Skills are crucial for surviving in a digitally obsessed world. Being gay today requires self-affirmation of our strength, potential, and place in today’s culture. Whether we know it or not, we are living the dreams of countless LGBT men from previous generations. It’s high time we start growing some self-confidence.
A gay men should have a bit of dignity for himself, and the best way to gain such dignity is by opening himself up to new experiences. I believe today’s culture requires us to posses certain skills (outside the bedroom), many of which I think can benefit our livelihood both personally and structurally. Say what you want about them, but I believe the every gay men needs to learn do the following:
A gay men should have a bit of dignity for himself, and the best way to gain such dignity is by opening himself up to new experiences. I believe today’s culture requires us to posses certain skills (outside the bedroom), many of which I think can benefit our livelihood both personally and structurally. Say what you want about them, but I believe the every gay men needs to learn do the following:
1. How to Handle Come-Ons When You Have a Boyfriend
Being flirted with is expected in the gay community. We’re all men and in order for us to figure out if you’re single or partnered, the first major step is to get a little flirt going. If you think about it, it’s harmless, but sometimes it can go a little overboard.
A men who doesn’t know how to stop probablywon’t until you put your foot down. Don’t be harsh or critical; it takes balls to flirt with guys nowadays so give him credit for that. You ought to be flattered that you still got “it.” The choice to stay monogamous was yours and putting it into practice is a conscious effort in many ways. Handling come-ons in the most appropriate way should make you feel good. You’ll leave knowing you made the right decision, which will only ignite a tighter bond with you and your men – whether you tell him or not.
2. Approaching a Hot Guy You Assume is Out of Your League
Beautiful men are everywhere (not just at gay bars or in the scene). One of the most common misconceptions about really attractive guys is that they “know they’re hot.” This might be true for pretentious dudes twerking in the clubs, but if you spot one in a grocery store or at the dog park, chances are you’re making an unfair assessment. The only way you’re ever going to get better at approaching people is to simply take the plunge. You have one life. What do you have to lose?
The best way to start a conversations is by, surprise surprise, small talk. Breaking the ice can be challenging if you’re not used to doing it. A lack of confidence is rooted with a lack of self-belief. Believe in yourself and what you have to offer; you’ll soon see how quickly your attitude shifts. You’ll be much more focused on the present rather than the future (aka: a fear of him rejecting you). You make up the rules. Flirting is a skill every single gay man ought to ripen.
3. Getting a Bartender’s Attention in a Crowded Place
Nothing sucks more than when you’re flirting with a hot man, offer to buy him a drink, and you end up waiting ten minutes to flag down the bartender. I hate awkward pauses, so pay attention.
First, find a good spot. The best areas are directly in front of his/her station (i.e. where they’re actually mixing the drinks). The further you are from the station, the longer you’ll wait. Second, have the money in your hand so the bartender can see it, but don’t gesture or wave it around like he/she is a stripper. Make eye contact and wait for them to approach you. Third, give a good tip. Trust me, they will remember you for the next round.
4. Knowing How To Handle Assholes on Grindr
There are plenty of Grindr users who are racist, prejudice, and shallow; but not all of them are. Contrary to popular belief, there are decent human beings online who are looking for something genuine. Why they’re looking for it on Grindr, I have no idea.
When you come across a person who is blatantly racist, shallow, or wants nothing to with you, writing things like “Sorry. Not interested. Bye” or “white only” or “I don’t think we’re a match, babe…” or “not my type” the best thing to do is to not take it personally. Once you’re done fuming, you’ll probably realize the guy you’re talking is a piece of shit anyway. Instead of letting him have your anger and ruining your mood for the rest of the day, all you have to do is block him immediately. Any wasted time thinking up one-liners or baring your heart via bitchy punch lines will only defame your pride. If you don’t like these kinds of people, do yourself a favor and start blocking them before you even write them a message. Don’t bother wasting your time repeating history.
