Dating can be complicated, but only because we overthink everything. For decades, we’ve been training ourselves on how to be attractive physically, yet fail to teach ourselves how to be attractivepsychologically.
I’ve done some research into the matter (you’re welcome) and have uncovered some interesting studies – both scientific and psychological – that may help you in your dating ventures. It certainly helped me! Take a peek and test them out. You might surprise yourself.
1. Ask outside the box questions.
It’s a bit difficult when on a date not to go into rehearsed dialogue – “What’s your job?” “How many brothers and sisters do you have?” “Where are you from originally?” These are typical questions we’ve become used to asking, but trust me when I say DON’T; at least not just yet. One study has shown that rehearsed lines had a negative effect on a date – so this theory is backed up by science, ya’ll!
It’s important to pull him out of his comfort zone, and the best way to do that is by making him think. Make a deal with yourself to only ask about things you’re genuinely and authentically interested in – make it about him. While you might wonder if he’s an only child or not, you’ll always find that out in due time. During the whole get to know him process, ask him things like, “Have you ever wanted a sibling?” Find common interests and grow from there: “I’ve never been to Italy either! Which city would you rather visit: Venice or Rome?” “You like to cook? I’m actually awful. What was the best dish you’ve ever made?”
2. Watch where you’re staring.
I’ve been on dates where guys have been a bit too creepy with the eyes. I catch them gazing at my arms or my crotch, or, alternatively, one of my insecure spots like my receding hair line or weird birth mark on my neck. Be aware of where your eyes are going – your date isn’t stupid. He also has eyes, which means he saw you looking at whatever it is you thought he missed. Eye contact is important, but, according to studies, no longer than seven seconds. Anything longer than that is a bit creepy. Your eyes are important, make sure they’re pointing at what truly matters.
9. Touch him the right way.
Whether you think so or not, there are multiple ways to touch him that will make him think differently about you. A simple embrace isn’t going to cut it. One study from the journal Social Influenceseparates these types of touching as “Friendly,” which are shoulder pushes, taps, and handshakes; “Plausible Deniability,” which are a touch around the waist or forearm; and “Nuclear,” which are sure signs of attraction, i.e. touches on the face and neck specifically. If you really want him to know you’re attracted to him, take it a step up from the friendly touches.
I’ve done some research into the matter (you’re welcome) and have uncovered some interesting studies – both scientific and psychological – that may help you in your dating ventures. It certainly helped me! Take a peek and test them out. You might surprise yourself.
1. Ask outside the box questions.
It’s a bit difficult when on a date not to go into rehearsed dialogue – “What’s your job?” “How many brothers and sisters do you have?” “Where are you from originally?” These are typical questions we’ve become used to asking, but trust me when I say DON’T; at least not just yet. One study has shown that rehearsed lines had a negative effect on a date – so this theory is backed up by science, ya’ll!
It’s important to pull him out of his comfort zone, and the best way to do that is by making him think. Make a deal with yourself to only ask about things you’re genuinely and authentically interested in – make it about him. While you might wonder if he’s an only child or not, you’ll always find that out in due time. During the whole get to know him process, ask him things like, “Have you ever wanted a sibling?” Find common interests and grow from there: “I’ve never been to Italy either! Which city would you rather visit: Venice or Rome?” “You like to cook? I’m actually awful. What was the best dish you’ve ever made?”
2. Watch where you’re staring.
I’ve been on dates where guys have been a bit too creepy with the eyes. I catch them gazing at my arms or my crotch, or, alternatively, one of my insecure spots like my receding hair line or weird birth mark on my neck. Be aware of where your eyes are going – your date isn’t stupid. He also has eyes, which means he saw you looking at whatever it is you thought he missed. Eye contact is important, but, according to studies, no longer than seven seconds. Anything longer than that is a bit creepy. Your eyes are important, make sure they’re pointing at what truly matters.
3. Have a healthy dose of narcissism.
One psychology study reinforced previous research showing that narcissists are more popular than others, literally at first site. The initial appeal is hard to resist for the most part. Physical attractiveness is often automatically associated with a host of other positive traits – a phenomenon known as the “halo effect.” People with exploitive personalities are more effective at creating confidence and humor, but it always tends to decline over time once the observer starts putting two and two together – usually after several weeks. That’s when they start to get avoided. When on a date, let your heart be as big as Texas, but allow yourself to be mysterious and alluring as a vampire or villain. Trust me, it’s only temporary but it’s magical.
4. Don’t stare at other hotties in the room.
This is kind of a no brainer, but you’d be surprised how many guys can’t help themselves. When you stare at a hot dude that just walked into the restaurant, you’re sending him messages: a) you’ll be hard to trust; b) you’re probably only interested in sex; or c) you’re as into me as I’m into you. Don’t forget you’re on a date – this is a moment for you to zone in, not zone out.
5. Always leave room for dessert.
Thanks to research from Purdue University, your date is probably going to have intimate thoughts after eating sugar. According to the research, more people were open to intimacy after drinking sugar solution than those who were asked to drink water. The brain, as it turns out, associates romantic thoughts with sweet tastes. Who knew!
