Gay dating is no picnic in today’s hookup culture. Everyone is looking to get “off” or to get “in” that we forget how to connect on intimate levels, much less genuine ones. Trust me; I feel your struggle.
However, instead of thinking we’re fighting a losing game, we single gay guys need to rise to the occasion! Dating is supposed to be fun. It should lift our spirits, not tear us down. Why have we made it so complicated?
I’ve spent hours researching scientific ways we can make the gay dating experience better for, not only us but for the lucky men we choose to date. Here are some things we should always remember, take note:
However, instead of thinking we’re fighting a losing game, we single gay guys need to rise to the occasion! Dating is supposed to be fun. It should lift our spirits, not tear us down. Why have we made it so complicated?
I’ve spent hours researching scientific ways we can make the gay dating experience better for, not only us but for the lucky men we choose to date. Here are some things we should always remember, take note:
1. Make Him Think You Have A Dark Side
I hate narcissists (like, really hate them), but even though I try to veer them away, I can’t help but have sexual tension with them; as it turns out, I’m not the only one. Psychological studies have reinforced previous research showing that narcissists are more popular than others at first impression. Why? Because they’re more appealing. They give us something play with.
We’re visual creatures, but personality is something that sinks in our brain long after the person is gone. When we see a guy who is physically in shape, we tend to associate him with a host of other positive traits (even if it doesn’t apply)-it’s called the “halo effect.”
People with exploitive personalities are more efficient at creating confidence and humor, but over time, it tends to decline once the observer realizes he’s an asshole. However, a dash of narcissism makes a good impression short-term. Goodness is essential, but allowing yourself to be as mysterious and alluring like a vampire will go a long way.
2. Ask Thought-Provoking Questions
One study has shown that rehearsed lines, i.e. “So what do you do?” or “Where are you from?” or “Do you come here often?” or “How long have you lived here?” had an adverse effect on a date. Everyone’s heard these same lines before, but instead of being a cliché, you can get his answers by asking different kinds of questions.
To make him think, you need to pull him out of his comfort zone. One way to do this is by relating each subject with curiosity - I mean, genuine interest. In a nutshell, listen to what he says and respond authentically.
“You like comic books? What did you think of Batman vs. Superman?” or “Do you ever wish you were an only child?” or “That’s so awesome you like to cook-what’s your favorite dish?” “You lived in Europe? Wow! That’s amazing. I’ve always wanted to go. What was your favorite part about it?” Listening and responding is key, have the conversation flow organically rather than letting it stifle away into nothingness.
I hate narcissists (like, really hate them), but even though I try to veer them away, I can’t help but have sexual tension with them; as it turns out, I’m not the only one. Psychological studies have reinforced previous research showing that narcissists are more popular than others at first impression. Why? Because they’re more appealing. They give us something play with.
We’re visual creatures, but personality is something that sinks in our brain long after the person is gone. When we see a guy who is physically in shape, we tend to associate him with a host of other positive traits (even if it doesn’t apply)-it’s called the “halo effect.”
People with exploitive personalities are more efficient at creating confidence and humor, but over time, it tends to decline once the observer realizes he’s an asshole. However, a dash of narcissism makes a good impression short-term. Goodness is essential, but allowing yourself to be as mysterious and alluring like a vampire will go a long way.
2. Ask Thought-Provoking Questions
One study has shown that rehearsed lines, i.e. “So what do you do?” or “Where are you from?” or “Do you come here often?” or “How long have you lived here?” had an adverse effect on a date. Everyone’s heard these same lines before, but instead of being a cliché, you can get his answers by asking different kinds of questions.
To make him think, you need to pull him out of his comfort zone. One way to do this is by relating each subject with curiosity - I mean, genuine interest. In a nutshell, listen to what he says and respond authentically.
“You like comic books? What did you think of Batman vs. Superman?” or “Do you ever wish you were an only child?” or “That’s so awesome you like to cook-what’s your favorite dish?” “You lived in Europe? Wow! That’s amazing. I’ve always wanted to go. What was your favorite part about it?” Listening and responding is key, have the conversation flow organically rather than letting it stifle away into nothingness.
3. Make Eye Contact
Studies have shown that keeping eye contact for at least seven seconds is crucial-no more, no less. Anything more than 7 seconds is just creepy if you ask me.
It’s weird when you go on dates, and the guy is only staring at your biceps, chest or crotch. I mean, thank you for noticing, but what else do you find appealing about me? I want you to penetrate my goddamn soul! Be aware that I have eyes too. Never stare at something I might feel insecure about, i.e. a prominent mole, a bald spot or birthmark. Keep it eye to eye. That’s how we like it.
4. Make Him Feel Like Hottest Guy In The Room
Staring at a hot guy who just walked into the restaurant kills the moment, especially on the first date. I understand we can’t help ourselves, but if you’re digging him, the last thing you want him to think is that you have a wondering eye.
If he catches you checking out the goods, he’ll find it hard to trust you in the future, and he might assume you’re only into him for sex. Don’t get me wrong, we all like sex, but this is a date. At least pretend like you’re investing more in the relationship.
Studies have shown that keeping eye contact for at least seven seconds is crucial-no more, no less. Anything more than 7 seconds is just creepy if you ask me.
It’s weird when you go on dates, and the guy is only staring at your biceps, chest or crotch. I mean, thank you for noticing, but what else do you find appealing about me? I want you to penetrate my goddamn soul! Be aware that I have eyes too. Never stare at something I might feel insecure about, i.e. a prominent mole, a bald spot or birthmark. Keep it eye to eye. That’s how we like it.
