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Thursday, August 31, 2017

A recent client of mine came to a counseling session struggling with some sexual identity issues about the fact that he was gay but had fallen in love with a woman.

His proclivity was to view gay porn, and he had to hide his arousal when he snuck a peek at the muscled jocks at the gym who he found so enticing. Still, this young woman he’d established a friendship with had evolved into a romance, and he found himself fantasizing about a future with her, a vision that he felt was at odds with what he thought he knew his sexual orientation to be. He found her attractive, though perhaps the lustful feelings were not as potent as for men.

He ultimately decided to continue pursuing his relationship with her; he was able to be honest with her about his sexuality while finding ways to honor and express the gay side of his identity within the boundaries they set forth. Love trumped eroticism in this case.




There Are Tons of Examples of People Experiencing This Situation

In a different example, when discussing this topic with my boyfriend, he reminisced about having been in love with three different women during his 20s and early 30s before embracing his desire for a same-sex union.

When assessing the dynamics of this situation, he relayed to me that how for him, even though he had strong feelings for these women, he was more in love with the idea and illusion of being with a woman as a defense against his internalized homophobia and desire to have children while he was still reconciling with his coming-out process.

His mother ultimately helped him clarify this dilemma. He said she had asked him, “If you were in love with a woman and were in a permanent relationship with her, would you ever be tempted to cheat to be with a man? Conversely, if you were in a partnership with a man, would you ever be tempted to cheat to be with a woman?” For him, the answer became clear, and his scenario depicted more of a clarification of his coming out journey.

Then there are also those with true bisexual identities in which their erotic preferences are not dichotomous and they slant toward both genders. Love and attraction is not discriminatory here. Both the individual’s traits and physical attraction collide within any given gender.


Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Google 'Toxic masculinity' and you’re likely to stumble across Ben Shapiro’s National Review article The ‘Toxic Masculinity’ Smear, where he discusses the Left’s war on masculinity and manhood. If you can power through the part where he blames crime in black communities on absent fathers (and fails to address the poverty cycle enforced by white men), you may reach the point of his piece. Which is that toxic masculinity is a concept invented by liberals to emasculate men, strip them of their right to lead families and turn them into “non-entities.”

The main flaw in Shapiro’s argument is his failure to separate masculinity from “toxic masculinity”-two concepts that have little to do with one another. Masculinity is real, natural, and biological. Toxic masculinity is a performance invented to reinforce it.



(Illustrating image)

Toxic masculinity is built on two fundamental pillars: sexual conquest and violence-qualities men regale as manly and virtuous. If sex and aggression are the measuring sticks of manhood, it’s no wonder rape education remains a conversation of what women should be doing to not get raped rather than what men should be doing, which is not raping. How can we hope to stop violent sexual behavior if violence and sexuality are still considered primary virtues of manhood?



How can we hope to stop violent sexual behavior if violence and sexuality are still considered primary virtues of manhood?

We insist on male dominance, that the physically stronger gender is the superior one-an idea rooted in times of spear-throwing and sword-fighting rather than present day, where machines do most of the building, hunting and fighting for us. But even in a time where physical strength was necessary aspect of survival, the genders were co-dependent. Men need women and women need men equally. That’s the way it’s always been.

Too often we allow presentation of strength to overstep strength itself, which can and should be defined beyond the physical. Where true strength is absent, a man overcompensates by showing everyone that no, really, truly, he’s strong-just look at how he’s proving it. He’s not smiling. He’s flexing and punching things. He’s growing facial hair and purposely deepening his voice.

I’m not suggesting, of course, men must smile, stop punching things, wax themselves, and speak in falsetto. I’m suggesting that whether he performs these behaviors or doesn’t says nothing about the man that he is.

This is a problem with serious cultural repercussions. Toxic masculinity in American culture starts with straight, white men and trickles down through marginalized groups, affecting the way they perceive themselves and behave. We can’t examine straight African-American men’s behavior, for example, without first examining the white power structure that influenced it. And we can’t separate how black men treat women from how white men treat black men.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

For a while, I thought I was gay. And maybe I was for some of that time – there’s nothing wrong with being gay. But I’m definitely not now.

I thought I was gay because I thought I was a man, and I thought I was only and always attracted to other men.

I don’t know what gender I am anymore, if any. I knew before coming to that particular realization that I’m also not only, and haven’t always been, attracted to men. Additionally, I realized I don’t know what exactly “attraction” means.

I know for certain I’m not heterosexual – without a stable gender, I’m not even sure I could be. And when I first began to have these self-revelations, I also knew that I needed space to explore all of these complications.




As I spent time figuring out what they meant, I discovered that if I must have an identification that makes sense to others who need to see me with some sort of stability, it would be “queer.”

But that’s only because, for me, “queer” inherently defies stable identification.

Queer has many different facets.

Some use it to encompass all non-heterosexual, non-cisgender identities. That’s an understandable use of the term – like I mentioned, I interpret it to be partially about giving space for exploring gender and sexuality, and including so many different groups of people demands that space, demands a challenge to stability.

Certainly a wide variety of non-heterosexual, non-cisgender folks are queer.

But though queer might cover some part of that spectrum, it is not limited to it. I am not gay nor lesbian nor bisexual nor transgender. I am not anything other than just queer.

There are people who some of you might call “straight” if you looked at them and their partners and impose genders onto them, but who are actually “queer.” And many gay, lesbian, and transgender individuals do not identify as queer.

Like plenty of the names marginalized people call themselves, queer has a fraught history of reclamation, many controversial political implications, and a universalizing aspect that is too contradictory for some.

Yet, even here at Everyday Feminism, we sometimes use gay and queer interchangeably. Not to set the two in opposition or even to say they cannot sometimes overlap, here is why I think distinguishing the two might help people who are still exploring their gender and sexuality.


1. Queer Is a Slur for Some and a Reclamation for Others

I’m not a queer historian and I’ve still got a lot to learn, so I’ll stick to the basics. Here’s what I know so far: queer literally meant just “strange” or “peculiar,” indicating a deviation from the norm. It was turned into a pejorative to describe those with non-heterosexual desires and behaviors about a century ago.

For some, there’s simply too much pain associated with the word for so many people. I understand that.

As for me, I’m all about reclamation and taking power from oppressive systems whenever and however I can.

You can’t tell me that you get to change a word with a meaning as beautiful as “peculiar” and I don’t get to take it back from you.

