We think every gay men under the age of 30 has some kind of Grindr story. We don’t know a single one who doesn’t have pictures of them floating around in the stratosphere – We are talking to you!
Gay men of the world, stop stressing out over Grindr. We all know what it’s there for so there’s no use in trying to have a highbrow. What we can control, however, is the way we use it. Too many creeps think they’re doing it right, honey. They log on, peruse the network and cry themselves to sleep because they think the world hates them. But trust us, if you want to get luck on Grindr, it’s all in the delivery. Let’s talk about it:
Gay men of the world, stop stressing out over Grindr. We all know what it’s there for so there’s no use in trying to have a highbrow. What we can control, however, is the way we use it. Too many creeps think they’re doing it right, honey. They log on, peruse the network and cry themselves to sleep because they think the world hates them. But trust us, if you want to get luck on Grindr, it’s all in the delivery. Let’s talk about it:
1. Please double check your autocorrect.
We can’t tell you how many times a man has messaged me, “Damn you’re so hotch. I want to suck your dock.”
I mean… I understand what you’re saying similar to how I might understand my Chihuahua when she needs to go peepee, but I just learned two things from you: either you’re talking to too many guys at once and don’t have time to look it over, or you just don’t give a f**k about it because you’re drunk and horny.
Not saying you still might not get lucky, but come on, put in a little effort to enhance my fantasies a bit more. Doesn’t that sound nice?
2. Don’t ever put “N/A” on everything without having a profile pic.
Who the hell am I talking to, a ghost? Trust me, if you want to communicate with someone on Grindr, you need to give him some bait. I don’t know anyone desperate enough to talk to not only an invisible face, but invisible stats as well. You’re not even giving me enough information to create an imaginary face and body. Bye bye!
3. Mean what you say and say what you mean!
The way you “market” yourself on Grindr is how men are going to assume you to be. If you aren’t up to par on that, 90% of the time they’ll be unpleasantly surprised.
For example, if you say, “I’m a nice guy so please only say nice things,” you’re probably going to attract guys who want to have a nice conversation before you jump to the nudes. If you instantly send him a picture of your penis before any words are exchanged, he might be a tad bit surprised. The same can be said for the alternative as well. You can’t display yourself as a man who is “looking for right now” and isn’t “looking to send a bunch of messages,” then get turned off when a men does what you ask. Know what you want and stick to it because you’re going to welcome like-minded people.
4. Never put yourself into sketchy situations.
I mean, when a guy says something like, “My office is closed… I’m the only one in the building. Want to come over?” or “I just got a new truck. Want to go for a ride in the woods?” something tells me it’s a bad idea. Use your freaking head.
We can’t tell you how many times a man has messaged me, “Damn you’re so hotch. I want to suck your dock.”
I mean… I understand what you’re saying similar to how I might understand my Chihuahua when she needs to go peepee, but I just learned two things from you: either you’re talking to too many guys at once and don’t have time to look it over, or you just don’t give a f**k about it because you’re drunk and horny.
Not saying you still might not get lucky, but come on, put in a little effort to enhance my fantasies a bit more. Doesn’t that sound nice?
2. Don’t ever put “N/A” on everything without having a profile pic.
Who the hell am I talking to, a ghost? Trust me, if you want to communicate with someone on Grindr, you need to give him some bait. I don’t know anyone desperate enough to talk to not only an invisible face, but invisible stats as well. You’re not even giving me enough information to create an imaginary face and body. Bye bye!
3. Mean what you say and say what you mean!
The way you “market” yourself on Grindr is how men are going to assume you to be. If you aren’t up to par on that, 90% of the time they’ll be unpleasantly surprised.
For example, if you say, “I’m a nice guy so please only say nice things,” you’re probably going to attract guys who want to have a nice conversation before you jump to the nudes. If you instantly send him a picture of your penis before any words are exchanged, he might be a tad bit surprised. The same can be said for the alternative as well. You can’t display yourself as a man who is “looking for right now” and isn’t “looking to send a bunch of messages,” then get turned off when a men does what you ask. Know what you want and stick to it because you’re going to welcome like-minded people.
4. Never put yourself into sketchy situations.
I mean, when a guy says something like, “My office is closed… I’m the only one in the building. Want to come over?” or “I just got a new truck. Want to go for a ride in the woods?” something tells me it’s a bad idea. Use your freaking head.
5. If he doesn’t answer after the millionth “Hello,” block him.
Stop messaging the people who don’t message you back. They’re clearly not interested, so why bother? Block them so you won’t need to waste your time anymore. Too many of us are making Grindr represent our value, which ultimately turns us into pathetic people-pleasers. Think about it, at the end of the day… who gives a crap? Block him and be done with it.