5. Taking a Hell of a Good Picture
I know, I know… finding the right pose to take a good picture might seem a bit forced, even fake, but everything is digital now. Having great pics to look at and think “Damn, I look good” will not only boost your esteem, but will give others an opportunity to see you at your best. Who doesn’t want that?
I suggest finding a picture of yourself you actually like and study it: How are you holding your head? How is your body positioned? How are you smiling? What body parts are you accentuating? These are the building blocks towards creating the ideal “angle” you hear models talk about all the time.
Trust me when I tell you not to look directly in the camera – the hottest of male celebs know this. You want a defined jawline, so drop your chin just a tad and rotate your face either to the left or right. Align your spine (to make you look taller); put one leg slightly forward and bent while the other is slightly back and locked, then rotate the hips slightly. If you do it right, you should look stronger and leaner than normal. And of course, don’t forget to smile! It’s your calling card.
6. Giving the Best Massage in the World
Everyone knows that once you give a good massage, it’s all over. Human touch is primal and instinctive. It connects nerves to our brains and keeps us coming back for more. Whether you’re single, dating, or in a relationship, a massage is a great thing to offer behind closed doors.
First, pick proper oil. My favorite is lavender (lightly spiked with my favorite pheromone oil I buy at the corner sex shop). When the man is lying down on his stomach, pay attention to how his spine is aligned. The space just outside of the spine, when rubbed, sends shivers down to his man bits. But before you work your fingers down that heavenly pathway, start at the neckline. Don’t knead it like dough, but gently press and slide (towards the slope where the shoulders meet arms).
Don’t touch the bone of the spine, but rather the surfaces on either side. Use your thumbs to make circular motions while also sliding down the trail to his lower back simultaneously. Freestyle your way around the area, touching the upper back and working your fingers towards the shoulders whenever you feel like it. Finish up by using the palm of your hand to work the buttock area. Don’t make the whole thing less than 20 minutes – sometimes I don’t even get passed fifteen before things turn steamy.
7. Knowing How to be the Life of the Party
If you make a person laugh, you can make them do anything you want. The funny guy is always invited to places, he tends to be more successful in the workplace, and he tends to gain more respect than his peers. The whole reason behind this is because he makes people around him laugh without making fun of them, plus, he isn’t stingy about keeping the spotlight for himself.
American humor sadly tends to be focused on making fun of people, whether their present or not. If you truly want to be the life of the party, change your sense of humor to general observations and/or spontaneous situations. This will trigger something profound in the room as well as inside people’s hearts. You’ll be known as the funny guy who brings humor everywhere he goes – not the guy who’s making fun of everyone and everything.
8. Knowing How to Make a Great Breakfast
The first thing you need to know about making a great breakfast is preparation. Always be prepared with ingredients in case a man decides to sleep over, or if friends stay the night. Orange juice, a few grapefruits, strawberries and bananas, pancake/waffle mix, milk, syrup, and bread/jelly are easy to stock. Think about what your favorite foods are because you will always make that one the best. Mine are homemade pancakes. You want to really impress a guy? Make pancakes from scratch.
9. Knowing How to Console Emotional People
I used to be such a clown that I never knew how to take it down a notch, especially when someone was upset, angry, or crying. Gay guys nowadays are so eager to lift people’s spirits many of them have forgotten that sometimes the best thing to do islisten.
I always keep a handkerchief or tissues either in my car or in my bag in case of situations like these. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help, chances are, they’ll say no. If it’s your best friend, or even your boyfriend, just being present is enough. Pull out the handkerchief and say, “Don’t worry. It’s clean.” Hopefully this will make them laugh. Let him/her express their feelings at their own pace. There’s no need to feel awkward or to try and distance yourself because you don’t know how to handle it. Let them use your shoulder to cry on – that’s it. After it’s over, tell them to keep the hanky.
Being flirted with is expected in the gay community. We’re all men and in order for us to figure out if you’re single or partnered, the first major step is to get a little flirt going. If you think about it, it’s harmless, but sometimes it can go a little overboard.