I’m also young and haven’t lived through the widespread use of queer as a derogatory term, so my feelings are admittedly biased.

The movement to reclaim it as an affirmation caught on relatively recently, as did queerness as a theoretical framework, or “queer theory.” Queer’s not too distant past as a slur explains a lot of the continued resistance to its use.

Queer theorists, influenced in part by the work of French philosopher Michel Foucault, usually deal with sexuality not removed from gender but simultaneously, and questioned them both. Many push back against the essentialist idea that sex and gender are different and question the limitations inherent in a binary gendered perspective.

Recognized alongside the likes of Judith Butler and Eve Sedgwick as one of the most influential queer theorist, José Esteban Muñoz explained in the book Feeling Utopia, “We have never been queer, yet queerness exists for us as an ideality that can be distilled from the past and used to imagine a future. The future is queerness’s domain.”

Queerness was a political question that asked but didn’t necessarily see answers to the questions: “What is sex anyway? What is gender? What is sexuality? Can we ever truly know?”

And some non-heterosexual, non-cisgender people choose not or have yet to invest in that political question as is their prerogative - and that’s okay, too.


Monday, August 28, 2017

Within the gay and bisexual communities, men are commonly labeled based on their preferred penetrative role during intercourse. Three major self-labels exist.
1. “Top” refers to a man who prefers the insertive position during intercourse.
2. “Bottom” refers to a man who prefers the receptive position during intercourse.
3. “Versatile” refers to a man who is willing to perform either position.

In Latin American countries, the terms “top,” “bottom,” and “versatile” are replaced by “active,” “passive,” and “versatilo.”



Recently, new labels “vers bottom” and “vers tops” have been added to describe men with less concrete preferences. “Vers bottom” means one who prefers being bottom but who takes the insertive role occasionally, and “vers tops” means one who prefers being top but who takes the receptive role occasionally. The addition of such labels suggests that sex-role preferences are fluid and may be influenced by individual, interpersonal, and/or sociocultural factors. In 2008, researchers studying proportions of self-labels amongst a sample of American gay men found 19% self-labeled as tops, 34% self-labeled as bottoms, and 47% self-labeled as versatiles.1 However, in 2011 a survey reporting on gay men in San Francisco found 37% self-labeled as tops, 21% self-labeled as bottoms, and 42% self-labeled as versatiles.

Researchers have found a strong correlation between sexual self-labels and actual sexual behaviors. There is substantial evidence indicating that self-identified tops engage in more insertive anal intercourse and that self-identified bottoms engage is more receptive intercourse. As one would expect, men identifying as tops reported experiencing greater pleasure from insertive intercourse, and men identifying as bottoms reported experiencing greater pleasure from receptive intercourse. Recent studies have replicated these results, finding that tops were more likely to engage in insertive anal intercourse, bottoms were more likely to engage in receptive anal intercourse, and that versatiles reported intermediate rates of both behaviors.


Psychosocial Implications

In heterosexual relationships, male female penetrative roles are believed to have developed evolutionarily in order to promote human reproduction. Typically, penetrative roles in heterosexual relationships are inflexible, and highly correlated with physiological and psychological expressions of gender. Much less is known about the penetrative roles homosexual men adopt during same-sex intercourse. What orients men to identify as a top, bottom, or versatile is poorly understood because there is scarce research on the topic; and, what little evidence does exist relies heavily on anecdotal evidence. However, a couple potential correlates of sex-roles have been proposed.

Dominance and Submissiveness

Dominance and submissiveness (i.e. power) have been suggested as potential correlates of penetrative roles. It is often assumed that self-identified tops are naturally more dominant than self-identified bottoms, and vice versa. Though this belief is pervasive in both the academic and cultural landscapes, research on the topic has wielded inconsistent results. Some researchers have found that tops report being more dominant and that bottoms report being more submissive, while others argue that these findings are inconsistent and are heavily dependent on the dynamics between sexual partners.



Sunday, August 27, 2017

In case you forgot the year, it's 2017. Anyone can go on a date - including two straight dudes. Bromances are nothing new, but this concept of making time to go dates with your guy friends should be.

Allow me to womansplain a man date: A man date is an outing or night in with one of your guy friends in order to bond on a deeper level by enjoying quality time with each other, without the interruption of a group or significant others.



Here are four reasons guys should adopt the practice of going on man dates:


It's freaking adorable.

The reason we all love Obama and Joe Biden's friendship is because it's so damn precious. From an outsider's perspective, it's super attractive for a guy to not only value his friendships with his friends, but isn't afraid to show it. If you go on man dates with your guy friend, we know you're the type of guy who wants to spend quality time with anyone important in your life.

It's more intimate than a guy's night.

You can only get to know your guy friends so much on a guy's night. The testosterone is peaking, and a bunch of dudes in one room means a lot of repressed feelings. The last thing a guy wants is to be embarrassed in a group of their friends so they'll play it as cool as possible.

When you're one-on-one with another person, you're more likely to open up and probably have a lot more in common than you think.


Saturday, August 26, 2017

It’s a question that has a lot of different answers, depending on who you ask. There are millions of people of all sexualities who claim to have impeccable “gaydar”-you know, that mythical trait where people think they can tell if someone is gay by looking at them. But can you read someone’s gayness? I’ve made this mistake many times, coming on to some hot guy who I think “Oh, this is a definite gay” and then he’s all: “My wife/girlfriend” and then I’ve lost interest and don’t hear anything else he says after that because no dick. Of course, just because he’s with a woman right now doesn’t mean he’s not bi or somewhere else on the sexual orientation slide, now or at another point in his life.


Of course, gaydar “readings” can be unfair because they reduce people to a certain subset of stereotypes: extroverted fashion, how refined their mannerisms and interests are (because all gays are refined), how butch they are or the way they talk. There are lots of men who are effeminate or maybe just slightly fey who are totally straight and get pigeonholed into the gay box just because of their gender performance. Doesn’t it seem silly to assume someone is gay based on such little information?

Then there are jokes about people coming out to their friends and loved ones and being told, “Honey, it’s about time you told us!” as if their gayness was so perfectly clear and obvious to all that everyone was just huddling on the other side of the closet door waiting for them to burst through in a rainbow cat suit!

And let’s not forget all those guys and gals who don’t actually register on anybody’s gaydar, who complain that they can’t get dates because nobody has any clue they’re gay. I’ve had more than one gay male and lesbian tell me about how difficult it is for them to get laid by gay people because they’re not approached-even at gay bars. 


