Let's start with a fact: There are lies, damn lies and statistics. Let's start with another fact: The news media does not understand this fact. A good illustration of these facts is the recent spate of news stories about how gay guy are happier than heterosexual men. These stories are based on a very small study publsihed in Psychosomatic Medicine. US News ran a story claiming:

"A new study has found that gay and bisexual men are less likely to be depressed and have psychological problems than heterosexual men."

Stephen Colbert riffed on the study saying it makes sense to him.

"Of course gays are less stressed. They don't have to deal with women."

The study also claimed to find that people who were out of the closet were less stressed and less depressed than people who were not out about their sexuality. Over at Huff Post live, I appeared on a show that argued that happiness comes from coming out publicly about your sexual secrets, whatever they are. Guests on the show argued that if you like to be spanked, tell everyone and you'll feel better.

Alas, none of this good news for gays and spanking fetishists is really backed up by the data in the original study, which, while intriguing, is hardly evidence that it is being out and gay that makes men happier (let alone women). The original study, published in Psychosomatic Medicine, doesn't really show much of anything for the general public. For one, the study recruited participants in Montreal, a large and fairly progressive city where being openly gay does not come with high social or economic costs. For another, it is based on 87 participants who were: primarily white, primarily with a post-secondary education and/or students, and very young (average age was 24.61). 

Congratulations to Democratic staffer Henry Munoz and his new hubby Kyle Ferrari!

He’s getting good at this!

Joe Biden has officiated at a same-sex wedding once again.

The former Vice President married couple Henry Munoz and Kyle Ferrari at the weekend.

Munoz is the Democratic National Committee’s national finance chairman. He is the first Latino to serve in the role.

It’s at least the second same-sex wedding Democratic icon Biden has officiated at.

Hollywood actress Melanie Griffith was a guest. She was quick to share a super sweet shot of the nuptials on Instagram.

Confusingly, Griffith shared a photo of the couple earlier this month in which she said they were marrying that evening.

This suggest they may have had two ceremonies.

She captioned the second snap: ‘My dearest friends Henry Munoz and Kyle Ferrari were married today by VP Joe Biden.

It's normal to want to be liked at school or in the workplace, to enjoy yourself, have fun with your friends, and to expect a safe environment where people are equally valued and respected. Bullies can stop people from fitting in and feeling safe, and leave victims lacking confidence and feeling very much alone.

I was bullied at secondary school for three years because I wasn't like the other boys. I didn't like football, preferred the company of girls, and was softly spoken. I was gay. Although not open about it then, a group of pupils knew I was different and used it as justification to bully me.

Why do people bully each other?

Bullies are people who enjoy, for one reason or another, abusing and undermining another person or people. Often bullies target those who they notice as different. Examples of difference include being gay, being from a different racial background, or looking different in some way. The bully may also feel that their victim is weaker than they are: physically, emotionally or both. Bullying based on the victim being gay is known as homophobic bullying.

Bullies exist for many different reasons. A popular and overused explanation is that bullies are insecure people who work out their problems - gaining the power and confidence they lack - by making victims of others. The bully may feel he or she has to act tough to impress his or her friends, who may be bullies too. Maybe the bully has aggressive and unsympathetic parents: growing up in a house where there is violence, a lack of love and positive attension, can produce a very angry and aggressive person who communicates in the only way he or she knows how. Sometimes the bullies are victims of bullying themselves and have a lot of anger and hurt to deal with. It is also true – and seldom admitted - that some people simply get a kick out of humiliating and tormenting other people and this is all the justification they need. Some people just aren't very nice but that doesn't mean they can't change.

Whatever the bully's background may be, nobody deserves to be their victim and it's not your fault if you are.

Am I being bullied?

Bullying comes in many forms. It can range from name calling and verbal abuse to being physically attacked. Other forms of bullying include:
- Having rumours spread about you. 
- Having your possessions tampered with or stolen.

- Being deliberately excluded from a group.

- Pranks performed on you that others find amusing but make you feel uncomfortable.
- Being pushed or intimidated into doing something you don’t want to do.
- Having rumours spread about you.
- Having your possessions tampered with or stolen.
- Being undermined and made to feel less valued than others
Constant criticism.

It’s not easy to pull off a modestly funded movie. So how does a little project like Getting Go manage a seven-out-of-10 stars rating on IMDB?

This romance is remarkable for the believability of the world, the two leads, and the gradual development of their genuine affection over the course of several nuanced dialogue scenes (sprinkled throughout otherwise fairly sensational imagery).

It helps that much of the film is the “recordings” made on a handheld camera by the character Doc (Tanner Cohen), as he pieces together the life of his friend Go (Matthew Camp), and it looks appropriately homemade, in context. It has a lot of footage of go-go dancing, images of full-frontal nudity, a fair amount of groping and kissing, and some nicely rendered sex scenes that offer enough detail to feel authentic but not so much they feel forced. The filmmaker strikes a nice balance between fantasy and reality - which is mimicked in the two lead characters, one of whom is sincere to the point of being inhibited, while the other struggles to become someone deeper than his body-obsessed livelihood requires.

The back and forth between the two men has moments of tenderness punctuated by bursts of anger and disappointment. For Doc, this is his first love, and he wrestles with issues of trust and control. Go, on the other hand, sees Doc as a conquest, who, ironically, because of his reluctance to jump straight to sex, manages to elicit an emotional connection from him that could (gasp) lead to a long-term relationship. The stylistic choices underscore the investigation of what love and sex looks like to each of these young men, and without revealing the ending, suffice to say they both come away from the experience fundamentally changed.

