, go-with-the flow one in our relationship. I’m a little more laid back and don’t stress too easily.

PJ (pictured right): I'm 31, born and raised in Cleveland, Tennessee. I am a licensed realtor and have a degree in construction management. I handle the real estate, with Thomas and I making all of the design choices together. I am extremely type A, so I like things structured and to the point, however I also like to cut-up and have fun with my team.

How did you guys meet?

Thomas: We met at a mutual friend’s get-together back in 2009. At the time, PJ was in a relationship and I wasn’t out yet. About 8 months later, when PJ’s relationship ended, PJ sent me a friend request on Facebook and then we started texting. A few days later I went over to PJ’s house and spent the night (...in the guest bedroom) talking about our past and what our dreams for the future were and we have pretty much been inseparable ever since.

What is it like living as an openly gay couple in the South?

PJ and Thomas: We feel very fortunate to say that it has been pretty normal for us to be out and in a relationship in our small, southern town. We haven’t experienced any prejudice or judgment (to our faces) since we have been together. Again, we feel blessed because we know that isn’t the case for a lot of couples in the south.

Figuring out how long to wait before you have sex with someone is a deeply personal question that is highly dependent on a wide variety of factors and conditions.

For example, if you’re looking for a man to enter into a serious, long-term relationship with, or if you’re even looking for a man you may one day marry, then you might prolong the waiting period before you slip between the sheets.

Sex is extremely important to a healthy relationship, but sometimes it’s wise to make sure it isn’t the only aspect of your relationship when you’re looking to build something with a little longevity.

However, if you’re just looking to go out and have fun and hook up with new guys, then waiting a long time to have sex probably doesn’t make a lot of sense.

You can’t be (safely, responsibly) slutty if you’re making every attractive guy you meet wait six months before the two of you get down to business. If you’re in the middle of an uncommitted stage of your dating life, then you really shouldn’t wait very long to hook up with the men you meet.

In other words, the only way to know how long you should wait before having sex with a man is to be pretty clear about what sort of relationships you’re looking for.

It sounds mechanical but until you set some firm goals about what you’re looking for from the men you meet, you can’t ascribe to any universal rule about how long you should or shouldn’t wait before having sex.

Should I have sex with someone I just met?

Define “just met.”

Should you have sex with a man you’ve been on one date with or whom you just met at a bar or a party and spent some time getting to know? Sure, why not. If you find him attractive, and if you’re at a point in your dating life where you just want to mess around, then you should absolutely go for it.

Should you have sex with a man you’ve exchanged three messages with on Grindr? Even if you’re in an exploratory stage of your life, this sort of automatic hookup falls in a grey zone.

Whatever your fitness and physique goals are, it is important to structure your programming in a way that allows you to meet those goals in the shortest time period possible.

You have a tremendous variety of tools in the tool box, and it is sometimes easy to forget that not all methods are effective for all goals.

Athletes training for their sport practice some high specific drills; training for fat loss requires adjustment of nutrition strategies, power lifters work on becoming skilled and efficient in their primary lifts.

Given these examples, is easy to see that none of these scenarios would really benefit from using strategies intended for the others.

And so, if your goal is simply to build a lean, symmetrical, attractive and sexy body, you have to gear your diet and structure towards those goals.

Here are 5 tips to help you along the way:

1. Focus on Building an X-Shaped Physique

When it comes to being physically attractive to the opposite sex, it’s important to understand that certain body dimensions are visually important, from an evolutionary perspective.

Our progenitors credited desirable traits like strength, productivity, and virility to corresponding physical attributes. While the society ‘needs’ may have changed in a way that no longer makes it ‘necessary’ to have the characteristics to succeed, to a certain extent we carry our ancestors tastes.

This means that physical traits which imply the presence of “mating qualifiers” are important for increasing your stock with the ladies.

To that end, an X-shaped physique means: broad shoulders, a narrow waist, and strong, well-developed calves.

For broad shoulders, focus on core movements that allow for maximal recruitment, such as the push press, as well as some isolation exercises to focus on the medial delts and increases width, such as lateral raises.

A narrow waist is primarily the result of a low level of body fat, obviously.

However, it is important to understand that the muscles around your waist respond to weight training in much the same way that all other muscles do: by growing!

So while I don’t ever advise avoiding certain exercises completely, I offer the caveat that one should avoid training rotational exercises with either heavy weight or high volume.

Strong, well-developed calves are not easy to come by. Calves are a notoriously stubborn body part to grow, so I recommend training them multiple times per week. Work your calves first in your training session, not last.