Friday, August 25, 2017

“I love the gays, but goddamn I don't understand why you guys are, like, so in your face about being gay. Like, what's with all the parades and the rainbow flags and exclusive clubs and making out in public and glitter-glitter-glitter?!”

An old co-worker once said this to me during a seemingly endless shift. We were selling makeup in a high-end luxury department store, and both of our feet were killing us because we were forced to squeeze our toes into three-inch pumps on a marble floor for eight hours a day. Physical pain has a way of making us say how we really feel.




I walked away from her and began reorganizing the lipsticks so they were color co-ordinated. Dark to light. Light to dark. Cream finish to satin finish. Satin finish to cream finish. I found myself magnetically drawn to the lipstick station every time I heard a bigoted comment that I wish I hadn't heard.

I organized the hell out of the lipsticks, but I never spoke up when I heard a homophobic comment. I wish I had, but I wasn't very outspoken at work because I felt like such an outsider there. It seemed like I was always in trouble. The beauty manager would stomp around the store praising people but then stop and berate me for a hair being out of place or my nose ring was “too punk” (his words, not mine) or my too-large statement earrings were “overwhelming” and “distracting” or my lace stockings were too “fashion-forward” and “alienating” to the client - blah blah. It conjured up old feelings of being the lesbian freak in high school.

Which is funny to even say, because it's totally connected to my co-worker's ignorant observations about why us gays are so wildly in your face about our gayness.

But lez back track, shall we, sweet kittens?


We gays held a lot in during high school. There was not one out gay kid in my high school. Yeah, the rumors flew and some of us were better at hiding it than others, but there wasn't a gay clique or anything. There was no safe place to be gay (there was no safe place to yourself).

I made the mistake of telling people I was bisexual (even though I was a total closet lesbian) and overnight, a whole group of blonde-haired plastics were afraid I was going to hit on them (don't they know I'm not even into blondes? Let alone, straight corn-fed blondes?).

Yeah, school wasn't exactly a warm place to be openly queer. Any homo relationships we had were either top secret or made up inside our heads. We observed our straight friends growing giddy and excitable over first kisses and while we faked it the best we could, it just wasn't the same. Gay girls kissed boys and gay boys kissed girls while fantasizing about “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” or whatever cutie the boys were dreaming about, I don't know, maybe James Van Der Beek or whoever else was hot at the time.

But we were robbed of those first magical kisses. You know the kind of kisses that change everything? The kind that make you question if maybe God is real. Don't get me wrong, I had my fair share of spine-tingling girl kisses as a teen, but it was never anything that could be seen in public. There is a very real thrill to kissing someone you love in public.

So while the rest of our peers were experiencing the wonder of their newfound sex drives in high school, we were busy repressing ours.

So when we finally came out into the big, bad world, it was so liberating it was intoxicating. Some of us were 24, some of us were 54, but whatever. We finally met people like us. We finally had a dating pool which, after years and years and years of having radio silence, was exhilarating. We were like little kids on a diet of Brussels sprouts suddenly left loose in a rainbow candy store.



Thursday, August 24, 2017

All the game advice out there can get confusing, and we can easily lose sight of what’s most important. So we want to give you 19 fundamental tips to be a sexy man to women and gay men.

1. Be Relaxed And Chill

The best state for meeting women is actually a chilled out, relaxed state, and not a hyper state where you’re bouncing off the walls super excited or freaking out.

The best state for meeting women isn’t extravagant. It’s just relaxed and chill. Because talking to a girl being all relaxed and chill communicates to her that you’re not desperate to please her or kiss her butt or get her approval. It shows her that you’re normal and confident.




And the best way to be relaxed and chill is to draw your state from within. You’re positive and relaxed from within no matter what’s going around you or what the girls are doing. So if a girl gives you a positive response, you just remain relaxed and chill, just as if she were to give you a negative response. You remain unreactive to the ups and downs in the environment. You’re steady like a rock. And that’s what women want to find in a man.

2. Demonstrate Sexual Intent

You want to convey sexual intent to the girl. When you just pretend to play aloof, or you completely hide your sexual interest from the girl, she’ll just assume that you’re not a sexual guy or you’re not interested in her sexually, or you’re just a nice guy. By hiding your sexual interest, it ensures that you’ll be liked, but it doesn’t create any sparks of attraction in the girl.

Instead, you want to convey sexual intent to the girl by showing her in some way, that you have sexual interest in her, that you see her as a sexual woman. Like you can be talking to her normally, but you massage her back. Or you throw up a compliment in the very beginning. Or you hold eye contact and talk slow and sexy. Something that conveys sexual interest and intent.


And that tells the woman that you’re confident enough to go after her. And that’s what a woman wants to see in a man, confidence to go for what he wants.

3. Don’t Apologize For Your Actions

Don’t apologize for your actions. When you go up to a girl, or you grab her hand, or you give her a hug, or you give her a compliment, or whatever it is, follow through with your actions and don’t apologize for your actions.

Being unapologetic is the key to getting away with any move, and to get the girl reacting to you.

4. Speak Loudly!

Speak Loudly! The loudest guy in the group is typically the guy who has the most social value, who is the leader, who is looked to for leadership, who is the most comfortable guy in a social situation, who is the most confident guy. Because if you’re not confident, you won’t be talking, let alone talking very loudly. Loudness is a cue for confidence, and girls love it.

5. It’s Okay To Lose

You’re not going to win every time and you’ve got to be cool that. But the times you don’t win, you’ll learn.

If you’re out there taking action, taking responsibility to go out, learning and achieving things, you’ll progress. You won’t win every time, but you’ll achieve. And when you learn and you win and you go, you feel good about yourself, you feel congruent with being a man of action.

Because the worst thing you can do is do nothing with your time and just watch TV or play videogames. Because the time will pass and your opportunities will be lost.

6. Draw Your state From Within

Go out for yourself. And draw your happiness from within yourself. Don’t look to women to make you happy. If you need girls on any level to make you happy or feed your ego, that’s going to create approach anxiety. Because you have an outcome in mind that you need the girls approval to make you feel good. And that’s where you get nervous.

So instead, draw your state within, let go of the outcomes, and your approach anxiety will melt away and you’ll feel happier and more fulfilled.

7. You Like Silences

Be comfortable with silences. Normal conversations will have silences. If you feel like you have to keep talking non-stop to avoid any silences, or to cover up any silences, the girl will notice that and it comes across as nervous and frantic. Silences in fact are a good way to create sexual tension, by talking slowly and making eye contact during the silence, that’s where sexual tension can be created.