In the warmer, longer, lazier days of summer, the living may not be easy, but your life probably feels less chaotic. Even adults tend to adopt a "school's out!" attitude in summer. That's why this is a perfect time to improve your health in a fashion so seasonally laid back you'll barely notice the effort.

To get you started, We went to eight health experts in fields such as diet, fitness, stress, vision, and oral health. We asked them this: If you could only suggest one simple change this season to boost personal health, what would it be? Here are their top eight tips.

1. Give Your Diet a Berry Boost

If you do one thing this summer to improve your diet, have a cup of mixed fresh berries - blackberries, blueberries, or strawberries - every day. They'll help you load up on antioxidants, which may help prevent damage to tissues and reduce the risks of age-related illnesses. Blueberries and blackberries are especially antioxidant-rich.

A big bonus: Berries are also tops in fiber, which helps keep cholesterol low and may even help prevent some cancers.

2. Get Outside to Exercise

Pick one outdoor activity - going on a hike, taking a nature walk, playing games such as tag with your kids, cycling, roller blading, or swimming - to shed that cooped-up feeling of gym workouts.

And remember, the family that plays together not only gets fit together - it's also a great way to create bonding time.

3. Get Dirty and Stress Less

To improve your stress level, plant a small garden, cultivate a flower box, or if space is really limited, plant a few flower pots - indoors or out.

Just putting your hands in soil is "grounding." And when life feels like you're moving so fast your feet are barely touching the stuff, being mentally grounded can help relieve physical and mental stress.

4. Floss Daily

You know you need to, now it's time to start: floss every single day. Do it at the beach (in a secluded spot), while reading on your patio, or when watching TV - and the task will breeze by.

Flossing reduces oral bacteria, which improves overall body health, and if oral bacteria is low, your body has more resources to fight bacteria elsewhere. Floss daily and you're doing better than at least 85% of people.

LGBTQ youth are not safe in school - and attempts at protecting them continue to be hotly contested. In March, the U.S. Supreme Court decided not to hear the appeal of a lower court’s ruling in favor of Gavin Grimm, a transgender boy who petitioned for access to the boys’ bathroom at his high school, and sent it back to the lower court for further consideration. In April, the Virginia Supreme Court upheld the inclusion of sexual orientation and gender identity in Fairfax County Public Schools’ nondiscrimination policy. In 2016 alone, there were more than 200 pieces of legislation challenging the rights and privileges of LGBTQ individuals, many of which involved schools. Our nation's education secretary, Betsy DeVos, refused to say on Wednesday whether she would stand up for LGBT students (see below).

A recently released RTI International study sheds new light on the school safety issues facing LGBTQ youth. The study, which examined two decades of research on victimization among LGBTQ youth, uncovered a troubling picture of the environments LGBTQ students face in schools.

Physical and verbal bullying of LGBTQ students is commonplace. In a representative sample of eighth-graders in Washington State, 14 percent of boys and 11 percent of girls reported being bullied because of their perceived sexual orientation in the past 30 days alone. LGBTQ students are two to three times more likely than their peers to be physically assaulted or threatened at school. The threat of hate-related victimization during school-age years was described in potent detail by LGBTQ adults who participated in focus groups with the Henne Group and RTI in four cities across the U.S:

“In high school, they will throw you around a bit, push you. Then throw you in the car and take you five miles out of town and strip you to your underwear and let you walk up to town.” - Gay male focus group participant in Wyoming (September 2016)

Such experiences have very serious consequences for students who are victimized, according to research in a wide variety of settings and with many school populations. Students who experience anti-LGBTQ bullying are significantly more likely to report depression and suicide attempts, skipping school, poorer school performance, and dropping out of school. Victims of anti-LGBTQ bullying tend to fare worse than students bullied for other reasons, perhaps due to the ways that hate-related victimization reinforces existing perceptions of hostility (e.g., hearing homophobic comments at school).

We all have preferences on who we are attracted to. They can’t be totally controlled. I eventually accepted my preference. Some people like many types of gay people – young, old, fit, fat, straight - acting, fem, drag queens, twinks etc. and some people just like Bears.

I like Bears. I can’t help it. Some of my close gay friends don’t understand why. But I don’t understand why they like skinny guys who complain all day that they are a 32 inch waist and not a 30.

Bears come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, and interests.

Bears are one of the fastest growing new subcultures in gay America.

Most of today’s bears see themselves as challenging what they consider the unrealistic norms of gay mainstream society, which push idealized and unrealistic images of gay men.

“One reason I think there’s been such an explosion of interest and activity around the bear community is that a lot of gay guys, as they get older, find [they put] on weight and don’t find themselves fitting the model of the svelte, young guy,” said Stevo Harris, publisher of “A Bear’s Life” magazine. “They look around for new models - and they discover there’s a bear community in which men have real bodies, not the fantasies you see on television.”

Commercial advertising has never been the compass of authentic culture, as highlighted by Pepsi's massive blunder with Kendall Jenner, which attempted to depict a contemporary political protest. When there's big budgets, the mass market inevitably takes precedence, making for watered down campaigns with commodified narratives designed to speak to the largest demographic possible.

But the wider the reach, the farther from reality marketing typically veers, actively pushing idealized storylines to the forefront that ironically reflect narrow audiences. 

Just look at Google Home's new ad, which has been largely praised for its inclusion of two gay dads-exactly the type of response they'd hoped for, winning them that coveted LGBTQ credibility. Unfortunately, the company's weak attempt at normalizing queer families fell victim to the same issues in Pepsi's controversial spot, both glossing over pressing social issues with a painfully palatable treatment.

