My idea of beauty can be described as vague. I know what the world tells me to believe is beautiful but lately I’ve started to distance myself from the idea altogether. Who is right: them or me?
Gay men see beauty in a different way than women do. Growing up as boys in a male-dominated world makes it easier to judge girls rather than ourselves, that is, until we become a men. Then the focus is on us.
Women are objectified as early as fourteen by males (gay and straight alike). As a child I worried about being tough and dominant, but the girls around me worried about being pretty and valuable—something I never really worried about until I was older.
The second I came out of the closet it was as if I teleported back in time as a fourteen-year-old girl—self-judging, naïve and desperate for value; value found in beauty. I turned objectification towards myself because it’s what I became accustomed to—not just as a gay man, but as a result of my society.
Why has our culture trained each other to objectify? Beauty is one of our biggest currencies and we use to buy and sell each other’s self-worth.
When I first started dating men, I couldn’t help but assume I wasn’t good enough yet. There’s always a “yet,” as if one day we will reach a stopping point to perfection: Here I am, yes, I’m finally perfect! We’re always striving for that moment but it never comes because there’s no such thing asperfection.
No man wants to be reminded that his body isn’t perfect—imperfect according to whom? The world? Gay porn? Movies? Standards expect to be shared, not ignored. It’s a subliminal mindf*ck we pass from person to person until we convince ourselves it’s true.
Why haven’t we seen big men on TV or film represented as an object of desire? If they are it’s usually written, directed and produced by the actor in question; and even then, he has the hottest actress in the world playing his wife (so realistic, right?). The truth of the matter is straight men can easily place themselves on top of the totem pole because no one has the audacity to question it.
We have no choice but to ride the waves of whatever our culture deems is beautiful, and that changes from decade to decade. It doesn’t have to be realistic, but it does need to be imaginable. To a young gay guy who isn’t secure just yet, self-judgment becomes a very bad habit to break.
What does beauty actually mean to a gay guy? Is it self-worth and value, or does it exist physically?
For years I struggled to accept my own beauty because I looked at it from the outside in (what I want the world think of me) rather than the inside out (what I think of the world). The second I started judging beauty based on what my heart contended, I finally saw its true form.
Beauty lies in the courage and strength of an individual—courage to be good rather than popular, and strength to unleash honesty amidst a world of lies. That’s real beauty. Anything else is an excuse not to look deeper.
Source: gayguys
Gay men see beauty in a different way than women do. Growing up as boys in a male-dominated world makes it easier to judge girls rather than ourselves, that is, until we become a men. Then the focus is on us.
Women are objectified as early as fourteen by males (gay and straight alike). As a child I worried about being tough and dominant, but the girls around me worried about being pretty and valuable—something I never really worried about until I was older.
The second I came out of the closet it was as if I teleported back in time as a fourteen-year-old girl—self-judging, naïve and desperate for value; value found in beauty. I turned objectification towards myself because it’s what I became accustomed to—not just as a gay man, but as a result of my society.
Why has our culture trained each other to objectify? Beauty is one of our biggest currencies and we use to buy and sell each other’s self-worth.
When I first started dating men, I couldn’t help but assume I wasn’t good enough yet. There’s always a “yet,” as if one day we will reach a stopping point to perfection: Here I am, yes, I’m finally perfect! We’re always striving for that moment but it never comes because there’s no such thing asperfection.
No man wants to be reminded that his body isn’t perfect—imperfect according to whom? The world? Gay porn? Movies? Standards expect to be shared, not ignored. It’s a subliminal mindf*ck we pass from person to person until we convince ourselves it’s true.
Why haven’t we seen big men on TV or film represented as an object of desire? If they are it’s usually written, directed and produced by the actor in question; and even then, he has the hottest actress in the world playing his wife (so realistic, right?). The truth of the matter is straight men can easily place themselves on top of the totem pole because no one has the audacity to question it.
We have no choice but to ride the waves of whatever our culture deems is beautiful, and that changes from decade to decade. It doesn’t have to be realistic, but it does need to be imaginable. To a young gay guy who isn’t secure just yet, self-judgment becomes a very bad habit to break.
What does beauty actually mean to a gay guy? Is it self-worth and value, or does it exist physically?
For years I struggled to accept my own beauty because I looked at it from the outside in (what I want the world think of me) rather than the inside out (what I think of the world). The second I started judging beauty based on what my heart contended, I finally saw its true form.
Beauty lies in the courage and strength of an individual—courage to be good rather than popular, and strength to unleash honesty amidst a world of lies. That’s real beauty. Anything else is an excuse not to look deeper.
Source: gayguys
0 Comments