The sex lives of gay men are extremely important to a relationship. One Australian study found that 75 % of men said spontaneity is an important part of sexual chemistry. This can make things a bit difficult for gay guys who have busy lives. How can we set the imagination on fire? How can we keep the excitement from diminishing? How can we allow ourselves to be spontaneous without going overboard? The answers are more simple than you think:
1. Don’t be afraid to be hunted.
Human beings used to be hunters and gatherers. Men in particular share a similar trait: we want whatever is hardest to attain. This is why playing hard to get works so well. If something is so easy to have, it loses its value. The same can be said for sex. Don’t throw yourself on him or make it easy to get laid. Sometimes you need to lay back and let him inspect you. It builds the tension and causes an animalistic urge to hunt and pounce. Let him come to you, but first you need to give him some bait. Go get a sexy jock strap; or take a shower, put on a robe, and plant yourself in front of the TV. Let him smell you. Set his imagination on fire.
2. Affirm each others sexiness every day.
Affirmation from your partner doesn’t just tighten the bonds, but it increases confidence, which leads you both to make incredible spur of the moment choices. Self-belief is something that must be mandatory. Without it, we lack the necessary courage to make giant leaps of faith, including things as simple as reaching over and giving your man a kiss. Make your partner know (not assume) that you think he’s drop dead sexy. Sexual impulses will pour out of him as a result.
3. Cook a meal in sexy underwear.
This goes back to number 2 of being unafraid to be hunted. Men are visual creatures who love observing without anyone telling them what to do. Whip out your sexy underwear and let his imagination run wild. Your combing two of the sexiest things on the planet: cooking and underwear. You can’t lose.
4. Sneak attack him at your parents house.
Holidays and birthdays are a perfect time to be spontaneous because if there’s one place you’re expected not to have sex, it’s your freaking parents house! He will never see it coming so it’s sure to be a surprise. The best part is going back to the kitchen once it’s all over. Your disheveled hair and wrinkled shirt might do the talking for you, but at least both of you will have a good laugh and a hell of a funny memory.
5. Be more generous.
Generosity is key to opening the imagination. Someone who refuses to reciprocate oral sex or penetration will most likely cause his partner to become hesitant when making spontaneous sexual advances. If they don’t how you’ll react, chances are they’ll just give up trying altogether. Generosity opens up possibilities of adventure, so be more generous!
6. Squeeze his upper thigh or groin unexpectedly.
It sends a message straight from his groin to his brain. You know what I’m talking about because you’re a man too. You know how it feels for a hand to casually sneak under the table and up your thigh – it’s exciting and creates an instant hard on. Your man won’t know what hit him, but don’t be an asshole and let it go too far. He won’t be able to stand for the next half hour and then what? Give him a brief squeeze and let him do the rest. When the imagination bubbles, the body is soon to follow.
7. Dressing room at the mall.
I’ve done this plenty of times and it never fails. It’s public, yet private. And no man goes into a dressing room expecting to get anything except a backwards view of his ass. I love the sneak attack scenario. You bring in a few changes of clothes and before you know it, you’re on your knees giving him a mouth-to-groin inspection. It’s surprising and exciting, plus you get to go to the food court and laugh about it afterwards.
8. Give him a B.J in his car.
This could be a little dangerous if you let it, but trust me when I say there are plenty of ways to make this happen. He might be a little freaked out at first, but the simple act of surprise will make him excited for more once it’s over. Don’t do it on the freeway, of course, but a little BJ on the way to some event is always going to be entertaining. Test it out.
9. Try various positions you haven’t tried before.
I’m all for some vanilla from time to time, but if you don’t change it up you will put a stint to each other’s imagination which will ultimately end spontaneity as we know it. Change leads to adventure. When you’re doing the same positions over and over again, it’ll become routine and no progress will be made. You might as well watch porn instead. Trust me, let your man know you’re open to try new things. Let him believe you are down with anything that’s comfortable. This will inspire him to put on his hunting face when it arises.