For the public to rally behind a protest, they need to see a perfectly packaged assembly of loving humans, when in reality, such events are draining and, in many cases, monotonous. For the public to rally behind gay parents, they similarly need to see a white, attractive, cisgender male couple with visible affluence and two flawless children-the perfect all-American archetype.

Why being asked a question about his 'wife' helped one gay man realize the importance of being himself – especially at work.

Depending where you live in the world, being out as LGBTI may not be easy. In some countries, it’s positively dangerous.

Even if countries where being gay is legal and rights are protected, we all know that coming out is not a singular, one-off process. We often will find we have to come out again and again.

Sometimes, it just feels easier to keep quiet.

That was the situation that businessman Michael Cox, from Harlan, Kentucky, found himself in on a plane flight a few years ago.

The reason?

He found himself squeezed into a seat next to another man, ‘Who was clearly a businessman, dressed in a suit, salt and pepper hair, much like me. About the same size.’

‘I realized as our thighs rubbed together that I probably shouldn’t tell him that I was gay’

He told the story in a new video from I’m From Driftwood, the unique, online archive of LGBTI voices and experiences.

‘And we were on about a six-hour flight across country, so I was going to be really close to him for about six hours. So as we’re about to make small talk, he asked me about what my wife does.

‘And I realized as our thighs rubbed together that I probably shouldn’t tell him that I was gay. So I actually made up a story about my wife being a school teacher.

‘Now, at the time, my partner was a school teacher, so I just changed the gender. But I told him this story about my wife and literally changed every pronoun for the comfort of him so that we could sit next to each other for that six hour flight.’

After finishing their small talk after about half an hour, Cox says he reflected on the conversation, and his response, for the remainder of the flight. He felt uncomfortable over the fact he had not been honest.

‘I’d really betrayed my own relationship and who I really was. So I decided at that point I wouldn’t do that again.’

‘I knew that that wouldn’t look like I was being authentic’

A few years later, he was reminded of this when he took another business flight, this time for a new firm.

‘I was working for a new employer … headquartered in Bentonville, Arkansas, the heart of the south. And I was traveling there on business.

‘So it was my first trip to meet my new colleagues – I had been with the company for about two months – and I was flying from San Francisco, California, basically the cradle of the LGBTQ community in the universe, to Bentonville, Arkansas.

How often do gay couples have sex? One, two, three, maybe four times a week? How many times does a heterosexual couple have sex? We did a little research and what We found out might surprise you.

Sexual Expectations

It's not unusual to equate the health of a relationship with how frequently you're having sex. When relationships settle in over the years, the frequency of sex can decrease, giving rise to increasing insecurities.

But the Washington Post reported in 2015 on a study that found that gay men in same-sex relationships tend to communicate better than heterosexual couples, particularly when their relationship may be troubled, and other statistics seem to indicate that this may result in them having sex more often, even as the relationship ages or runs into difficulty.

The Reality

In truth, straight, married couples have sex about seven times a month. Do the math. That's works out to less than twice a week. So if that's the par for you in a gay relationship, you can take comfort in knowing that you're not alone in what may seem like a stalled run.

So what's going on? Regardless of sexual orientation, sex drives are at their peak when we're young, so age has something to do with it. If you and your partner are in your late fifties, you might find that you've slowed down a little since you were in your twenties.

And as mentioned, both gay and straight couples tend to have sex less frequently in long-term relationships. A "sex rate" of three times a week or more for gay couples in the first two years of a relationship is almost 70 percent.

It drops to less than 50 percent for straight couples and to about 33 percent for lesbian couples. In other words, gay men in short-term relationships have about 20 percent more sex than straight men in shorter relationships, and more than double that which lesbian couples are enjoying.

But the numbers nosedive for couples who have been together 10 years or longer: Just above 10 percent of gay couples still have sex three times a week, under 20 percent of heterosexual couples enjoy this frequency, and this drops to about 1 percent for lesbians.

The stats were gathered from various studies that took place from the late 1990s through 2011. 

Europe has a history of attracting people whose identities were degraded or flat-out denied by other Western countries. As early as the 19th century, cities like Paris and Berlin became sanctuaries for free-spirited women, African-Americans seeking better treatment, and LGBTQ communities looking for a place to express themselves without fear.

Despite the unifying laws of the European Union - an intergovernmental organization that includes 28 countries - European nations vary greatly when it comes to protecting the rights of LGBTQ people.

The Netherlands has blazed the trail for gay rights worldwide, becoming the first country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage in 2001. Meanwhile, Italy had no form of civil union for LGBTQ people until 2016.

The country in Europe that offers the best legal and political protections for LGBTQ people is Malta, according to a report by human rights group International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA), and co-sponsored by the European Union.

Situated in the Mediterranean Sea between Sicily and North Africa, Malta is perhaps best known for its bright blue waters, ancient architecture, and a natural stone arch that recently crumbled into the sea.

ILGA used six metrics to determine their rating: legal gender recognition, protections against hate crimes and hate speech, equality and non-discrimination, family laws, safe civil society space, and the right to asylum.

If you can identify at least two, if not more, of these signs, it could indicate that you have a chance with them. This is the foundation for coming up with the right plan to reconnect with your ex to repair a once-broken relationship.

This information is not a simple guide to show you how to have a successful relationship. It is also not a get-your-ex-back guide. It is simply to help you understand more about what they might be feeling, and also some guidelines that might be helpful for you as you try to proceed.

The Signs

1. You still have feelings for them.
2. You talk frequently.

3.You and your ex stay in touch.
4. Your ex waits a few weeks to get their stuff back from you.