6. Never make your Profile Pic a Landscape.
Who the hell thought of this idea? I’d much rather see your calves or your back, hell, even an artistic closeup of your feet than a stupid landscape of the ocean. If you do this, you need to make it up in the description by filling in all the necessary boxes. But just know you’re going in with most of the guys hating you already.
7. Stalking never makes you attractive.
“Hi,” “Are you there?” “Wow you’re close,” “Hi…” “I’m outside your building. Lol,” “ Are you there?” “Come outside,”!”
Take it down a notch… you can’t ever take it upon yourself to stalk people who happen to be closer to you. This is why you should also never let him know your address until he’s on his way to meet you. It’s totally stupid and will always creep the other person out so much that they probably are an idiot if they don’t delete you instantly.
Stop messaging the people who don’t message you back. They’re clearly not interested, so why bother? Block them so you won’t need to waste your time anymore. Too many of us are making Grindr represent our value, which ultimately turns us into pathetic people-pleasers. Think about it, at the end of the day… who gives a crap? Block him and be done with it.
6. Never make your Profile Pic a Landscape.
Who the hell thought of this idea? I’d much rather see your calves or your back, hell, even an artistic closeup of your feet than a stupid landscape of the ocean. If you do this, you need to make it up in the description by filling in all the necessary boxes. But just know you’re going in with most of the guys hating you already.
7. Stalking never makes you attractive.
“Hi,” “Are you there?” “Wow you’re close,” “Hi…” “I’m outside your building. Lol,” “ Are you there?” “Come outside,”!”
Take it down a notch… you can’t ever take it upon yourself to stalk people who happen to be closer to you. This is why you should also never let him know your address until he’s on his way to meet you. It’s totally stupid and will always creep the other person out so much that they probably are an idiot if they don’t delete you instantly.
8. Think twice before wasting five minutes to write novel-length description.
If I need to scroll down more than twice to finish your message, you have way too much time on your hands. I don’t need to know everything about you just yet – save it for when we meet. A message longer than 300 characters is kinda pushing it. It shows you’re a bit desperate; that, or you have way too much caffeine in your system.
9. Have some dignity
You might be on a hookup app, but you’re still a person with feelings! Never resort to being someone you’re not because you think you’ll be rejected otherwise. Have some pride in yourself. Don’t do things you wouldn’t normally do and stop promoting yourself as “masculine,” “straight acting,” or “female". Sell yourself beyond the artificial senses. Trust me, the experience will be much more honest and stress free.
If I need to scroll down more than twice to finish your message, you have way too much time on your hands. I don’t need to know everything about you just yet – save it for when we meet. A message longer than 300 characters is kinda pushing it. It shows you’re a bit desperate; that, or you have way too much caffeine in your system.
9. Have some dignity
You might be on a hookup app, but you’re still a person with feelings! Never resort to being someone you’re not because you think you’ll be rejected otherwise. Have some pride in yourself. Don’t do things you wouldn’t normally do and stop promoting yourself as “masculine,” “straight acting,” or “female". Sell yourself beyond the artificial senses. Trust me, the experience will be much more honest and stress free.
10. And for f**ks sake, Smile
I like attractive people, I really do. Who doesn’t? But one thing I’ve noticed between the Peter Parker types (attractive ones) versus the Ryan Goslings (super hot ones) is that the latter almost never smiles because for some reason they think it makes them more elite. They never smile even when they’re on the elliptical or treadmill. They just… pose. 24 hours a day.
A smile goes a long way in life, even more on social apps. A man who is around an 8, i.e. Peter Parker, is automatically bumped up to a 10 if he has a great smile. On the same token, a men who’s considered eye candy will be taken down a few notches if he looks like a prick. Also, it’s intimidating when you’re talking to someone who doesn’t look like he has a good personality. You feel like he’s judging you, inspecting you, and critiquing you well before you meet. That’s enough to turn off the most prideful among us.
I like attractive people, I really do. Who doesn’t? But one thing I’ve noticed between the Peter Parker types (attractive ones) versus the Ryan Goslings (super hot ones) is that the latter almost never smiles because for some reason they think it makes them more elite. They never smile even when they’re on the elliptical or treadmill. They just… pose. 24 hours a day.
A smile goes a long way in life, even more on social apps. A man who is around an 8, i.e. Peter Parker, is automatically bumped up to a 10 if he has a great smile. On the same token, a men who’s considered eye candy will be taken down a few notches if he looks like a prick. Also, it’s intimidating when you’re talking to someone who doesn’t look like he has a good personality. You feel like he’s judging you, inspecting you, and critiquing you well before you meet. That’s enough to turn off the most prideful among us.
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