There are certain qualities we all look for in a man whether we realize it or not. Some are harder to spot than others, but let’s face it, most of us are looking for the same things, right?
But the best qualities aren’t seen by a naked eye. They’re hidden inside our hearts. We know what they are, but more often than not we find them hard to articulate. We can definitely try though. Here are some of the best:
2. Emotional Availability.
Making ourselves emotionally available is one of the hardest things you can do. You have to let go of the past and trust your present state of mind - you need to trust your fear, which makes no sense, right? But hear me out.
Meeting a men who is emotionally available is like finding the perfect puppy. Everyone wants to be loved, but that one puppy who sees you like actually sees you - and isn’t asking for food or water (just you) typically takes your attention away from the rest of the litter.
A men who reveals himself without any hidden agenda or secrets is a man you know is after your heart - not your bank account. He’s strong enough in himself to lay his spirit open for possibilities rather than keeping it locked in a cage.
3. Understanding Limits
A men who knows his limits is a man who knows himself. We try for so long to expand our limits, but there are certain things - moral or otherwise - you cannot change about yourself, and that’s fine! If he has enough self-appreciation to respect his limits, he’ll have more than enough to respect yours if ever he crosses them.
6. Enthusiasm
Enthusiasm is everything when it comes to relationships because the last thing we want is a boring boyfriend. A relationship is supposed to fill us with hope, faith and assurance. We’re supposed to benefit from them, not become emotionally depleted.
Seeing a man who is happy and excited for our accomplishments, our dreams and our anecdotes reassures our confidence not only in humanity, but in our own potential ashumans. Look, life isn’t a bowl of cherries. Having a little enthusiasm goes a long way. It’s a hell of a lot better than the alternative.
7. Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is better than self-esteem because self-esteem is stemmed from the world. In other words, we gain self-esteem based on how we think we’re being perceived by others; when we’re popular, we have high self-esteem, when we’re not, we have very low self-esteem. In other words, self-esteem relies on other people’s judgment.
Self-compassion is the complete opposite. It focuses on interconnection - how we think of ourselves minus everyone else. We don’t need to be better than others to feel good about ourselves; we understand we’re good enough regardless. Compassion allows us to forgive the world, but most importantly, to forgive ourselves. As a result we become incredibly secure.
9. Openmindness
We are all a little stubborn, but smart people try everything once - and I mean everything, then they become stubborn about it later on. Being closed-minded off the bat for no reason is a major turn off for most guys, especially ones you’ve just met.
Whether it’s related to sex, topics, dates or food, at least try to be open for experimentation. This sends a message that not only are you fun and down for most anything, but that you’re also a person who evolves-you’re not going to be the same person ten years from now that you are today. The whole point of life is to progress, and being open to experimentation is the main ingredient you need to achieve it.
10. Straight-Forwardness
Too many guys walk on eggshells because they’re afraid they’re going to say something stupid, but the truth of the matter is the more we filter ourselves, the dumber we look. It’s about being free, not giving any f*cks - that’s sexy. Of course you need to be considerate and kind (that’s a given), but in no way shape or form should anyone beat around the bush if it’s wasting too much time.
But the best qualities aren’t seen by a naked eye. They’re hidden inside our hearts. We know what they are, but more often than not we find them hard to articulate. We can definitely try though. Here are some of the best:
1. Not Talking Himself Too Seriously
There’s an epidemic running rampant in the gay community, and it’s called pretentiousness. So many gay guys take themselves too seriously and it needs to stop.
The second you pretend you’re better than everyone else is the moment we unconsciously stop taking you seriously. If you want to impress people, show them you’re not perfect - that’s more relatable. Be goofy every once in a while!
There’s an epidemic running rampant in the gay community, and it’s called pretentiousness. So many gay guys take themselves too seriously and it needs to stop.
The second you pretend you’re better than everyone else is the moment we unconsciously stop taking you seriously. If you want to impress people, show them you’re not perfect - that’s more relatable. Be goofy every once in a while!
2. Emotional Availability.
Making ourselves emotionally available is one of the hardest things you can do. You have to let go of the past and trust your present state of mind - you need to trust your fear, which makes no sense, right? But hear me out.
Meeting a men who is emotionally available is like finding the perfect puppy. Everyone wants to be loved, but that one puppy who sees you like actually sees you - and isn’t asking for food or water (just you) typically takes your attention away from the rest of the litter.
A men who reveals himself without any hidden agenda or secrets is a man you know is after your heart - not your bank account. He’s strong enough in himself to lay his spirit open for possibilities rather than keeping it locked in a cage.
3. Understanding Limits
A men who knows his limits is a man who knows himself. We try for so long to expand our limits, but there are certain things - moral or otherwise - you cannot change about yourself, and that’s fine! If he has enough self-appreciation to respect his limits, he’ll have more than enough to respect yours if ever he crosses them.
4. Non-Conformity
Being exactly like everyone else is never a quality gay guys want, yet most of us think we do. Gay guys especially have been trained to not rock the boat. When I was in high school, being out and proud wasn’t an option. So to conform meant to “belong.” This way of thinking sticks with us way into adulthood.
