All single people spend an inordinate amount of time wondering where they’re going to meet attractive, eligible members of their preferred sex.
But on the surface, this question seems a little tougher to answer for gay men than for the straights, primarily because straight people sort of assume that everywhere they go they’re going to meet other straight people, while gay people can’t make the same assumptions.
Still, there are plenty of great places gay men can meet other gay men, and in practice, these places don’t look that much different than the sorts of places straight people meet their matches.
It’s a Catch-22, so instead of trying to work out this chicken-or-the-egg scenario, just relax into the knowledge you will find many, many, many more gay people living in cities than a small town.
All this means is that if you’re a gay man and you want to meet and date other gay men, you should consider moving to a city if you don’t already live in one.
The bigger the city the better. Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Chicago, Miami, Philadelphia, New York… pick one, move there and watch your dating life become a whole lot easier.
“If it helps you find the man you’re looking for, you might as well tap every resource.”
As long as your friends are cool with the fact that you’re gay (and they really should be if they’re your friends), then they are ready, willing and able to hook you up with other gay men you might want to date.
If your friend circle is primarily filled with other gay people, then trying to find a date through your friends is a no-brainer. They will know who is single, who’s taken, who’s looking for a relationship, who’s looking for a hookup and with whom you’re likely to share a mutual attraction.
Provided you live in a major metropolitan center, the number one way you can meet gay men to date is to make gay friends and let them know what you’re looking for.
Even if your friends are mostly straight people, those friends will be MORE than happy to help you find other men to date. Straight people love to hook up their gay friends for a bunch of reasons.
First of all, it’s usually pretty easy since straight people don’t usually have dozens and dozens of gay friends. They usually have a few gay friends, which makes the whole pairing up process a simple matter.
Straight people also like to set up their gay friends as a way of banishing whatever lingering hetero-guilt they might have.
Yeah, this is a little paternalistic, but if it helps you find the man you’re looking for, you might as well tap every resource you can think of, and letting your straight friends feel better about being part of the hetero-normative majority by finding you a cute guy is a relatively harmless win-win for everyone involved.
But on the surface, this question seems a little tougher to answer for gay men than for the straights, primarily because straight people sort of assume that everywhere they go they’re going to meet other straight people, while gay people can’t make the same assumptions.
Still, there are plenty of great places gay men can meet other gay men, and in practice, these places don’t look that much different than the sorts of places straight people meet their matches.
1. Cities.
As a general rule, cities have much larger populations of gay people than rural areas and suburbs. On one hand, cities tend to be much safer and more welcoming environments for gay people than less densely populated locations, but gay people also tend to flock to cities because, well, there are a lot of gay people already living in cities.It’s a Catch-22, so instead of trying to work out this chicken-or-the-egg scenario, just relax into the knowledge you will find many, many, many more gay people living in cities than a small town.
All this means is that if you’re a gay man and you want to meet and date other gay men, you should consider moving to a city if you don’t already live in one.
The bigger the city the better. Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Chicago, Miami, Philadelphia, New York… pick one, move there and watch your dating life become a whole lot easier.
“If it helps you find the man you’re looking for, you might as well tap every resource.”
2. Your friend circle.
The number one place people meet each other is through their friends, and this is as true for the gays as for the straights. It doesn’t really matter what your friend circle looks like either.As long as your friends are cool with the fact that you’re gay (and they really should be if they’re your friends), then they are ready, willing and able to hook you up with other gay men you might want to date.
If your friend circle is primarily filled with other gay people, then trying to find a date through your friends is a no-brainer. They will know who is single, who’s taken, who’s looking for a relationship, who’s looking for a hookup and with whom you’re likely to share a mutual attraction.
Provided you live in a major metropolitan center, the number one way you can meet gay men to date is to make gay friends and let them know what you’re looking for.
Even if your friends are mostly straight people, those friends will be MORE than happy to help you find other men to date. Straight people love to hook up their gay friends for a bunch of reasons.
First of all, it’s usually pretty easy since straight people don’t usually have dozens and dozens of gay friends. They usually have a few gay friends, which makes the whole pairing up process a simple matter.
Straight people also like to set up their gay friends as a way of banishing whatever lingering hetero-guilt they might have.