4. Make Him Feel Like Hottest Guy In The Room
Staring at a hot guy who just walked into the restaurant kills the moment, especially on the first date. I understand we can’t help ourselves, but if you’re digging him, the last thing you want him to think is that you have a wondering eye.
If he catches you checking out the goods, he’ll find it hard to trust you in the future, and he might assume you’re only into him for sex. Don’t get me wrong, we all like sex, but this is a date. At least pretend like you’re investing more in the relationship.
5. Sugar Is Sexy
Purdue University recently discovered that men often have intimate thoughts after eating sugar. In the study, they gave participants both sugar solution and water-turns out, the people who drank sugar were more open to sexual stimulation.
In other words, never skip dessert! Always leave a little room to split a cake or chocolate mouse, or anything with sugar. The sugar will get the blood flow going, which undoubtedly goes straight to the groin.
6. Put Your Phone Away
Here’s the thing about phones. When we see you on it, we think you’re bored with us, which closes us off and makes us resent you. Also, we might see your Grindr, which will make us think differently about you.
I’m not against Grindr at all. Most gay guys have dabbled with it, but when you’re on a date, it’s always best to keep an illusion of fantasy. We don’t want to know you have Grindr (even though you probably do). So it’s best to put the phone away altogether. If we catch a glimpse of it, we’ll assume you’re not looking for anything serious, and that the second you get home you’ll be hooking up with a stranger. Play to our imagination. Make us think you’re better than that.
Purdue University recently discovered that men often have intimate thoughts after eating sugar. In the study, they gave participants both sugar solution and water-turns out, the people who drank sugar were more open to sexual stimulation.
In other words, never skip dessert! Always leave a little room to split a cake or chocolate mouse, or anything with sugar. The sugar will get the blood flow going, which undoubtedly goes straight to the groin.
6. Put Your Phone Away
Here’s the thing about phones. When we see you on it, we think you’re bored with us, which closes us off and makes us resent you. Also, we might see your Grindr, which will make us think differently about you.
I’m not against Grindr at all. Most gay guys have dabbled with it, but when you’re on a date, it’s always best to keep an illusion of fantasy. We don’t want to know you have Grindr (even though you probably do). So it’s best to put the phone away altogether. If we catch a glimpse of it, we’ll assume you’re not looking for anything serious, and that the second you get home you’ll be hooking up with a stranger. Play to our imagination. Make us think you’re better than that.
7. Mimic His Mannerisms
Humans are more likely to be attracted to people who imitate their mannerisms, according to studies. Weird right? It turns out; it’s a subconscious sign of affection that shows how much we like a person. He will always respond well.
Look into his eyes when he looks into yours, notice how his legs are crossed, how he touches, when he laughs, when he’s drinking. You don’t need to copy his every move, but mirroring him a little subliminally pulls him in. Try it out.
8. It’s All In The Touch
Not all contact is created equal. There are multiple ways we can touch a man, but many of us never embrace learning the differences. A hug isn’t going to cut it in the long run. A study from the journal Social Influence breaks it down into three: “Friendly,” “Plausible Deniability” and “Nuclear.”
Friendly touches are shoulder pushes, taps, and handshakes. Plausible Deniability touches are around the waist or forearm. Nuclear touches are actual signs of attraction, which are touches on the face and neck specifically. Understand the difference between all three types of contact, and you’ll be golden.
You don’t need to go Nuclear the first five seconds. Let it grow. Perhaps once you get to know each other, you can start to touch his leg. Maybe you can pull away the “thread” you saw hanging near his collar: “Oh, wait to hold on. You got something - there, got it.” [cue: eye contact.] … works every time.
Humans are more likely to be attracted to people who imitate their mannerisms, according to studies. Weird right? It turns out; it’s a subconscious sign of affection that shows how much we like a person. He will always respond well.
Look into his eyes when he looks into yours, notice how his legs are crossed, how he touches, when he laughs, when he’s drinking. You don’t need to copy his every move, but mirroring him a little subliminally pulls him in. Try it out.
8. It’s All In The Touch
Not all contact is created equal. There are multiple ways we can touch a man, but many of us never embrace learning the differences. A hug isn’t going to cut it in the long run. A study from the journal Social Influence breaks it down into three: “Friendly,” “Plausible Deniability” and “Nuclear.”
Friendly touches are shoulder pushes, taps, and handshakes. Plausible Deniability touches are around the waist or forearm. Nuclear touches are actual signs of attraction, which are touches on the face and neck specifically. Understand the difference between all three types of contact, and you’ll be golden.
You don’t need to go Nuclear the first five seconds. Let it grow. Perhaps once you get to know each other, you can start to touch his leg. Maybe you can pull away the “thread” you saw hanging near his collar: “Oh, wait to hold on. You got something - there, got it.” [cue: eye contact.] … works every time.
9. Do Something Physically Active
Whether it’s a long walk together, a hike, or taking your time walking to the car, be sure to do it together. Research shows that physical activity on a date raises adrenaline, which increases attraction and appeal to the nearest body-be that body!
If you’re near the water, why not suggest a friendly stroll on the boardwalk or sand? Walking together is a beautiful thing, especially when you’re holding hands. Skin-to-skin contact releases hormones that make us feel happy and connected. While the adrenaline and heart rate rise together, you will both be inclined to combine forces.
Whether it’s a long walk together, a hike, or taking your time walking to the car, be sure to do it together. Research shows that physical activity on a date raises adrenaline, which increases attraction and appeal to the nearest body-be that body!
If you’re near the water, why not suggest a friendly stroll on the boardwalk or sand? Walking together is a beautiful thing, especially when you’re holding hands. Skin-to-skin contact releases hormones that make us feel happy and connected. While the adrenaline and heart rate rise together, you will both be inclined to combine forces.
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