But things are different now. We no longer need to hide from the world. We can be ourselves without shame, but for many of us it’s too late because we missed those years of figuring it out. Trust me, it’s never too late to know thyself. You don’t need to talk, walk, think, or look like everyone else. Don’t fit in. You were born to stand out.
5. Knowing When To Pick A Fight
There’s a right place right time for everything, and those who can’t spot the difference are ones who act on impulse instead of rationality. It’s going to be hard for this person to compromise in the future about the smallest of things. Being mature requires us to be smart and know what’s appropriate at which time. It’s also an important quality needed for long-term compatibility.
Being exactly like everyone else is never a quality gay guys want, yet most of us think we do. Gay guys especially have been trained to not rock the boat. When I was in high school, being out and proud wasn’t an option. So to conform meant to “belong.” This way of thinking sticks with us way into adulthood.
But things are different now. We no longer need to hide from the world. We can be ourselves without shame, but for many of us it’s too late because we missed those years of figuring it out. Trust me, it’s never too late to know thyself. You don’t need to talk, walk, think, or look like everyone else. Don’t fit in. You were born to stand out.
5. Knowing When To Pick A Fight
There’s a right place right time for everything, and those who can’t spot the difference are ones who act on impulse instead of rationality. It’s going to be hard for this person to compromise in the future about the smallest of things. Being mature requires us to be smart and know what’s appropriate at which time. It’s also an important quality needed for long-term compatibility.
6. Enthusiasm
Enthusiasm is everything when it comes to relationships because the last thing we want is a boring boyfriend. A relationship is supposed to fill us with hope, faith and assurance. We’re supposed to benefit from them, not become emotionally depleted.
Seeing a man who is happy and excited for our accomplishments, our dreams and our anecdotes reassures our confidence not only in humanity, but in our own potential ashumans. Look, life isn’t a bowl of cherries. Having a little enthusiasm goes a long way. It’s a hell of a lot better than the alternative.
7. Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is better than self-esteem because self-esteem is stemmed from the world. In other words, we gain self-esteem based on how we think we’re being perceived by others; when we’re popular, we have high self-esteem, when we’re not, we have very low self-esteem. In other words, self-esteem relies on other people’s judgment.
Self-compassion is the complete opposite. It focuses on interconnection - how we think of ourselves minus everyone else. We don’t need to be better than others to feel good about ourselves; we understand we’re good enough regardless. Compassion allows us to forgive the world, but most importantly, to forgive ourselves. As a result we become incredibly secure.
8. Loyalty
If you’re always late, flaking out, or never being true to your word, the only guys who will trust you are ones that want something from you - why else would they keep you around? Those confident enough to recognize a disloyal person from a loyal one will undoubtedly throw you away.
Loyalty is the best quality to have as a person because it’s what we as humans depend on - it’s how we’ve managed to survive all this time: by trusting that we’ll be here for each other. It’s a basic instinct we’ve learned to use in order to survive. Believe me, you want to be the guy people can depend on - but it starts with your track record.
If you’re always late, flaking out, or never being true to your word, the only guys who will trust you are ones that want something from you - why else would they keep you around? Those confident enough to recognize a disloyal person from a loyal one will undoubtedly throw you away.
Loyalty is the best quality to have as a person because it’s what we as humans depend on - it’s how we’ve managed to survive all this time: by trusting that we’ll be here for each other. It’s a basic instinct we’ve learned to use in order to survive. Believe me, you want to be the guy people can depend on - but it starts with your track record.
9. Openmindness
We are all a little stubborn, but smart people try everything once - and I mean everything, then they become stubborn about it later on. Being closed-minded off the bat for no reason is a major turn off for most guys, especially ones you’ve just met.
Whether it’s related to sex, topics, dates or food, at least try to be open for experimentation. This sends a message that not only are you fun and down for most anything, but that you’re also a person who evolves-you’re not going to be the same person ten years from now that you are today. The whole point of life is to progress, and being open to experimentation is the main ingredient you need to achieve it.
10. Straight-Forwardness
Too many guys walk on eggshells because they’re afraid they’re going to say something stupid, but the truth of the matter is the more we filter ourselves, the dumber we look. It’s about being free, not giving any f*cks - that’s sexy. Of course you need to be considerate and kind (that’s a given), but in no way shape or form should anyone beat around the bush if it’s wasting too much time.
11. Genuineness
Being genuine about everything is hard to achieve because we train ourselves as a society to exaggerate in order to be liked. But in this digital age, people don’t want pretend. We want genuineness. Whatever we do, we must be genuine. By that I mean really mean what we say when we say it, be sincere when we give compliments (if not, don’t say it at all). Genuineness goes a long way because we’re all able to spot a phony.
Being genuine about everything is hard to achieve because we train ourselves as a society to exaggerate in order to be liked. But in this digital age, people don’t want pretend. We want genuineness. Whatever we do, we must be genuine. By that I mean really mean what we say when we say it, be sincere when we give compliments (if not, don’t say it at all). Genuineness goes a long way because we’re all able to spot a phony.
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