Wednesday, August 23, 2017

A few weekends ago, a straight male friend and I were discussing the straight world's squeamishness about gay sex. I told him something I find myself saying a lot these days: hearing about sex that differs from the kind you have shouldn't be a traumatic experience and furthermore, such information is not a threat to your sexuality (a generation of gay guys who grew up watching depictions of sex through the hetero-male gaze of Cinemax can confirm this).

He was more or less on board. But he did express something like disdain for gay guys "who talk about gay sex like it's the best sex in the world-as though they are superlative!"




I understand why that's annoying (as expressions of superiority tend to be). I think everyone should think that he or she is having the absolute best sex possible. And yet, I am one of those people my friend was decrying. Belief in the implicit supremacy of man-on-man sex is the closest thing I have to faith.

The reason I believe this is simple: versatility.


Gay sexual roles are roughly divided into three categories, specifically pertaining to anal sex: tops (those who do the fucking or, speaking clinically, provide "insertive anal intercourse"), bottoms (those who get fucked or experience "receptive anal intercourse"), and versatiles (those who do both).

Every study I've read that asks men who sleep with men to self-label their role finds that the majority of respondents identify as versatile. This has also been true in my personal experience. It is, in my opinion, the way to be. It is the way to take advantage of the breadth of pleasure that you are offered as a man who sleeps with men.

Versatility, as the term is used here, is what sets gay sex apart from the rest of the world. We can debate differences and similarities between heteros and queers until all of us are wiped off the planet, but the objective fact is that men who sleep with me are the only kind of lovers who can both genitally penetrate and be penetrated without outside assistance like non-erogenous body parts (fingers, toes), sex toys, or a third partner. Variable mutual pleasure is our gift. That is our X-Men power.

And yet, it is so misunderstood. Every time you hear someone ask a gay man, "Who's the man? Who's the woman?" you are hearing from a person who just doesn't get it. More and more I've been feeling like even the question "Are you a top or a bottom?" is passé.

Versatility is about choice. While most of us queers would agree that same-sex attraction is an ineffable force, something that just is, versatility is a product of decision-making: what do you want for yourself, what do you want from the other guy(s), and how are you going to get it?

If you think of sexuality as a body you are born into, versatility is how you outfit it. It can change by the relationship, by the day, by the hour. It builds up and tears down notions of power associated with sexual roles, and through that arrives at an ambiguity that is honest and complicated.

For me, becoming versatile meant learning how to bottom. I am a simple man with a fondness for the obvious. Seeking sexual pleasure, then, has long meant seeking to get my dick wet. Anal sex was initially intimidating to me when I started having sex with men, and bottoming was even more intimidating. But curiosity kept creeping up on me, tempting me to try what makes many a guy's eyes roll back in his head uncontrollably, per a lot of porn that I've seen.

The first guy who ever fucked me I met via gay.com; I don't remember his name. He lived on the inland of South Jersey, so that's probably for the best. He was a terrible top. He knew that I was inexperienced, but told me that I just needed to relax to enjoy the experience. I felt the white heat of pain in my butt the entire time. That did not dissuade me from trying again. It did not keep me from embarking on a years-long quest of getting to the bottom of bottoming. An almost decade-long relationship in which I was almost always the top also didn't dissuade me.

In 2012, when I found myself single for the first time in almost a decade, I started to explore more. Bottoming remained a crapshoot (pun intended). It could be great; it could be massively painful; it could be uncomfortable enough to feel like a big waste of time.

In 2013, I went to a urologist because my cum was a weird consistency and I tested negative for all STDs. While he was examining my prostate, he asked me, "Has anyone ever told you that you're a real tight ass?" "Isn't that a good thing?" I joked back. No, he told me: I'd never enjoy the full extent of my sexuality if I didn't learn to relax, and furthermore that my cum issue could be related to my up-/tightness. Relaxing turned out to be an active process for me, something I had to, somewhat counter-intuitively, concentrate on. It's been worth it. (That doctor also recommended poppers to help me relax. He was a wild urologist.)

One of the greatest things about being versatile is that you are potentially sexually compatible with anyone. No holds-or holes-are barred. I've lost count of the amount of sexual encounters I had arranged to go one way (either via an app or in person) that ended up playing out another way once actually in bed. his has been particularly true on occasions when I had arranged to get fucked and ended up doing the fucking. I'd say I've topped in 75 percent of my casual encounters in the past two-and-a-half years. I was also in a relationship where I bottomed exclusively.

That's fine with me. I've never much related to the narrative that I've heard gay guys repeat too often: "Oh they're both tops/bottoms so it could never work out…" Versatility fosters flexibility-they come hand in hand.



Tuesday, August 22, 2017

If you are gay or know many gays, chances are you saw “Together Alone,” Michael Hobbes’ longform essay on what he calls an “epidemic of gay loneliness,” show up in your feeds late last week. After seeing the article shared approvingly by many friends, I skimmed and dutifully posted it myself. It’s unsettling, full of resonant descriptions of isolation, drug addiction, and self-hatred among gay men; and it’s ambitious in its attempt to name, outline the contours of, and prescribe solutions for what it argues is a cultural and social crisis among gay men hovering between youth and middle age. But later, as I read the article more closely, I began to feel uneasy.

(Are gay men really in an epidemic of loneliness?)

Something in Hobbes’ portrait-more specifically, in the words of the group of gay men he chose to interview-reminded me of a kind of conversation that I encountered when I’ve worked in offices with large gay populations. The conversation happened frequently enough that I began to be able to predict how it might unfold. An older gay male colleague, typically white and trim and successful, would set off on a lament about the impossible meanness and pettiness of gay culture. They would speak heartbreakingly about loneliness and feelings of inadequacy. Then, strangely, the conversation would turn to the idea, expressed with varying degrees of confidence and anger, that there was a subgroup of gays who had the wrong goals: too much sex with too many people, going to drag bars on a Tuesday night. These sorts were holding the good ones back from finally merging into the mundane-and, it was suggested, more fulfilling-everyday of bourgeois life.