6. Walk together as much as you can.
Physical activity raises adrenaline, which will increase their need for attraction, according to researchers at McHendree University. A little bit of walking will do the date a lot of good. Valet might be a good idea if you’re going to a fancy restaurant, but don’t be afraid to park five to ten minutes away and walk wherever it is you’re going. Not only will you have extra time to talk, but the adrenaline and heart rate will raise a little, which might make a lot of difference.
One psychology study reinforced previous research showing that narcissists are more popular than others, literally at first site. The initial appeal is hard to resist for the most part. Physical attractiveness is often automatically associated with a host of other positive traits – a phenomenon known as the “halo effect.” People with exploitive personalities are more effective at creating confidence and humor, but it always tends to decline over time once the observer starts putting two and two together – usually after several weeks. That’s when they start to get avoided. When on a date, let your heart be as big as Texas, but allow yourself to be mysterious and alluring as a vampire or villain. Trust me, it’s only temporary but it’s magical.
4. Don’t stare at other hotties in the room.
This is kind of a no brainer, but you’d be surprised how many guys can’t help themselves. When you stare at a hot dude that just walked into the restaurant, you’re sending him messages: a) you’ll be hard to trust; b) you’re probably only interested in sex; or c) you’re as into me as I’m into you. Don’t forget you’re on a date – this is a moment for you to zone in, not zone out.
5. Always leave room for dessert.
Thanks to research from Purdue University, your date is probably going to have intimate thoughts after eating sugar. According to the research, more people were open to intimacy after drinking sugar solution than those who were asked to drink water. The brain, as it turns out, associates romantic thoughts with sweet tastes. Who knew!
6. Walk together as much as you can.
Physical activity raises adrenaline, which will increase their need for attraction, according to researchers at McHendree University. A little bit of walking will do the date a lot of good. Valet might be a good idea if you’re going to a fancy restaurant, but don’t be afraid to park five to ten minutes away and walk wherever it is you’re going. Not only will you have extra time to talk, but the adrenaline and heart rate will raise a little, which might make a lot of difference.
7. Don’t let him catch you on Grindr.
It’s all about trust. If you have a Grindr (which a lot of gay men do), don’t let him see it on your home page. One study shows that Grindr users were 23% more likely to be infected with gonorrhea and 35% more likely to be infected with chlamydia – the risk is way higher than people who choose to meet guys in bars or clubs. Gay guys of this generation are scared sh*tless about STD’s – it’s instilled in them. Seeing a loaded Grindr on a date’s phone will bring about questions and assumptions that are better left untouched.
8. Observe his mannerisms & meet him where he’s at.
This might sound weird, but studies have shownthat human beings are more likely to be attracted to people who mimic them – not in a kiss ass sort of way, of course. All of this can be applied for eye contact, crossing of the legs, touching, laughing, drinking together, but never EVER should it be applied to cell phones (I hate dating a man glued to his iPhone). Mimicking is a subconscious sign of affection – it shows how much you like him, and he will respond well to that. If you want a man to feel like you’re into him, try copying him just a tad.
It’s all about trust. If you have a Grindr (which a lot of gay men do), don’t let him see it on your home page. One study shows that Grindr users were 23% more likely to be infected with gonorrhea and 35% more likely to be infected with chlamydia – the risk is way higher than people who choose to meet guys in bars or clubs. Gay guys of this generation are scared sh*tless about STD’s – it’s instilled in them. Seeing a loaded Grindr on a date’s phone will bring about questions and assumptions that are better left untouched.
8. Observe his mannerisms & meet him where he’s at.
This might sound weird, but studies have shownthat human beings are more likely to be attracted to people who mimic them – not in a kiss ass sort of way, of course. All of this can be applied for eye contact, crossing of the legs, touching, laughing, drinking together, but never EVER should it be applied to cell phones (I hate dating a man glued to his iPhone). Mimicking is a subconscious sign of affection – it shows how much you like him, and he will respond well to that. If you want a man to feel like you’re into him, try copying him just a tad.
9. Touch him the right way.
Whether you think so or not, there are multiple ways to touch him that will make him think differently about you. A simple embrace isn’t going to cut it. One study from the journal Social Influenceseparates these types of touching as “Friendly,” which are shoulder pushes, taps, and handshakes; “Plausible Deniability,” which are a touch around the waist or forearm; and “Nuclear,” which are sure signs of attraction, i.e. touches on the face and neck specifically. If you really want him to know you’re attracted to him, take it a step up from the friendly touches.
10. It’s all about the Feet.
This isn’t exactly new information, but it is something everyone forgets about. Since feet are the furthest part of the body from the brain, we have little conscious control over what they’re doing, and, most importantly, where they’re pointing. 8 times out of 10 they’re pointing in the direction our subliminal focus lies – if his are pointing to you, it’s a great sign!
This isn’t exactly new information, but it is something everyone forgets about. Since feet are the furthest part of the body from the brain, we have little conscious control over what they’re doing, and, most importantly, where they’re pointing. 8 times out of 10 they’re pointing in the direction our subliminal focus lies – if his are pointing to you, it’s a great sign!
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