Yeah, this is a little paternalistic, but if it helps you find the man you’re looking for, you might as well tap every resource you can think of, and letting your straight friends feel better about being part of the hetero-normative majority by finding you a cute guy is a relatively harmless win-win for everyone involved.
3. LGBT Volunteer Groups
Volunteering is a great way to meet gay men who share similar beliefs and passions to yours. You can help make a difference in people’s lives and maybe even find someone special along the way. Examples include the Human Rights Campaign, political offices, and gay youth group organizations.
I’ve been asked to speak pro-bono at gay community centers and to youth groups, and I found it brought me into contact with other individuals who share comparable values and interests. It’s been great for me in terms of making new friends and networking contacts. And, for some of you out there, this might be an excellent way to meet other single guys who could make good boyfriend material if the spark is there.
The key is to put yourself in settings that resonate with your value system and philosophy on life. I’ve had clients who’ve had success meeting others at charity drives, church functions, and animal rescues all because they took the time to volunteer for worthy causes. They were unexpectedly rewarded with broadening their social circles and dating opportunities with like-minded people.
For example, in Chicago we have a summer festival called Market Days where the local gayborhood is filled with booths featuring crafts, not-for-profit organizations, commercial businesses marketing their services and products, and an entertainment stage with singing acts and other performers. It’s an interesting way to mix and mingle with passersby on the street while getting a fabulous tan and learning more about what the community has to offer.
Check out your local newspaper or gay publications to learn what events may be popping up in your community in the near future so you can participate.
Individuals who are on the shy side or struggle with social anxiety do well in these settings because they offer a built-in structure that takes the pressure off having to spontaneously mingle in an unfamiliar and potentially uncomfortable environment.
Whatever context strikes your fancy, just show up, be yourself, and don’t be afraid to initiate conversations with others. Develop the mantra “no more missed opportunities” so you can meet as many dating prospects as possible.
I’ve been asked to speak pro-bono at gay community centers and to youth groups, and I found it brought me into contact with other individuals who share comparable values and interests. It’s been great for me in terms of making new friends and networking contacts. And, for some of you out there, this might be an excellent way to meet other single guys who could make good boyfriend material if the spark is there.
The key is to put yourself in settings that resonate with your value system and philosophy on life. I’ve had clients who’ve had success meeting others at charity drives, church functions, and animal rescues all because they took the time to volunteer for worthy causes. They were unexpectedly rewarded with broadening their social circles and dating opportunities with like-minded people.
4. Online Dating Sites
There are a lot of great dating sites out there for gay men, and, in our expert opinion, Match.com really is the best one, even if it’s not strictly a gay dating site. With more than 1 million homosexual members paying for the service, Match is #1 in our eyes because it has the quantity and quality. Men who are willing to pay to be on a dating site are more likely to be serious about the process and less likely to flake on you.5. Parades & Events Catering to or Sponsored By the Gay Community
Attend community happenings and events where gay men will be represented in greater numbers. These include things like gay pride parades and parties, talks, groups, and other activities that are held at LGBT community centers.For example, in Chicago we have a summer festival called Market Days where the local gayborhood is filled with booths featuring crafts, not-for-profit organizations, commercial businesses marketing their services and products, and an entertainment stage with singing acts and other performers. It’s an interesting way to mix and mingle with passersby on the street while getting a fabulous tan and learning more about what the community has to offer.
Check out your local newspaper or gay publications to learn what events may be popping up in your community in the near future so you can participate.
6. Speed Dating & Other Activities Specific to Gay Singles
It’s really easy to meet gay guys at gay-specific events, and while that may seem obvious, it has to be said. Gay speed dating events, drag queen shows, workshops and classes with gay topics, gay sporting leagues, MeetUp.com gay groups, gay support groups, gay bars and lounges - you name it and the gay men will be there.Individuals who are on the shy side or struggle with social anxiety do well in these settings because they offer a built-in structure that takes the pressure off having to spontaneously mingle in an unfamiliar and potentially uncomfortable environment.
Whatever context strikes your fancy, just show up, be yourself, and don’t be afraid to initiate conversations with others. Develop the mantra “no more missed opportunities” so you can meet as many dating prospects as possible.
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