Maybe, I would suggest, the root of their unhappiness wasn’t evil sex radicals or unreconstructed sissies but the impossible situation contemporary gays find ourselves in: the promise of acceptance and tolerance if we force ourselves into relationship models that often chafe; the way that rights of access to straight institutions like military service and marriage have divided us from our queer and trans sisters and siblings; the gentrification of our community spaces out of major urban centers; and the ingrained misogyny that leads to a drive towards hypermasculinity and thinness. (Side-eye at the fact that the people starting these conversations were often the same ones who loudly began their “Fire Island diets” in February, in preparation for summers at the notoriously judgey gay beach enclave, and asked why I wasn’t joining.) No, the colleague would insist. It’s just that bitchy, mean gay culture. It’s toxic.

Not to be a bitchy gay whose meanness is making our community toxic, but I have grown tired of men whose engagement with their queerness is so basic; who almost never associate with fat, of-color, and/or working-class people; who actively reject love and friendship that don’t fit their narrow molds, blaming their identity-and all gay people and culture with it-for their epidemic of low self-worth. Unfortunately, Hobbes’ article is no exception. Let’s break down where it goes wrong:

It focuses on a very specific sub-group, and leaves out everyone else.

The first thing we hear about the article’s first subject is that he is “trim, intelligent, gluten-free,” and that he does CrossFit. A scientist is approvingly described as monogamous, “wearing jeans, galoshes and a wedding ring.” One man is “a Brit living in Portland”; another “a fitness instructor”; another, a business consultant, is “27, 6-foot-1 and has a six-pack you can see through his wool sweater.”

In the community, we have a name for these people: A-gays. They enforce the social rules of a certain kind of urban gay space, implicitly or sometimes explicitly excluding other types of gays (and almost all queer people) who don’t fit their strange standards. They are the donors and board members of the big gay nonprofits, the setters of the mainstream gay agenda.

Crucial to understanding the A-gays is seeing their cultural and economic complicity in the systems that both benefit them and, ironically, make them feel miserable. Please do not misunderstand: No one is responsible for suicide or mental illness-these are both complex phenomena that deserve to be addressed regardless of who’s experiencing them. But part of taking a problem seriously is understanding where it comes from. If I’m rolling my eyes at Hobbes’ piece, it’s not for lack of sympathy; it’s just the same way I might roll my eyes at an article about miserable hedge fund managers that didn't interrogate their exploitative profession and the way it might contribute both to their sadness and their privilege.


Monday, August 21, 2017

Using a brain imaging technique, Swedish researchers have shown that homosexual and heterosexual men respond differently to two odors that may be involved in sexual arousal, and that the gay men respond in the same way as women.

The new research may open the way to studying human pheromones, as well as the biological basis of sexual preference. Pheromones, chemicals emitted by one individual to evoke some behavior in another of the same species, are known to govern sexual activity in animals, but experts differ as to what role, if any, they play in making humans sexually attractive to one another.




The new research, which supports the existence of human pheromones, is reported in today's issue of The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences by Dr. Ivanka Savic and colleagues at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm.

The two chemicals in the study were a testosterone derivative produced in men's sweat and an estrogen-like compound in women's urine, both of which have long been suspected of being pheromones.

Most odors cause specific smell-related regions of the human brain to light up when visualized by a form of brain imaging that tracks blood flow in the brain and therefore, by inference, sites where neurons are active. Several years ago, Dr. Savic and colleagues showed that the two chemicals activated the brain in a quite different way from ordinary scents.

The estrogen-like compound, though it activated the usual smell-related regions in women, lighted up the hypothalamus in men. This is a region in the central base of the brain that governs sexual behavior and, through its control of the pituitary gland lying just beneath it, the hormonal state of the body.

The male sweat chemical, on the other hand, did just the opposite; it activated mostly the hypothalamus in women and the smell-related regions in men. The two chemicals seemed to be leading a double life, playing the role of odor with one sex and of pheromone with another.

The Swedish researchers have now repeated the experiment but with the addition of gay men as a third group. The gay men responded to the two chemicals in the same way as did women, Dr. Savic reports, as if the hypothalamus's response is determined not by biological sex but by the owner's sexual orientation.

Dr. Savic said that she had also studied gay women, but that the data were "somewhat complicated" and not yet ready for publication.

The finding is similar to a report in 1991 by Dr. Simon LeVay that a small region of the hypothalamus is twice as large in straight men as in women or gay men. The brain scanning technique used by the Swedish researchers lacks the resolution to see the region studied by Dr. LeVay, which is a mere millimeter or so across. But both findings suggest that the hypothalamus is organized in a way related to sexual orientation.

The new finding, if confirmed, would break ground in two important directions, those of human pheromones and human sexuality.



Sunday, August 20, 2017

It is the question all of us gym bros constantly wonder about. Whenever we see a total smoke show looking in our direction it immediately fuels our ego and makes us puff out our chests. But is she looking at you because you are attractive? Or because she thinks you are way too “self absorbed” and a “gym rat” like the dudes?
What body types do girls really find most appealing? Do they want all of us to look like a shredded out beast, or do they really want us to be in-shape but more normal? Bros, I will do all of us a huge favor and dissect this for us so we can really find the ideal body type to bring in the babes.



Before we do this I have to say something. I know most of you will agree with me when I say I Do Not Workout To Attract Women. I workout to improve myself, get healthier and strive for strength gains. If women come along, it is just an added bonus. But, some bros train to impress the chicks. That’s cool too.

Healthy Seems to Beat “Macho” everytime



Every guy who lifts wants to be a beast. Not necessarily Ronnie Coleman huge, but have noticeably bigger than average muscles and strong. But a lot of us want to be big and a Hulk. That is bad news for us guys lookin for babes. Let’s look at some stats

89.2% of women say that a man taking care of his health is important to them
74.5% of women want a man that’s stronger than they are
61.8% of women want a man that can protect them
60.8% want their man to look his best
58.8% think it’s important for their man to have bigger arms than them
38% want him to be strong and muscular.
38% are cool with average
2.9% want him ripped ‘n muscular like 50 cent
(stats taken from a study done by foxhoundstudio.com)

Only 2.9% want us to be big and ripped. Why is that? Well, like we saw in the video, girls want a guy who is “healthy and takes care of himself” but not “obsessed and self absorbed with his looks.”

Bros, are you thinking what I am thinking? Are girls so intimidated by our muscular physique they would rather date a weaker man instead of somebody like us? Interesting…



Saturday, August 19, 2017

I recently wrote a blog post about the music video for singer-songwriter Steve Grand’s song “All-American Boy,” in which a gay man falls in love with a straight man and they share a quick kiss. In that post I addressed why gay men might be attracted to straight men, but that question raises another: Why might a straight man be romantically or sexually attracted to other men? Why did the straight guy in the video kiss the gay guy back, after all?