10. Become your polar opposite.
This works whether you’re a prude in your every day life or a saucy seducer. Do the opposite for a change one night and see what happens. The simple act of morphing into your polar opposite is enough to make him interested, and, dare I say, turned on. He’ll want to see, hear, and feel more of it. Every man likes something that’s new.
1. Don’t be afraid to be hunted.
Human beings used to be hunters and gatherers. Men in particular share a similar trait: we want whatever is hardest to attain. This is why playing hard to get works so well. If something is so easy to have, it loses its value. The same can be said for sex. Don’t throw yourself on him or make it easy to get laid. Sometimes you need to lay back and let him inspect you. It builds the tension and causes an animalistic urge to hunt and pounce. Let him come to you, but first you need to give him some bait. Go get a sexy jock strap; or take a shower, put on a robe, and plant yourself in front of the TV. Let him smell you. Set his imagination on fire.
2. Affirm each others sexiness every day.
Affirmation from your partner doesn’t just tighten the bonds, but it increases confidence, which leads you both to make incredible spur of the moment choices. Self-belief is something that must be mandatory. Without it, we lack the necessary courage to make giant leaps of faith, including things as simple as reaching over and giving your man a kiss. Make your partner know (not assume) that you think he’s drop dead sexy. Sexual impulses will pour out of him as a result.
3. Cook a meal in sexy underwear.
This goes back to number 2 of being unafraid to be hunted. Men are visual creatures who love observing without anyone telling them what to do. Whip out your sexy underwear and let his imagination run wild. Your combing two of the sexiest things on the planet: cooking and underwear. You can’t lose.
4. Sneak attack him at your parents house.
Holidays and birthdays are a perfect time to be spontaneous because if there’s one place you’re expected not to have sex, it’s your freaking parents house! He will never see it coming so it’s sure to be a surprise. The best part is going back to the kitchen once it’s all over. Your disheveled hair and wrinkled shirt might do the talking for you, but at least both of you will have a good laugh and a hell of a funny memory.
5. Be more generous.
Generosity is key to opening the imagination. Someone who refuses to reciprocate oral sex or penetration will most likely cause his partner to become hesitant when making spontaneous sexual advances. If they don’t how you’ll react, chances are they’ll just give up trying altogether. Generosity opens up possibilities of adventure, so be more generous!
6. Squeeze his upper thigh or groin unexpectedly.
It sends a message straight from his groin to his brain. You know what I’m talking about because you’re a man too. You know how it feels for a hand to casually sneak under the table and up your thigh – it’s exciting and creates an instant hard on. Your man won’t know what hit him, but don’t be an asshole and let it go too far. He won’t be able to stand for the next half hour and then what? Give him a brief squeeze and let him do the rest. When the imagination bubbles, the body is soon to follow.
7. Dressing room at the mall.
I’ve done this plenty of times and it never fails. It’s public, yet private. And no man goes into a dressing room expecting to get anything except a backwards view of his ass. I love the sneak attack scenario. You bring in a few changes of clothes and before you know it, you’re on your knees giving him a mouth-to-groin inspection. It’s surprising and exciting, plus you get to go to the food court and laugh about it afterwards.
8. Give him a B.J in his car.
This could be a little dangerous if you let it, but trust me when I say there are plenty of ways to make this happen. He might be a little freaked out at first, but the simple act of surprise will make him excited for more once it’s over. Don’t do it on the freeway, of course, but a little BJ on the way to some event is always going to be entertaining. Test it out.
9. Try various positions you haven’t tried before.
I’m all for some vanilla from time to time, but if you don’t change it up you will put a stint to each other’s imagination which will ultimately end spontaneity as we know it. Change leads to adventure. When you’re doing the same positions over and over again, it’ll become routine and no progress will be made. You might as well watch porn instead. Trust me, let your man know you’re open to try new things. Let him believe you are down with anything that’s comfortable. This will inspire him to put on his hunting face when it arises.
10. Become your polar opposite.
This works whether you’re a prude in your every day life or a saucy seducer. Do the opposite for a change one night and see what happens. The simple act of morphing into your polar opposite is enough to make him interested, and, dare I say, turned on. He’ll want to see, hear, and feel more of it. Every man likes something that’s new.
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