5. Your ex contacts you first.
6. They frequently show up where you are.

7. They contact you more than you contact them.

8. They seem comfortable with you when talking or ask about your social life.
9. Your ex calls you for random reasons.
10. They ask you if you're okay or if you're dating anyone.
11. They act differently around you.

12. Your ex can't look you in the eye.
13. You continue physical intimacy with them on a regular basis.

If You Want Your Ex Back

Here are some quick tips if you want your ex back. These are all easier said than done-but their purpose is to make sure you don't give over all of the power and decision making in the relationship to them.
1. Do not be the first one to contact them. Let them reach out to you. (Especially if they broke up with you.)
2. Do not offer to give them their stuff back. Let them ask for it.
3. Do not sleep with or be physically intimate with them because this can get tricky later on.
4. Do not initiate contact with them more often than they initiate contact with you.

1. You Both Still Have Feelings for Each Other

If you dated for a long time, it's likely that you have a deep emotional attachment.

The longer you were in the relationship, the more of an emotional impact it will have on you when it ends. When you commit to a long-term union, you share memories and experiences that will forever be a part of you both.

In the time immediately following a breakup, it is natural for you to put all of your focus on the negative things in the relationship. However, it is very important to realize that the emotions and feelings you had for your ex will not go away immediately. Your heart is not a light switch. The emotional bond will still be present.

Scotland - The Church of Scotland is preparing to take a significant step towards same-sex marriage.

The Kirk's General Assembly - gathering in Edinburgh - will be asked to approve more work on how such weddings could take place in church.

Equal marriage remains a divisive issue within the church.

Since 2014, Scotland has allowed same-sex couples to marry but individual church traditions can each decide whether to participate.

A report on the issue prepared for the General Assembly invited the church to take stock of its history of discrimination against gay people and to apologise "individually and corporately".

Moderator Designate the Reverend Dr Derek Browning said: "On Thursday afternoon the theological forum will be bringing a report to the General Assembly, and this year what they're asking to do is for the assembly, first of all, to consider making an apology to the gay community for things that have have been said in the past and the assembly will have to make up its mind on that.

"But also it's going to be asking our legal questions committee to see what the issues are round about allowing ministers to perform same sex marriage if they choose to do so, and equally for safeguards for those who, for conscience sake, feel that this is not something they can do."

Dr Browning added: "Over the years the assembly has been very well aware that on both sides of the debate, very strong things have been said and therefore an apology certainly within the Christian context is always important because there's been hurt caused on both sides of the debate.

"Hopefully we're in a position to move forwards, but that will be for the General Assembly to make its mind up on, on Thursday."

In the past few years, a number of predictions have declared the end of the beard. “Sorry guys, beards are over,” said the website Mashable. “Beards Aren’t Cool Anymore,” said Vice.

But beards are still here - at the Oscars, parading down catwalks and on regular guys. Could it be that beards are more than a fashion statement?

Science suggests that facial hair - from scruffy day-old stubble to full Grizzly Adams - is imbued with social messages, and can play a significant role in a man’s love life.

Last year, researchers from the University of Queensland in Australia decided to explore male facial hair to determine what role, if any, beards play in sexual attractiveness, masculinity and short- and long-term relationships.

The team gathered data from 8,520 women, who were divided among three groups. Each group of women was shown pictures of men with varying degrees of facial hair. The images, which had been manipulated by the research team to show the same men more or less bearded, showed the men with clean shaven faces, light stubble (five days of growth) heavy stubble (10 days of growth) and a thick beard representing about one month of growth.

Next, each group of women was asked to mull a different question about the man’s sex appeal.

The first group rated the men’s beardless-to-bearded faces for overall sexual attractiveness.

The second group also rated the photos, but this time they were asked to score the pictures based on short-term attractiveness: Which of the men seemed most desirable for a fling or a one-night stand?

The third group rated the men in the photos as long-term prospects: Which of the men had a face that suggested he might be a good candidate for marriage and commitment?

The answers, which were published in the Journal of Evolutionary Biology, varied depending on what the woman was looking for. Overall, the women said the sexiest men were those sporting heavy stubble, followed by short stubble. Men with full beards and clean-shaven men were rated the lowest on the overall sexiness scale.

What kind of man is most attractive to a woman looking for a short-term fling or one-night stand? Men with light stubble won that contest, closely followed by men with heavier stubble, suggesting that the scruffy look appeals to women looking for fun, but not commitment.

Sorry bearded men (and the gay mens, ladies who love 'em), but the end of the craze is here.

For the longest time now beards have not only been considered "en vogue," but were also considered, by ladies, hot, sexy, manly, and all the rest of those adjectives one uses to describe truly desirable things. We even gave you some very valid reasons as to why dating men with beards is pretty much one of the greatest things ever-not just for looks but for health reasons, too.

It was like beard mania! Women and gay men just couldn't get enough of furry faces, so much so that some guys who couldn't grow facial hair were actually getting beard transplants. That's how serious everyone's beard addiction had become!

But now it is with a heavy heart that I have to tell you that it looks like all of this is about to come crumbling down. Things are looking bleak for the beard trend. It seems, and it saddens me to report this, that the beard overload is creating a backlash against the beloved facial hair. And it's no longer sexy.

According to a study done by an Australian university, the more "fashionable" beards become, the more indifferent ladies are to them.

This is how the researchers at the University of South Wales came to their conclusion: They showed female participants picture after picture of bearded men, only to discover that after being inundated by all the furry-faced dudes, the women began to find photos of clean-shaven men more attractive and more sexy.