The following scenario happens many times: A man comes into my office, referred by his own therapist and clutching coming-out literature that the therapist has given him. He explains that his therapist has tried, unsuccessfully, to help him come out as gay or bisexual, but even though he’s had sex with other men or gone to gay porn websites, he insists that he isn’t gay. He says that he isn’t homophobic either; if it turns out that he is indeed gay or bisexual, he’ll accept it and move on with his life, but the label just doesn’t feel right to him.


During the last three decades, in reaction to prejudiced and destructive anti-gay attitudes, we’ve seen the pendulum swing so far in the other direction that it’s now become almost a therapeutic credo, not to mention a requirement of political correctness, to assume that men who have sex with men are “in denial” and need help to recognize and accept their “true” homosexual orientation. In fact, neither extreme represents the experience of many men. The truth is that many men who have sex with men aren’t gay or even bisexual. Although their mental and emotional state resembles that of the initial stages of coming out, gay and bisexual men go on to develop a gay or a bisexual identity, whereas these men don’t.

When I write about straight men who are attracted to or having sex with other men, I receive numerous negative responses, mostly from gay men who have lived in the closet, convincing themselves that they were straight, and may have even had relationships or marriages with women. “You are keeping these men closeted and harming them!” they shout at me. But what these gay men don’t realize is that I am not talking about men like them. These gay men were suppressing an identity: a sexual and romantic identity of being gay. These are not the men I am addressing here.

In 2008 I started Straight Guise, a website and blog open to all who wish to read, post comments and have a dialogue about men who have sex with men. It explores the many reasons that men have sex with other men, only some of which have anything to do with homosexuality or bisexuality.



Friday, August 18, 2017

There were signs. There were definite signs. You would form close friendships with boys in elementary school, friendships that were intense for any 10-year-old to have, let alone a male. You loved these boys though. You really loved them without knowing what the love meant. In a way, it was nice not knowing. It was nice thinking of love as this thing you could just give to anyone, like it was a blanket that kept you warm at night. It was love without sex, love without a question mark.


You grew older. You got “weirder.” You dyed your hair bright colors. You formed closer bonds with girls than boys. At home, your father began to look at you funny and that’s because he knew something you didn’t, he knew what was coming in a few years. This made him sad, regardless of his politics because parents don’t want their kids to lead a hard life. And being gay is still considered difficult no matter how many rappers come out of the closet and movie stars thank their partners in acceptance speeches. It’s always going to be the less desirable road to take until everyone agrees that it’s not.

You became turned on by the male form. Your penis reacted positively to biceps, V’s, calves, and nice butts. Your neck stiffened up the second your penis did. Why, why and why? You hung your head low in the shower, letting the water wash over you and dribble into your mouth. You thought that no one was ever going to love you, you were never going to be accepted in the gay world - not like you even wanted to be! You just wanted to be yourself and not deal with the weight of what being gay meant hanging on your shoulders.

Sex didn’t scare you. Love did. You tried to imagine yourself saying “I love you” or “Please hold me” to another man and froze up in embarrassment. You couldn’t do it. You couldn’t fathom kissing another man’s forehead and bringing him soup in bed or holding his hand down the street. You could deal with having sex with some anonymous stranger before doing a thing like that. Love is always harder to tackle than sex, especially when you can’t even accept who you are.



When you're naked and turned on, there's really no wrong way or place to touch your partner - provided they like it. But not all erogenous zones are created equal, so below, experts unpack the sexiest of spots to stroke a dude.

"These are places on his body that are literal hot spots, loaded with supersensitive nerve endings that instantly rev him up when stimulated," explains Patti Britton, PhD, Los Angeles-based clinical sexologist and author of the The Complete Idiot's Guide to Sensual Massage. Here, check out our guide to those nine naughty triggers, as well as the specific lick, squeeze and stroke technique for each that will send him into orgasmic overdrive.




1. Those V-Lines:

Besides being hot and fun for you to look at, the v-zone is a hot bed of pleasure for your partner, as As clinical sexologist and psychotherapist Kristie Overstreetexplains. Not only is it a turn on that he gets front-row tickets to watching you stimulate him, but it’s an easy pit stop to make on the way to bone-town.

Try this: Have him lay on his back while you straddle him and give him what he really wants: a view of your scalp as you make your way down on him. Starting from his belly button, use your fingers and nails to trace a line down from his happy trail stopping before you hit total groin. Then retrace your steps, but use your tongue to trace a “V” shape from his hips to right above his penis. Draw it out and really tease him until he can’t take it any longer.


2. His Nipples:

While male nipples are basically the same as human nipples, they might even be more sensitive than yours since guys aren’t used to having them touched so often. "For a lot of men, their nipples are uncharted territory - an erogenous zone they haven't experimented with," explains Britton. Touch them, however, and you'll send shock waves of pleasure radiating through him, she adds.

Try this: Britton suggests having him lie on his back and slowly licking from his areola inwards, like an ice cream cone, but never touching tongue to nip. Get closer and closer until you flick his nipple with your tongue and then gently bite it. Britton says, “Men love when you slowly build up the pressure like that, so don’t be afraid to nip him harder than you would like to be,” If you wanna be really extra, you can suck on an ice cube beforehand for more sensation.

3. The Outside of His Lower Lip:

You know that spot between your lower lip and your chin where you usually break out? Yeah, the one that one hair always sprouts out of? That’s an erogenous zone! Lou Paget, author of The Big O and a certified sex educator, says that they’ve discovered that this tiny, delicate curve is actually packed with extrasensitive nerve receptors.

Try this: Suck his lower lip into your mouth the next time you’re making out and use the tip of your tongue to stroke this under-lip area. "That motion stimulates the whole erogenous zone in a teasing way, which will put him on the erotic edge," says Paget. "And by keeping his lower lip inside yours, you magnify the sensation. It'll feel as if electric currents are shooting from his mouth straight to his member."


4. The Front of His Neck:

I bet you’ve never thought about your dude’s Adam’s apple as an erogenous zone, huh? If you have, congrats, you should probably be writing this instead of me. But for the normies out there, the thought behind this stems from how the thyroid (just below the Adam’s apple) is “closely linked to the sex organs, according to ancient Chinese medicine,” according to reflexologist Mantak Chia, author of Sexual Reflexology.