By focusing on these muscles and building a physique more in line with what our ancestors considered desirable (and let’s be honest, we still do), you are on the road to a sexier body.

2. Push Less, Pull More

In keeping with the ideas from above, the goal of training for sexiness should also include balance and symmetry. This not only should you train the right way, but also that you need to make a concentrated effort to avoid training the wrong way.

As men, we’re highly visual creatures. As trainees, this translates into becoming highly focused on ‘mirror muscles’ – that is, those you can readily see in any mirror.

Guys in general tend to do a lot more work on muscles like chest than back. I cannot begin to describe the drawbacks of this mentality.

Instead, I’ll focus on the main ideas of this post.

With specific regard to appearance, lopsided training which focuses on anterior (front) muscles over posterior (rear) muscles leads to pretty ugly imbalances.

In addition to this being a great way to get yourself injured, it can lead to a round, forward shouldered look that is not the goal of any training program I’ve ever heard of.

Keeping in mind the idea of building a sexy body, it’s worth noting that such a look is also decidedly unattractive.

Instead, we should focus more on the muscles of the upper back: latissimus dorsi, teres major, trapezius, et al. These muscles, developed correctly, will help pull your shoulders back, helping to create the broad shouldered look that men find powerful and women find attractive.

To prevent imbalances and help to create such a look, try to maintain a 3:2 ratio of pulling exercises to pushing exercises.

As an example, 3 sets of rows, 2 sets of bench presses.

Following this pattern, you are far less likely to develop unattractive imbalances; in addition, you will be less like to incur injury. And probably be more likely get naked.

He went against everything his school wanted him to do and was rewarded in the best possible way.

Jasper Behrends is a trans teenager who lives in northern Virginia and just graduated from high school in June.

As part of his art course, he had to devise a specific subject for his work, as well as a theme. His official concentration statement was: ‘How the people in my life relate to their gender and sexuality, especially in regards to body dysphoria.’

But then his art teacher thought it might be a little ‘inappropriate’ and what happened next is amazing. A viral tweet captured the internet’s attention and the rest is history.

Gay Star News asked Jasper to give us a rundown of how exactly it all played out.

How long have you been doing art?

I’ve been doing art for as long as I have been able to hold a crayon.

Ever since I was a kid, art has always been an outlet I use to express myself. It helped me through my parent’s divorce, it helped me through my depression and anxiety, and it’s now helping me through my transition and self exploration.

Your school’s administration told you to stop doing art that plays with gender and sexuality because it’s ‘inappropriate’ – how did this conversation go?

For those who don’t know, the AP Studio Art course is separated into two different segments: the Breadth section and Concentration section.

In the Breadth section, the student must show their range as an artist and mastery of space, shape, form, color, pattern, etc. In the Concentration section, the student gets to pick a specific subject and do an in depth study on it.

Each section contains 12 pieces and a complete portfolio is 24 pieces.

My official concentration statement was ‘How the people in my life relate to their gender and sexuality, especially in regards to body dysphoria.’

After starting my concentration, the school vice principal came to me after my art teacher informed the administration about my ‘potentially sensitive’ concentration subject. He said that although he had ‘no problem’ with the LGBTI theme, there is a ‘time and a place’ for ‘these things’ and that it did not belong in public schools.

He constantly reaffirmed to me that he ‘fully supported’ the LGBTI community, but made it blatantly clear that I could not bring it into the school.

I asked what specifically about it was ‘inappropriate’ because, at this point, I had only made one piece (Disconnection, which can be found on my website).

He told me that it was the nude breasts.

I told him that that was ridiculous because I had drawn tons of boobs in my breadth section and no one had even raised a finger. I also cited portfolios of students in the past who did things with nudity that weren’t forced to change their subject.

He claimed that the reason I couldn’t do my subject was because it ‘didn’t follow the school dress code’ and ‘just like how I can’t let a student walk in shirtless, I can’t let you do this stuff.’

Although I didn’t agree that art and school dress codes should be policed on the same level, I understood that this was obviously a risque topic.

I tried to compromise.

I asked: ‘Okay, so I can’t draw breasts. Can I draw shirtless guys though?’

Again citing the dress code, he said no.

The vice principal said that if I could tone it down, if I could make it more metaphorical, if I could make it so that the subject of transgender themes were ‘inferred’ and not so blatant, that I could continue.