The same thing happened when they showed these pictures in the opposite order, with clean-shaven first, then followed by bearded ones. It was found that women were naturally drawn to what was more rare.

Italy - "There's nothing else to say: it's definitely a flop." This was the introductory sentence to an article from liberal Italian newspaper La Repubblica when reporting on the scarce number of homosexual civil unions ever since the law came into force nearly a year ago.

The author states that the low numbers are "surprising," especially considering "the extremely hard battle ... to approve this law. This is undoubtedly the most divisive law of the legislature."

"The gay civil unions law caters to a tiny fraction of the population whose demands are based solely on its deviant behavior."

This might come as a surprise to La Repubblica, which supported the legalization of homosexual civil unions during the entire campaign, but it is simple common sense to the ordinary folk. The creation of legislation mimicking a millennial institution based on natural law has become a legal right, an obligation that tramples on a nation's sovereignty - all to cater to a tiny fraction of the population whose demands are based solely on its deviant behavior.
It's a small portion of the population but an incredibly powerful lobby. 

As soon as La Repubblica published its analysis of the official numbers (2,802 civil unions in almost a year, far from being a "civil rights emergency"), Monica Cirinnà, the senator who sponsored the law, declared, "I am astonished to read that an important newspaper affirmed that 2,800 unions are a flop. ... They are, in a country where the cases of homophobia are not isolated, a sign of courage from people who went out there and reaffirmed they are citizens with full rights." She continued, "Secondly, these numbers are consistent with all the data from other great European countries." 

A new Europe-wide comparison shows that Germany continues to lag behind its Western neighbours when it comes to LGBT rights, which advocates say is a problem given its outward message of tolerance to the world.

The annual Rainbow Europe report on Wednesday showed that Germany remained at about the same position as it did last year compared to the rest of the continent, falling behind 13 other countries including Croatia, Sweden and Austria.

Malta retained its pole position as the most gay friendly nation in Europe for the second year running after introducing a gender identity law and ban on harmful conversion practices.

The report ranked 49 countries based on their laws pertaining to same-sex marriage, adoption, rights for transgender people, and more. Germany managed to cover just over half (54 percent) of the rights and protections analyzed.

The report did laud the Bundesrepublik for moving forward last year and this year on plans to wipe the criminal records of gay men convicted under a Nazi-era law, offering them compensation. Thousands of men found guilty under this law - which remained in place after the Second World War - are still alive.

But unlike countries like Spain and the Netherlands, which have offered equal marriage and adoption rights to same-sex couples for over a decade, Germany still does not grant same-sex marriage. Adopting a child together is also restricted for gay and lesbian partners.

“There has been absolutely no movement in Germany, but other countries have really pushed ahead with marriage equality and adoption,” explains Katrin Hugendubel, advocacy director for ILGA-Europe, which wrote the report.

“Germany has been in a very comfortable place. It is considered a good place to live for LGBT people, but actually it has not been as proactive as other countries.”

And Hugendubel says this is a problem in light of the country's outward message of tolerance and human rights that it projects to the rest of the world. Chancellor Angela Merkel, who has voiced opposition to same-sex marriage, recently rebuked Russian President Vladimir Putin over the reports of harsh persecution, detention and torture of gay men in Chechnya.

Premartial counseling for gays is an emerging topic. The truth is that had you asked me while I was growing up that I would see the day when marriage for LGBT folks would become a reality I would have laughed in your face. As a gay man, it just never seemed like it could be possible. Well, all I can say is things have changed – and fast!

Not only is marriage legally available to gays and lesbians here in Chicago, Illinois but also in 36 other states (and counting)! One of those states is Wisconsin – the place where I recently witnessed my daughter tie the knot with her partner in December of 2014. I can tell you it was probably one of the happiest days in my life.

Gay Marriage New Reality

The new and wonderful reality of same sex marriage has also been interesting to witness from the counseling perspective. While there are some fundamental differences between gay/lesbian relationships in contrast to their straight counterparts, there are also many similarities. One universal similarity is the enthusiasm I typically see when a couple decides to marry. Let’s face it – regardless if you are straight or gay – making wedding plans and getting ready for the “big day” is exciting! 

Marriage Myths

What’s different, however, for gay and lesbian folks is the newness of marriage. Just knowing that marriage is possible can be psychologically overwhelming. This new reality can sometimes cause even the closest of gay/lesbian couples to get so caught up in their long awaited wedding plans that they forget about the days that follow after saying, “I Do” Here, I am talking about common marriage myths.

Gay Premarital Counseling

Sorry to burst your bubble folks, but unless properly addressed, the challenges that exist before you get hitched will still be there after the Cook County Clerk issues your marriage license. This may not be something you have thought of before but perhaps you should? This point is particularly true when you consider that while gays and lesbians can now marry, they can also get divorced. Yes – that is happening too!

What follows are seven solid reasons why gay and lesbian couples need pre-marital counseling. This list is not intended to be exhaustive but does cover some of the biggies. Some of what appears here may seem obvious while others points will make you think. Read them all so that you can absorb their deeper meaning.

Getting the perfect body requires a strong commitment to a healthy diet and exercise program. Luckily, as a man, your muscle mass makes it easier for you to lose fat and build muscle than a woman. However, it's unrealistic to expect to get the perfect body really fast. Fat loss and muscle growth take time. Consult your doctor before making drastic changes to your eating and exercise habits to discuss how best to reach your goals.