Try This: Give him a throat job - no, not like that, (you can re-hinge your jaw now.) Have him lie on his back and literally just suck and his his Adam’s apple. Keep your tongue flat and light, not too much pressure! Massage the area with wide circular motions to ensure you’re hitting that T-spot of the thyroid.


5. The Head of His Penis:

As the most sensitive part of the penis, the head can be a fickle art to master. Barbara Keesling, PhD, and author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex, says it can be tricky to get the right level of pressure so you send him soaring into ecstasy, but without recoiling in sensory overload.

Try this: Give him a lipstick blowjob - AKA where you brush your closed but relaxed lips against the head of his penis, like you’re applying lipstick. Hold his shaft with your fingers, but not in a fist (avoid holding his penis like a microphone, but do approach it with the same blind confidence of a mediocre stand up act). Keesling suggests varying the sensations by opening your mouth a bit and rubbing his head between them.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

How do you refresh a boyfriend and a relationship that's gone stale? Here's some tips how.

1. Picture a better boyfriend

Your brain works in pictures. If you can’t visualise a better relationship, maybe it’s him who should be complaining. Drag queens broke their nails in a riot to earn you the right to wear hot pants to laser-strafed breakfast buffets, and you can’t even imagine a better boyfriend? Get creative and work out what you want. Try to be slightly realistic. Once you can picture a goal – such as him having sex with you again before the end of the year – you can start working towards it. Create the script required to make the scene work. Pile on more movie-related metaphors until something happens.
Difficulty level? Easy. Reality may be more problematic.




2. Shag like a different man

Been together for several years? Is your sex life a shadow of its former self? You need to shake the flaky skin off your moribund body, flex your muscles and throw him around the room like the good old days. Remember when your sex was so hot you thought something might snap? Get your mad staring eyes back, wave that hard-on at him and chuck him at a wall.
Difficulty level? Daunting. You’re scared of being yawned at, I know. But imagine how wild it would be if, completely unannounced, he walked into the bedroom dressed as, say, some kind of black leather villain dude and totally commanded you. Take the initiative.


3. Ditch the rules

Do you want to end up crying lonely tears into your boyfriend’s broken rules? No? So don’t make any – or at least limit them to big ones like “no sex with my dad”.
The more petty rules you make, the more get broken. It’ll leave you, the rule-maker, resembling the kind of bug-eyed bangle rattler who throws themselves off a building in the penultimate episode of a third-rate soap opera. Iconic rebels like James Dean, Marilyn Manson and TV Torchwood's Captian Jack managed without rules – and now must you.
Difficulty level? Tough, especially for those brought up by Daily Mail-subscribing suburbanites.

4. Is it really that big?

You know how people get upset when the police march into a green peace camp before protesters have even had a chance to erect their eco tent and direct a hand held solar panel at last night’s chick pea lasagne? They’re upset because the reaction was disproportionate. Your boyfriend will – albeit on a lesser scale – feel victimised when you tower over him like a steroid-addled macho who gets paid to dance like a muscle mary with devil horns at East Rand nightclubs, just because he looked at a rival dancer. Separate the rare misdeeds that constitute a crime against your relationship from everyday minor transgressions. Now put down that threatening power tool and make your body language more approachable.
Difficulty level? Red-blooded types will find this one a challenge. Try pretending a mirror is your badly behaved boyfriend and then do your angry face. Scary.



Wednesday, August 16, 2017

According to the World Health Organization, South Africa tends to be a very fat country indeed. It’s no wonder we’re becoming more and more infatuated with the fat acceptance movement.

Everyone knows our gay community worships youth and beauty (among other things) and we’ve all fallen victim to the trap on both sides at some point. Most of us fight desperately to get over it till the day we die. But there is another side to our community. A much wider and more accepting side, a side we hardly see, yet there are countless of guys who claim (and own) Chubby Chasing as part of their identity.




I admit it’s not exactly a politically correct term, but it’ll have to do for now. Depending on who you ask, you’re always going to get a new definition. Generally it refers to a man whose sexual attraction mainly lies on people with meat on their bones, and I mean lots. They like big people and for whatever reason, it’s at the top of their non-negotiable list when looking for a man on Grindr or searching for a life partner.

Having an attraction for big people is no different than a man who claims to like jocks, surfers, bikers or twinks. It’s what they’re attracted to, but what surprises me the most is how they’ve managed to surpass society’s standard message of beauty. As artificial and unrealistic as it may be, it’s damn near hard to dodge when we’re force fed it at an early age. In the gay community, there’s no escape from the message. Beauty is trained and shoved in our faces all our lives, so for a man to claim that he’s only interested in big people says a lot about where his heart and soul lie. It’s clear he’s been unspoiled by the artificial world. That, or he just doesn’t give a f**k what anyone thinks.

Like most other fantasies or fetishes, chubby chasing is often tied to an association of some sort. But there is a difference between fantasizing about “fat sex” and wanting to welcome intimacy with big people only. The former is tied to sex while the latter is associated by generalizations.

We usually know the kind of guys we’re attracted to from an early age, and more often than not it has to do with a link to our childhood experience. The environment in which we’ve lived in, the kind of people we were around, the guys who befriended us from the start, even bullied us, all might have an effect on the guys we’re drawn to throughout our lives. When you say you “only like black guys” or “only like tatted guys” or “only like fat guys,” you are generalizing a person based on past experiences.



Tuesday, August 15, 2017

When it comes to grooming, men have followed the lead of women in recent years, and opted for a hair free body.

Lady lawns are increasingly manicured and man rugs ever-dwindling.

There is no shame in a man admitting to waxing or shaving these days, preferring a polished torso to a hairy chest.




1. What a pity.

Nothing wrong with a bit of a tidy up but men stripping themselves of all masculinity completely seems a waste. Give me a rug over a smooth chest any day of the week.

2. I love dogs so…



The best dog I ever owned was a pit bull; he was huge, unfathomably strong, kind, and loyal. There’s something completely adorable about a creature that seems so mean and powerful; but is actually incredibly sweet on the inside. Honestly, I’d rather not open conversation about sex with a comparison between men and dogs- but, hear me out; the reason I love pit bulls is the essentially same reason why many women and gay men love hairy, husky dudes.