A men who doesn’t know how to stop probablywon’t until you put your foot down. Don’t be harsh or critical; it takes balls to flirt with guys nowadays so give him credit for that. You ought to be flattered that you still got “it.” The choice to stay monogamous was yours and putting it into practice is a conscious effort in many ways. Handling come-ons in the most appropriate way should make you feel good. You’ll leave knowing you made the right decision, which will only ignite a tighter bond with you and your men – whether you tell him or not.
2. Approaching a Hot Guy You Assume is Out of Your League
Beautiful men are everywhere (not just at gay bars or in the scene). One of the most common misconceptions about really attractive guys is that they “know they’re hot.” This might be true for pretentious dudes twerking in the clubs, but if you spot one in a grocery store or at the dog park, chances are you’re making an unfair assessment. The only way you’re ever going to get better at approaching people is to simply take the plunge. You have one life. What do you have to lose?
The best way to start a conversations is by, surprise surprise, small talk. Breaking the ice can be challenging if you’re not used to doing it. A lack of confidence is rooted with a lack of self-belief. Believe in yourself and what you have to offer; you’ll soon see how quickly your attitude shifts. You’ll be much more focused on the present rather than the future (aka: a fear of him rejecting you). You make up the rules. Flirting is a skill every single gay man ought to ripen.
3. Getting a Bartender’s Attention in a Crowded Place
Nothing sucks more than when you’re flirting with a hot man, offer to buy him a drink, and you end up waiting ten minutes to flag down the bartender. I hate awkward pauses, so pay attention.
First, find a good spot. The best areas are directly in front of his/her station (i.e. where they’re actually mixing the drinks). The further you are from the station, the longer you’ll wait. Second, have the money in your hand so the bartender can see it, but don’t gesture or wave it around like he/she is a stripper. Make eye contact and wait for them to approach you. Third, give a good tip. Trust me, they will remember you for the next round.
4. Knowing How To Handle Assholes on Grindr
There are plenty of Grindr users who are racist, prejudice, and shallow; but not all of them are. Contrary to popular belief, there are decent human beings online who are looking for something genuine. Why they’re looking for it on Grindr, I have no idea.
When you come across a person who is blatantly racist, shallow, or wants nothing to with you, writing things like “Sorry. Not interested. Bye” or “white only” or “I don’t think we’re a match, babe…” or “not my type” the best thing to do is to not take it personally. Once you’re done fuming, you’ll probably realize the guy you’re talking is a piece of shit anyway. Instead of letting him have your anger and ruining your mood for the rest of the day, all you have to do is block him immediately. Any wasted time thinking up one-liners or baring your heart via bitchy punch lines will only defame your pride. If you don’t like these kinds of people, do yourself a favor and start blocking them before you even write them a message. Don’t bother wasting your time repeating history.
5. Taking a Hell of a Good Picture
I know, I know… finding the right pose to take a good picture might seem a bit forced, even fake, but everything is digital now. Having great pics to look at and think “Damn, I look good” will not only boost your esteem, but will give others an opportunity to see you at your best. Who doesn’t want that?
I suggest finding a picture of yourself you actually like and study it: How are you holding your head? How is your body positioned? How are you smiling? What body parts are you accentuating? These are the building blocks towards creating the ideal “angle” you hear models talk about all the time.
Trust me when I tell you not to look directly in the camera – the hottest of male celebs know this. You want a defined jawline, so drop your chin just a tad and rotate your face either to the left or right. Align your spine (to make you look taller); put one leg slightly forward and bent while the other is slightly back and locked, then rotate the hips slightly. If you do it right, you should look stronger and leaner than normal. And of course, don’t forget to smile! It’s your calling card.
6. Giving the Best Massage in the World
Everyone knows that once you give a good massage, it’s all over. Human touch is primal and instinctive. It connects nerves to our brains and keeps us coming back for more. Whether you’re single, dating, or in a relationship, a massage is a great thing to offer behind closed doors.