Perfect Diet for a Man

Although it's tempting to just eat just steak and eggs, for the perfect body, you need more than just protein. A well-rounded meal plan gives your body the right nutrients to support muscle growth and fat loss - a healthy balance of protein, carbs and fat. For muscle building, aim for 10 to 35 percent of calories from protein or 0.5 to 0.8 grams per pound of body fat. So, for example, a 185-pound man needs 93 to 148 grams of protein a day. In addition to eggs and steak, poultry, fish, yogurt, milk, tofu and beans also provide protein. Include protein with each meal and snack to meet needs and preserve and promote muscle growth.

Skipping carbs or fat won't help get results faster. These nutrients provide energy, and if you're not getting enough, your body may break down muscle for energy. At least 50 percent of calories should come from carbs such as whole grains, fruits and vegetables. Nuts, seeds, vegetable oils and avocados are healthy fat choices for your diet plan. Aim for 20 to 35 percent of calories from fat.

The number of calories you need depends on your current weight, height, age and activity level. Plug your information into an online calculator to retrieve your calories needs to maintain your current weight; then, subtract or add calories depending on whether you're trying to lose or gain weight. To prevent loss of muscle, do not eat fewer than 1,800 calories a day.

Sculpt the Body You Want

Whether you have weight to lose or you simply want to bulk up, weight-training shapes and builds muscles to help create your ideal physique. Use free weights, weight machines, body weight or medicine balls to work out your muscles. According to the American College of Sports and Medicine, men should weight train two to three days a week for fast results. Include eight to 10 exercises, aiming to hit each of your major muscle groups - arms, legs, chest, back, shoulders, legs and abs - at each workout, completing eight to 12 reps of each exercise. As your strength improves and your muscles grow larger, increase the weight or number of reps to continue to challenge your muscles to reach your fitness goals. If you're not sure where to begin, consult a fitness professional for assistance developing a plan that's tailor-made for you.

In the popular discussion of gay sexuality, anal sex looms large. It is invoked to deny gay people equal rights. It is used to categorically ban them from donating blood. Gay men are labeled by type based on whether they prefer to give or receive it. A new study hopes to propose a more nuanced picture of what gay men actually do in bed.

In the Journal of Sexual Medicine, researchers from Indiana University and George Mason University surveyed nearly 25,000 gay and bisexual men in an effort to better understand how they experience sex. 

The study hopes to combat "the almost exclusive focus" on HIV in most academic research on gay male sexual behavior, as well as to increase understanding of the "diversity and complexity of these men’s sexual lives." To do that, they asked gay and bisexual-identified men ages 18 to 87 to chart their most recent sexual experience. 

Did it involve kissing, cuddling, masturbation, oral sex, anal sex? Did it happen with a boyfriend, spouse, stranger, or sex worker? Was it in a car, a home, a club? Were condoms used?

The results: Despite the popular perception, "sexual behaviors involving the anus were least common," researchers found. Around 75 percent of participants reported kissing their partners, giving oral sex, and/or receiving oral sex in their most recent sexual encounters. By contrast, only 36 percent of men reporting receiving anal sex and 34 percent of men reporting giving it. 

Half of participants who engaged in anal sex employed a condom. The most common series of activities in the encounter-reported by 16 percent of men-involved "holding their partner romantically, kissing partner on mouth, solo masturbation, masturbating partner, masturbation by partner, and genital–genital contact."

From Spain to Germany to the USA – which Pride around the world have you always wanted to try?

Sponsored: Pride season is officially upon us – and while it’s always great to join the celebration in your own country, it’s also amazing to see how it’s done overseas!

In fact, it can be quite a show of solidarity to stand up for LGBTI rights abroad. Trust us, you never forget your first time…

If combining Pride with a spot of international travel is firing up your wanderlust, now’s the time to get planning.

Head to the Go-Heathrow search portal to hunt for the best flight deals to your destination of choice. But first, here are the deets on four of the biggest worldwide. Get those diaries cleared!

1. NYC Pride – 23-25 June 2017

Parade day: Saturday 24 June

Last year, a record 30,000 people marched in the Big Apple. The total number of attendees, including those cheering from the sidelines, was estimated at a mind-boggling 2-2.5 million. This year’s festival will be more protest-focused, with everyday people who’ve made a difference to the queer community picked as Grand Marshals over the usual celebrity choices.

These include Geng Le, Blued creator and leader of LGBTI equality in China, the trans activist and firefighter Brooke Guinan, director of Community Relations at Gay Men’s Health Crisis Krishna Stone, and The American Civil Liberties Union team.

Meanwhile, bringing the glamor is How Do I Live? singer LeAnn Rimes, one of this year’s headliners. The Grammy Award-winning country music star will take to the stage at the free PrideFest party on Hudson Street on Sunday 25 June.

Meanwhile Years & Years plus Tegan and Sara will be performing at the Pride Island music festival.

2. Madrid WorldPride – 23 June-2 July 2017

Parade day: Saturday 1 July

It’s been voted the world’s most gay-friendly country. And this year marks marks 40 years since the LGBTI demo in Spain. Fitting, then, that given the growth of the Pride movement in the country, this year its capital plays host to the roving WorldPride festival.

Based in and around Madrid’s thriving Chueca neighborhood, organizers are expecting up to 3 million people to flock to the world’s most epic LGBTI party of the year. The event will also have a serious side, beginning with the Madrid Summit: A World Conference on Human Rights to be held at the Cantoblanco campus of the Autonomous University of Madrid.

The number of same-sex parents is rising, but gay men continue to face incorrect stereotypes and prejudices when they consider adopting a child, writes Patrick McAleenan.