3. Our babies tho.


Besides, I don’t think I can even help it, guys! It’s my ovaries talking. There’s a primal attraction to a whiskered man that physically takes up a lot of space in the world- and that instinctual process goes something like this: “Ooga chakka, this man can put babies inside me! Those babies will grow up to be big and strong! Impregnate Me, Big Boy!”

4. Something to hold on to

When I think of my dream man- he’s strong, kind and patient, he’s good with his hands and gets shit done. He doesn’t need to be rich or fancy, and when I imagine a man that embodies those stereotypes- I like to think of him being.. a little bit refrigerator like. And covered in a thick down of hair. And probably tattoos as well. Besides, having something big to hold onto is super sexy and comforting. I don’t NEED protecting or to be looked after, but it’s nice to feel that if I wanted that; the option is there. I’m definitely guilty of some masculine fetishization here, and as a feminist artist who actively rebels against societal gender expectations, the problematic nature of my double standard feels a little icky. Icky, but sexy. But like with most fetishes- it’s the complicated ones that are the sexiest.



Monday, August 14, 2017

Dating can be hard to do. Though there are many places out there at our disposal, it’s hard to actually see them when they’re directly in front of us. We’re too busy thinking of personally responsibilities that we often forget the basics of what a date should be: connected, fun and privacy.

You’re not the only one who’s having trouble figuring out creative dates. Most gay couples often limit themselves, thinking they ought to stick inside the gayborhoods or gay-friendly events. Nothing is further from the truth. It’s time to spread our wings and take a bite of what the world has to offer! Here are a few ideas I know you’ll eat up:




1. Cook Dinner Together in your underwear. 


Make sure it’s a mutual affair. Go to the store, decide on the ingredients together and be next to each other behind the stove, flipping and stirring as necessary. Fondue and pizza are my favorite things to make with a man. They’re both fun, easy to make, and require little clean up. To add a little spice, get naked and put an apron on – there’ll be no need to make dessert.

2. Build forts out of furniture and blankets and pretend like you’re camping and/or pretend like you’re at war with paper plans and pillow bombs. Sure it might seem childish, but you’ll be doing it together. Bring the laptop inside the fort and watch your favorite show. This will be the icing on the cake. Have you ever hooked up inside a fort made of cushions? It’s hysterically fun. Try it out.

3. Take random selfies with each other around the city doing crazy things, i.e. climbing trees, pretending to sleep on a bench, making sand angels, jumping in place on a cross walk. No matter where you go or what you do, it should always be spontaneous. Trust me, by the end of the day your stomach will be hurting from all the ridiculous laughter that’s inevitable to ensue.

4. Go for a drive
and find a restaurant in a city you’ve never visited before. A random drive and dine is always going to lead to adventure and bonding. It’s fun, unplanned and exercises your ability to try new things. Who knows. Maybe the more adventures you have the more adventurous you’ll become in other aspects of the relationship, i.e. the bedroom.


5. Star gazing is a romantic idea. 

Take a walk in the park just before sunset and whip out the blanket. Once the stars are out, lie down on your backs and count the stars. Bring a bottle of wine while you’re at it.

6. Double date game night is always a good idea.


Invite Couples over to play Pictionary, Heads Up, Charades, or any other of your favorite games. Make sure the teams are in their appropriate couples at first. That way if you win, it will only validate the connection you have which might bloom into sexual tension later on. After that, switch the teams and tease each other a little.

7. Paint your own pottery studies are awesome. 


It gives you and him a chance to paint a sculpture of your choice while giving you opportunities to express your creative sides to each other. The environment is always relaxed and welcomes interesting conversations, plus you can also have a little fun by “accidentally” starting a face-paint war (but only if it won’t get him angry). The aftermath are always epic selfies you’ll never delete. Color Me Mine is a great studio that has multiple locations. 


Sunday, August 13, 2017

The war on pubic hair has officially begun! More and more studies are pointing to an increase in benefits in not shaving your pubic hair, even though that goes against the popular norm. Shaving body hair is nothing new. Ever since pornography became main stream, people across the globe are spending countless hours every week removing any evidence that hair existed anywhere but on top of their head. 

The most common body areas depilated are the underarms, legs, pubic area, eyebrows, and face for females; and the face, abdomen, back, chest, groin, and legs for males. While some people prefer wax, shaving is the most common method used for the underarms, legs, and pubic area. Pubic shaving actually originated in ancient Egypt and Greece when prostitutes had to shave for both hygienic reasons and as a clear sign of their profession. 



Although female body shaving was established as the norm between 1915 and 1945, pubic hair removal did not actually gain a strong foothold until the 1980’s. So why are people starting to declare war on pubic hair? While there is a “visual” advantage to shaving, it may not be the best thing for you to do.

1. Skin Problems In Your Private Area


Removing your pubic hair naturally irritates and inflames the hair follicles, leaving microscopic open wounds. Frequent hair removal is necessary to stay smooth, causing regular irritation of the shaved or waxed area. Many doctors say it is not unusual to find patients with boils and abscesses on their genitals from shaving as well as cellulitis, an infection of the scrotum. Being on the private parts, these skin issues are often more uncomfortable than they would be on other parts of the body.

2. Higher Risk For Genital Warts

If you shave your pubic hair, you are putting yourself at a higher risk of contracting genital warts. Although pubic hair doesn’t completely prevent it, it helps avoid skin on skin contact with someone who may already have it. Genital warts are warts that are located near or on the genital areas. In a female, that means on or near the vulva (the outside genital area), vagina, cervix, or anus. In a male, that means near or on the penis, scrotum, or anus. Warts appear as bumps or growths. They can be flat or raised, single or many, small or large. They tend to be whitish or flesh colored. They are not always easy to see with the naked eye, and many times a person with genital warts doesn’t know that they’re there.


3. Pubic Hair Helps Control Your Body Temperature.

It’s no secret that any hair helps regulate your body temperature. How exactly? Hair follicles help with sweating. There is a sebaceous gland on each hair follecule which releases oils onto the hair, which allows the oils to go up to the skins surface. When this oil evaporates it cools the skin because of its latent heat.

4. Pubic Hair Actually Protects You

Among protecting you from diseases and skin problems, pubic hair helps you to prevent foreign particles like dust and pathogenic bacteria from entering your body. Dust and bacteria are often times accredited to creating terrible irritation.

5. Pubic Hair Contains Pheromones.

Scientists believe that pubic hair retains sexual secretions that we know as being called pheromones. This is what attracts us to each other. The body gives off more pheromones as you sweat and those secretions are retained in the pubic hair regions.



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