‘But if I do that,’ I retaliated, ‘the entire theme of body dysphoria would be lost. This might make you feel uncomfortable, but it’s the everyday life of a transgender person. The point of this study is to show the raw, intense feelings of dysphoria.’

You meet a seemingly great guy either organically at a bar or online. You exchange numbers and begin texting. The conversation is effortless - you share similar tastes and make each other laugh. You go on an amazing date that lasts for hours, perhaps closing the restaurant you’re dining at down. He walks to you respective subway stop - you kiss and make plans to see each other again. You chat a bit via text for the next few days, but a second date never happens.

If you are a single gay man who lives in a large city such as New York City - you have had this happen to you before. Listen, living in a cities such as New York, San Francisco or Chicago is hard enough as it is. Work can be stressful, keeping up with friends can be a task and taking a few moments to relax can be fleeting. So why is it that gay men make dating so much harder than it needs to be?

Gay men are - for the most part - a great group of people. Of course we have a few bad apples (every group does) but we are talented, hard-working people who share a sense of community and have banned together in times of strife and prejudice. Why then are we so terrible to each other when it comes to finding a mate? Time and time again I hear horror stories of bad first dates, ghosting and people telling flat out lies to first daters. If it’s happen to myself and my friends, it has surely happened to you and yours, so let’s take a look at some of the disconnects we have in terms of dating and how we can fix them.

I have had many, many, many first dates in the past year and a half but very few second dates. Here are some of the reasons I have received for not being asked on a second date:

- I think we are looking for different things.
- I’ve very busy at work.
- I’m not in a position to date someone seriously right now.
- I (or you) have a lot of baggage.
- We must have misunderstood each other. It happens to me all the time.
- No response to a sent text message (ghosted.)

Let’s take a look at each other these excuses one-by-one and explain why they are not only bullshit, but excuses we should no longer use when breaking things off with someone. (We will get to the one and only excuse that’s applicable in not seeing someone again in just a moment.)

I think we are looking for different things:

This is a personal favorite of mine. For the past year or dating, I have made the conscious effort to Not state what it is I am looking for upon meeting someone in person or online. I am very happy to remain single. I have a wonderful career, great friends and an amazing family that keep me pretty busy. Should an awesome guy enter the equation - great. But a partner is neither going to define who I am or make or break my future. That’s my job. And so, on every single app I am on in the “looking for” category, I leave it unfilled. If someone reaches out to speak to me, I ask them what they are looking for because I am amenable. I am happy to have fun, meet new friends or go on dates in the hopes that it turns into a relationship. Therefore, if I am asked on a date with someone who is looking for something serious and I agree to meet them for said date and they then come back at me with “we are looking for different things,” I am going to call bullshit on you. If I said I was open to anything, I’m basically taking an a la carte approach to dating in hopes that if it works out, great. If it doesn’t, no harm no foul. And if you’re just looking to have sex, we can have fun.

Using “we are just looking for different things” as an accuse to get out of meeting someone for a second date is null in that: if you’re going on a date in the first place, the person you are meeting should automatically want the same things are do, if not similar. If not, then why go on a date in the first place? Clearly you’ve spoken to the potential dater beforehand, so you should know whether or not you’re on the same wavelength as far as what you’re looking for in a mate or partner is concerned. There are an endless amounts of ways for gay men to get their dick sucked in large metropolitan areas: going on a date with someone you have no interest in seeing again shouldn’t be one of them.

I was always told that going on dates in order to get to know someone you’re interested in is a surefire way to find a partner, if that’s what you’re looking for. So let’s be clear: if you ask someone on a date, it should be because you want to actually date them. Thereby making “we are looking for different things” a null excuse for not meeting again. This seems a pretty fair assessment to me. This excuse also does not work if you’ve never asked me what I am looking for. If you don’t know what I am looking for, we can’t possibly for looking for different things unless you’re a mind reader. If you’re looking for something other than a date - try being in honest in what it is you’re looking for. You may end up being pleasantly surprised by what you find.

First Dates star opens up about being offered an exorcism and how he found he was living with Tourette's.

Chances are if you’ve heard of Tourette’s syndrome, you just think it’s a disorder where people just swear all the time.

But there is one gay guy who is here to share with you the misconceptions you very likely believe, and the myths that should be broken.

Damian Friel, a 26-year-old student and mental health nurse from Derry in Northern Ireland, has opened up about what it is like to be a gay guy with Tourette’s syndrome, ADHD, anxiety and depression.