I am the fifth in a line of Patricks in my family, but, as a gay man, it’s unlikely I will carry on the name.

My parents accept my sexuality but I know one of their biggest disappointments is that I probably won’t continue the lineage. I think that goes for many parents of gay men: their main issue or sadness at their son's sexuality is the prospect of no grandchildren, rather than any stigma attached to having a gay son. Thankfully, I have brothers who have already fulfilled in the grandchildren department, with more hopefully yet to come.

Men are not supposed to want kids as much as women do – but that's a generalisation that smacks of pub logic. I have met many guys who long for babies as much as women do, and there are excellent examples of gay men raising children. There's never been a better time for gay men to start a family in the UK. The law is on our side and research has shown that children with same-sex parents, on the whole, enjoy the same quality of upbringing as those from other families. So what’s stopping more gay men having children, either naturally or through adoption?

Figures show the number of same-sex couples adopting children in England has doubled in the past four years. According to the Department for Education, the number of same-sex couples adopting rose from 3pc in 2009 to 6pc in 2013. Campaigners say that many more adoptive parents are needed for the thousands of children waiting to be placed who are currently in care.

Canada - The Supreme Court of Bermuda ruled today that same-sex couples have the right to marry, bringing to a close a years-long drama over marital rights in the British island territory.

The case was brought by a Toronto-based Bermudian and Canadian gay couple, Winston Godwin and Greg DeRoche, who filed their challenge last July. Although they could marry in Canada, they preferred to marry in Godwin’s home country Bermuda.

On May 5, 2017, the court found that Bermuda’s Human Rights Act took primacy over the Matrimonial Causes Act, which bars same-sex marriage. The court ordered that Godwin and DeRoche be given the right to marry.

Godwin has been living in Bermuda for the last several months as his Canadian visa had expired, while DeRoche continues to live in Toronto. While the long-distance relationship has been difficult, DeRoche says he’s excited to be reunited with Godwin, either in Bermuda or Canada.

“We’ve been very supportive of each other and very optimistic, and having the court case and fighting for something larger than our relationship has brought us closer together,” DeRoche says.

“The decision that was made today represents something bigger than ourselves. It shows that you can love whoever you "choose" to love and that love will be acknowledged and more importantly protected. Today love won!” Godwin wrote on Facebook after the decision.

DeRoche says he found out about the court’s decision via text message from Godwin while he was at work.

“I was overjoyed and excited and I kind of felt out of place in my office, because it’s a quiet atmosphere and I had to contain my enthusiasm,” he says. “Winston and I need to talk about what our next steps are at this point.”

It is not clear yet if the government of Bermuda plans to appeal the decision to the territory’s Court of Appeal or to the Privy Council in London.

The situation for LGBT people in Bermuda had gradually been improving over the last few years. Discrimination based on sexual orientation was banned under the territory’s Human Rights Act in 2013. Following that, the Supreme Court issued rulings allowing same-sex couple adoption in 2015, and allowing bi-national same-sex marriages to be recognized for immigration purposes last year.

For Bermudian LGBT activist Adrian Hartnett-Beasley, the ruling is an opportunity to draw a line under divisions that have wracked the island community for years.

“Now, more than ever, both sides - and everyone in between - on the marriage equality debate need to collectively move Bermuda forward. Working together can only be good for Bermuda's future,” Hartnett-Beasley says.

The ruling will allow Hartnett-Beasley and his Irish husband, whom he married in New York, to obtain the full suite of residency and citizenship rights on the island.

“Having been involved in two of the legal cases relied on by [Justice] Simmons, we are proud that the courts are building out a more just and equal framework, where the legislature failed us,” he says.

Last May, the government held a referendum asking the public if it approved of same-sex civil unions or marriages. Voters rejected both options by 2-to-1 margins, but turnout was too low to be binding.

It’s actually quite simple – so simple that there is nothing to it. I can always, or almost always, tell if a man is gay or bisexual. It’s as clear as air. Obviously, some men are effeminate, so that’s suspicious. Yet there are many effeminate straight men out there – I’ve met them.

One surefire way I can always tell if a man is gay or bi is how he acts when he’s around me. Gay and bi men always, or almost always, give off a sexual vibe when they are around me, like they are sexually attracted to me. If I’ve spent quite a lot of time around a man and never got that vibe, I generally say he’s not gay or bi. I haven’t been wrong yet.

This is really the most obvious thing on Earth, so you would think that stupid straight men would figure this out. Yet I’ve had male friends who knew me for years, through countless girlfriends and dates the size of parade, guys who I spent a very long time with, even took long overnight trips with. Of course I never gave off any gay vibes towards these guys because I don’t play that way. Even after knowing me for over a decade, I had very good friends insist that they always thought I was gay.

As I said, gay and bi men give off vibes. A man who has a lot of girlfriends and dates is almost certainly not gay. That’s dubious. And if you’re around a guy a lot, you can tell if he likes women or not.

There’s an old friend of mine named DN. Everyone always called him gay because he’s pretty, sensitive and soft. But I spent a lot of time with him, and I knew he liked women as much as any man who ever lived.

You can tell when a guy likes women. It’s so obvious that I don’t understand why it’s controversial. When there are pretty women around, they look. They talk about women. Their eyes light up when they see women or talk about women.

Larrain now hopes to not just fight for LGBTIs in his country, but also other underserved communities that may have slipped through the policy gaps of the Chilean system.

(This story first appeared in The Santiago Times, in which Darius Zheng is also a special correspondent of. Darius is also an LGBTI activist who is currently based in Santiago, Chile. Permission has been obtained to share this story with Gay Star News as part of a monthly collaboration between GSN and The Santiago Times to feature the work of LGBTI activists from the Latin American region.)