First, pick proper oil. My favorite is lavender (lightly spiked with my favorite pheromone oil I buy at the corner sex shop). When the man is lying down on his stomach, pay attention to how his spine is aligned. The space just outside of the spine, when rubbed, sends shivers down to his man bits. But before you work your fingers down that heavenly pathway, start at the neckline. Don’t knead it like dough, but gently press and slide (towards the slope where the shoulders meet arms).
Don’t touch the bone of the spine, but rather the surfaces on either side. Use your thumbs to make circular motions while also sliding down the trail to his lower back simultaneously. Freestyle your way around the area, touching the upper back and working your fingers towards the shoulders whenever you feel like it. Finish up by using the palm of your hand to work the buttock area. Don’t make the whole thing less than 20 minutes – sometimes I don’t even get passed fifteen before things turn steamy.
7. Knowing How to be the Life of the Party
If you make a person laugh, you can make them do anything you want. The funny guy is always invited to places, he tends to be more successful in the workplace, and he tends to gain more respect than his peers. The whole reason behind this is because he makes people around him laugh without making fun of them, plus, he isn’t stingy about keeping the spotlight for himself.
American humor sadly tends to be focused on making fun of people, whether their present or not. If you truly want to be the life of the party, change your sense of humor to general observations and/or spontaneous situations. This will trigger something profound in the room as well as inside people’s hearts. You’ll be known as the funny guy who brings humor everywhere he goes – not the guy who’s making fun of everyone and everything.
8. Knowing How to Make a Great Breakfast
The first thing you need to know about making a great breakfast is preparation. Always be prepared with ingredients in case a man decides to sleep over, or if friends stay the night. Orange juice, a few grapefruits, strawberries and bananas, pancake/waffle mix, milk, syrup, and bread/jelly are easy to stock. Think about what your favorite foods are because you will always make that one the best. Mine are homemade pancakes. You want to really impress a guy? Make pancakes from scratch.
9. Knowing How to Console Emotional People
I used to be such a clown that I never knew how to take it down a notch, especially when someone was upset, angry, or crying. Gay guys nowadays are so eager to lift people’s spirits many of them have forgotten that sometimes the best thing to do islisten.
I always keep a handkerchief or tissues either in my car or in my bag in case of situations like these. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help, chances are, they’ll say no. If it’s your best friend, or even your boyfriend, just being present is enough. Pull out the handkerchief and say, “Don’t worry. It’s clean.” Hopefully this will make them laugh. Let him/her express their feelings at their own pace. There’s no need to feel awkward or to try and distance yourself because you don’t know how to handle it. Let them use your shoulder to cry on – that’s it. After it’s over, tell them to keep the hanky.
10. Being Able to Play One Song on the Guitar
I’ve known how to play guitar since I was 13 and I can personally attest to the power it’s given me. You don’t have to be the best player in the world, trust me, it’s a lot cuter when you’re not. The easiest chords you can learn are G, C, E minor, and D – not the original fingerings, but the easy 2001 singer-songwriter-inspired ones. Ask any party guitarist and they’ll know which ones I’m talking about.
With these four chords, you can create any song you want. Besides attracting people to you, guitar playing is a great form of therapy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve whipped my instrument out while I was sad and played my emotions through. Keep the guitar on display at your apartment so anyone who knows how to play will be inspired to. Before you know it, every dinner party will turn into a music festival.
I’ve known how to play guitar since I was 13 and I can personally attest to the power it’s given me. You don’t have to be the best player in the world, trust me, it’s a lot cuter when you’re not. The easiest chords you can learn are G, C, E minor, and D – not the original fingerings, but the easy 2001 singer-songwriter-inspired ones. Ask any party guitarist and they’ll know which ones I’m talking about.
With these four chords, you can create any song you want. Besides attracting people to you, guitar playing is a great form of therapy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve whipped my instrument out while I was sad and played my emotions through. Keep the guitar on display at your apartment so anyone who knows how to play will be inspired to. Before you know it, every dinner party will turn into a music festival.
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