Having starred on Channel 4’s First Dates, a show which pairs people up on a blind date, he spoke with Gay Star News about what it’s like to date with Tourette’s and also the best way to treat someone with Tourette’s.

Friel is unusual in that he only really discovered he had Tourette’s as an adult, but in reality he has been living with it for a very long time.

‘When I was younger, I would have tics. My mum thought I had a problem with my ear,’ Friel told GSN. ‘But the doctor said nothing was wrong.

‘At 13 to 16 I used to have this habit of spitting quite a lot. It used to frustrate me, as it was disgusting, but I couldn’t control it.’

But at 21, Friel’s mental health went into a spiral and he was suicidal.

‘It just happened I was in a relationship at the time and that was on the rocks as well,’ he said. ‘The combination of that and my mental illness problems just became too much for me to deal with.

Every Guy Has a different natural build that responds to exercise and diet in different ways. Stockier guys (endomorphs) are often better at lifting and skinny guys (ectomorphs) make the best long distance runners, then there are those athletic guys (mesomorphs) in the middle that seem to be able to do whatever they want. Most people fall somewhere in between two of these body types, but it’s still important to acknowledge what your body might be predisposed to do. Don’t think of these natural traits as limitations – if there’s a will, there’s a way – but, for example, if you’re a classic endomorph, you’re going to need to make a lot of changes if you really want to run a marathon.

Ectomorphs - Skinny

“The guy that inhales doughnuts and doesn’t gain an ounce.” Ectomorphs are your chronically skinny guys – they tend to have a slight frame and have very quick metabolism. In general, they have a tough time gaining any sort of mass, whether it’s muscle or fat.

“If you’re looking to gain mass and size, you don’t have to focus on cardiovascular work, typically,” says trainer Todd Durkin, founder of Fitness Quest 10 and author of The Impact! Body Plan. If packing on weight is a priority, make sure you’re focusing on increasing and improving your strength training while also keeping nutrition in mind. As an ectomorph, if you’re not conscious about what you’re putting in your body, you may gain little to no weight at all, regardless of whether it’s muscle or fat (and you want some of both).

Durkin notes that protein and nutrition are important for guys of every body type, but ectomorphs need to be getting quality nutrients and calories in “every three hours.” He also recommends working the legs more often during your workouts. “It’s kind of the most surefire way of optimizing strength, through your legs.” Hone in on the large muscle groups like the glutes and quads to help you go about gaining size.

Mesomorphs - Athletic

“The guy that gains muscle when he walks into the weight room.” Perfect mesomorphs are those guys who are naturally good at everything, without even putting in the practice. They have an athletic physique, a strong bone structure and have a better innate ability to pack on muscle very well, while also being able to gain more fat than ectomorphs and less than endomorphs.

“These guys don’t really have to accept anything – they’re genetically blessed,” Durkin says. As a trainer for several professional athletes, many of whom tend to be mesomorphs, Durkin says that a combination of strength training and high intensity interval trainingwork best for mesomorphs who want to pack on muscle and improve cardiovascular endurance while burning fat. Durkin says that if there’s one thing a mesomorph needs to accept, it’s that they need to make sure they maintain that balance between strength and interval/cardio training. In his experience, many of them gravitate towards the strength training and end up gaining more fat than they would have hoped.

“They can get away with it for a while, but when [age] 40 hits, they can start putting on some extra weight because their metabolism isn’t as high as it was when they were 25,” he says.

After finding success with everything from "alternative lifestyle" stores to the earliest gay websites to the next generation of robotics, Andy Cramer and Al Farmer could be excused for wanting to retire to a quiet hamlet like Provincetown or Key West. But the husbands and business partners are just getting ready to roll up their sleeves, with the hope of making it easier for LGBT entrepreneurs like themselves to succeed.

Cramer and Farmer, based in San Francisco, are currently using their tech background to strengthen the mission of StartOut, a nonprofit that connects LGBT business owners and assists with mentoring and funding. They are also looking to help minority entrepreneurs through their own website, Alternative Spaces, by offering web and mobile development services.

(Andy Cramer and Al Farmer, who fell in love while helping gay and bi men find each other online, remain quiet pillars of the community.)

"We're really trying to change the dialogue by reporting the number of jobs made (by LGBT people)," Cramer says. "By reporting that this gay couple now employs 100 people in a small town, it's changing the conversation. If we don't change the conversation, they'll call us names forever."