You might have seen an article we ran three weeks ago on a group of Chileans turning up in pink triangles outside the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in the Chilean capital to protest against the gay concentration camps in Russia’s Chechnya. If you remember that story, then perhaps you may also have some recollection of a mention of Luis Larrain in the article, who organized the protest. But besides recognizing Larrain as the organizer of Chile’s first protest against the ongoing atrocity in Chechnya, what else is there to know about him?

I first met Larrain as a fellow LGBTI activist at the Global Innovative Advocacy Summit slightly more than a year ago, organized by Human Rights Campaign, the United States’ largest organization fighting for LGBTI rights. I remember the 36-year-old as the most outspoken one amongst the 26 of us, and I can safely vouch that the number of questions he had posed the presenters probably far exceeded than any one of us.

Perhaps it is with this inquisitiveness and the hunger to get answers, that has prompted Larrain to run for political office this year in the Chamber of Deputies under Chile’s 120-seat National Congress – specifically for the country’s District 10, part of the country’s Metropolitan Region and includes 6 municipalities under it. With a huge throng of interviews in all kinds of media formats you can imagine after his public announcement in March, I had been fortunate enough to be granted a personal one with Larrain, where I managed to catch up with him on the political happenings here in Santiago, and how his campaign will hope to address the policy gaps in the current system.

Many folks in and out of Chile will probably know Larrain better as the previous president of Iguales (‘Equals’ in English), also the biggest LGBTI organization in the country. Having officially stepped down from this position earlier this year in February, to make way for his political campaign over the course of the next six months, Larrain’s fight to improve the lives of fellow Chileans will now involve those beyond the LGBTI spectrum.

But this extra workload does not seem to deter the fervent activist in him, as Larrain shares with me part of his plan to include other minority groups in this fight for equality.

Does this mean your guy is gay?

A married man of 21 years is sitting across from me in my office. His wife is horribly upset and has threatened to leave him. She told him to get into counseling right away - and he agreed. Now he is in front of me, telling me a secret he has kept for 30-plus years.

After a long period of silence he revealed that he engages in gay sex, softly saying, "I have had sex with men as far back as I can remember. I am not romantically attracted to men. Men just seem to be available to hook up with and I get a sexual release. I have tried to stop but I keep going back to it. I really love my wife and I want to stay married. Both my wife and I wonder ... am I gay?”

As a counselor, the question "Am I gay?" is not an easy one to answer. In fact, the question itself is really not for me to answer. I can help him explore and understand himself better, which may lead him to an answer of his own.

Through my work with sexually addicted people, I have encountered a group of men who identify as heterosexual (they are attracted to and want relationships with females), but act out sexually with anonymous men. These men are revolted by the thought of having a relationship with men, however, they find that the sexual release they get from these encounters is exactly what they're seeking.

There are several ways in which the encounters are acted out. Below are eight possible reasons why men who identify as heterosexuals may engage in sexual activity with other men.

1. They want to experiment with something new.

Curiosity before age 25 is a totally normal, developmentally speaking; some young people ask themselves, "Am I gay?" Before age 25, it's too early to answer this question with certainty. The interest in the behavior may or may not extinguish, as the person develops a more mature sense of their sexuality.

2. It's a unique - and easily available - sexual release. 

This behavior is seen in the example above. The man identifies as heterosexual, but wants a sexual release; anonymous men are readily available to provide this act for him. Women are much less available - they require emotional engagement or money to provide the same service, and he is not willing to put that much effort into getting his release.

‘I was thankful for the years of being patient, the years of myself learning how to not push people away through avoidance or sarcasm or anger’.

As coming out stories go, Florida’s Bryan Blaise didn’t go as well as he might have hoped.

In a video he has made for I’m From Driftwood, the ground breaking archive of LGBTI voices, he recalls going home aged 22 to tell his parents over dinner that he had started dating a man.

Their reaction?

His father put down his cutlery, took a deep breath and said, ‘Okay, how do you justify this by the scriptures?’

"Bryan Blaise recounts his experience of coming out"

His mother ran out of the room to grab a Bible. She returned and proceeded to read out passages that she believed condemned his sexual orientation.

‘And I turned to my mother and I said, “Well, as you’re sitting there pulling out all those verses that you know so well, why don’t you turn to the verses that say that as the first-born, all of this is mine, and as the man I have total authority and respect and, as a woman, you are property according to the Bible, and should not be talking to me with such disrespect right now.”

‘Needless to say, she wasn’t very happy about that comment but that was my first experience sort of coming out to my parents and how my relationship with my mom started out with me as a gay man and how that was going to progress from there.’

Belittled for being “liberal and effeminate and secular”

Bryan realized that it was going to take his parents time to accept his sexuality – if they ever truly did.

A turning point came around six years later, in 2013. He attended a family wedding in Columbus, Mississippi. His whole, extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins were staying in the same hotel.

‘One morning at breakfast, we’re all sitting around a table and I pulled out my phone to show my grandparents pictures of my recent trip to London and Paris.

‘My grandfather, who is very man’s man, men do men things, and definitely a good southern Confederate, proceeded to start to belittle the pictures, start to belittle my current enrollment at Columbia Business School. And naming it, both institutions and the places I visit as liberal and effeminate and secular.

‘And I proceeded to try and be really calm, but still a little distant and ask questions. And ultimately, people started joining in the conversation. Cousins. Aunts. Uncles. Everyone sort of bearing down on me.