Cramer has been working in the LGBT space for over 40 years. In the '70s, he founded and operated 10 Headlines stores, famous on Castro and Polk Streets in San Francisco, as daytime gathering places for the burgeoning queer community. The stores offered a welcoming and offbeat environment to meet, greet, and shop for "alternative lifestyle" merchandise - e.g., costumes, wigs, and toys - as it was known then. The stores featured same-sex couples together in store windows, a bold display for the time. Cramer pushed Halloween as an unofficial gay holiday, ran “Around the World” trip giveaway promotions, sold tickets to major parties and events, and ensured that every customer was treated with dignity.

By 1981, though, AIDS was starting to ravage San Francisco. The community mobilized rapidly, and the Headlines stores became centers of compassion and involvement. Two-thirds of the Headlines employees were living with HIV or AIDS, Cramer says. The workers split shifts into two-hour segments for employees unable to work longer hours and the stores donated warm clothing for patients suffering chills due to pneumocystis pneumonia. Baskets of condoms were displayed at every cash register, each selling for a penny, and over 8 million condoms were eventually distributed.

Meanwhile, Cramer worked with Tom Waddell, a former Olympian, to create the first Gay Games, to prove the community was more than the sick and dying. The experience of working at Headlines showed Cramer the importance of taking care of one's own.

"We were living in a war zone," Cramer says. "Organizing, supporting, and fighting back was what the community did alongside each other, long before there was any assistance from outside resources."

Andy sold Headlines in 1993, after discovering there was a way to reach far more LGBT people - the Internet. With no prior experience in technology, Cramer founded Gay.net, the first online site offering a graphical interface overlaid on a bulletin board service. The website was also the first uncensored online meeting place for gay and bi men, where they could be themselves and connect with others, even if they lived far outside the gay meccas.

Ever ask yourself how much lube is enough or what's the best sex position for a.nal?

Don't worry; we're all right there with you.

It doesn't matter if you're straight, gay, male or female, we've all wondered about the answers to our most burning gay sex questions (don't lie).

Sex between two men is a potpourri of options, explorations and experiences.

Some men love anal, some prefer oral, some prefer cuddling and most prefer it all.

Gay sex is hot (read: the hottest), but there are a ton of unanswered questions, misconceptions and stereotypes.

“My boyfriend and I want to try anal, but, like… how?,” my starry-eyed, totally clueless sister asked me earnestly over Thanksgiving dinner (boy, did my parents love that).

So, let's set the record straight. (Yes, sex positivity!)

You no longer need to fear.

Here are your most burning (for instance, does it burn?) gay sex questions answered.

1. Is foreplay important?

Yes, yes and more yes!!!

In my mind, cuddling, kissing and head are arguably better than penetrative sex.

2. Does bottoming hurt?

Let's not kid ourselves. At first, of course it will burn!

But that doesn't mean it always will (trust me, it gets better). It just takes practice.

At first it will hurt and it will burn, but not forever.

You've seriously gotta loosen yourself up. With anything, practice makes perfect.

The analogy for bottoming I like to use is piercing your ears. Once you've pierced them, you have to leave the earrings in so that your ears don't close up.

Similarly, with anal, you have to make sure you do it pretty regularly so that, yes, you don't close back up.

There will come a point when it doesn't hurt anymore. And then, it's just pure ecstasy.

In no time, you'll be a bottoming champ.

3. How much lube should I use?

This one depends.

If you or your partner are just starting to bottom you've got to use a lot. If you both have bottomed a lot, less lube will be required.

If you like things slick and slippery, use more lube. If you like the feeling of friction, less lube might be better for you.

Bottoming is hot. But, be careful, gents. Start slowly.

The best way to start bottoming is to use a lot of lube (read: a whole goddamn bottle, do not be cheap, buy the damn lube) and to ease your way onto your partner's dick.

Remember that scene in “Brokeback Mountain” when Heath Ledger manhandles Jake Gyllenhaal and tops the hell out of him and it goes smoothly and is so steamy and hot?

Yeah, that's not realistic.

That kind of rough, no-lube-kind-of bottoming your first time would tear you apart.

Jake would have had to be medevac'd from the side of the mountain.

Rom-com over.

General rule: Use more lube than you think you'll need.

4. Do you suggest barebacking or using protection?

It's all about being safe. If you aren't in a committed, monogamous relationship or you don't know your partner's results and status, then always be safe and use a condom.

No amount of pleasure is worth risking your health. Ever.

However, if you and your partner are both tested and you feel comfortable, barebacking can be an extremely pleasurable alternative to using condoms every time.

Plus, those condoms can get expensive!